Lost and confused

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Where do I start!
Due to a huge mount up of work, I got overloaded with stress and anxiety and had to drop out of college. College was the thing I turned to most to get me through an extremely testing and difficult time a few years ago. The other thing was the connection I forged with my therapist, a connection that I don't have with my family.

The course was illustration and it was the one thing I was sure of that would enable me to make it in this world but as the course went on I became more and more sure that I wouldn't be able for the demands of the professional industry.

I am also having a crisis of faith in this life, this society and in myself. This was happening even before I quit the course. I just don't know what to to with myself, don't know what I want or what I believe in. One day and I think it will be coming very soon, I will have to find my way in this world without the help of my therapist. That fills me with anxiety because I haven't been able to get past my biggest stumbling blocks in trying to find meaning and a way to cope on my own in this life. It is something I have struggled with for at least fifteen years (I'm 25). Iv'e always viewed life negatively- that's why I need to find some higher meaning and accept it because if there isn't then what is the point, who cares if we live to produce another generation?

My mind feels so fogged up, I can't think straight. There are times when I feel paralysed with anxiety. The days mean nothing to me- just to get through it, I feel the need to lie in bed under my weighted blanket and listen to music. Uncertainty really disturbs and unnerves me.

There are things I could be doing like clean my room, which I will eventually get myself to do but with most things - I think I want to do something only to find when I do it, it doesn't help. I am trying guided meditations which provides some escape for a while but as soon as I come out of them it all comes back and again I am left wondering what do I do with myself?
How do I find myself?

Hi maia, you have large existential questions, and I don't know the answers. I can relate to the stress and anxiety though, and to being in a crisis about the direction my life will take.
It must be difficult for you to have to drop out of your course, in the school and college sub forum you might find other people that have had a similar experience. It might help to post a question about how other people have coped with that situation.
I don't know if its possible to figure out the meaning of life, I think the purpose of life changes from year to year, sometimes from month to month.

Thanks for your reply,
I will post that in the school college forum.
It seems I've had these questions for as long as I can remember. The stress and anxiety just intensifies the insecurities.
I was just feeling it pretty heavily yesterday with so much I need to try and reflect on and process, and I had no where else to turn.
Thank you again for your input

You're welcome, though I regret that my reply could not address your questions. Stress and anxiety really can effect my perception of the world, its hard to remember that when i am panicking though. I think its good to express your concerns and worries. Discussions about them can help to give you a sense of progress, and lessen/ease that sinking feeling.