When the spirit wants to let go, but the mind refuses.

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My thoughts have been restless as I work through the 12 steps.

I am aware of what I cannot change. I am also aware of what I can change, and I am aware of the path I need to be walking to improve the quality of not only my own life, but the lives of the people I choose to associate with.

I am making the best effort to walk that path.

Yet, my mind stays restless, constantly obsessing over what is outside my control. Many people in my family have committed many evil acts, and they continue to do those things this very day. I have no control over them. I cannot force them into recovery, nor is it my place to help their adult victims when they clearly do not want to be helped thanks to being overtaken by Stockholm syndrome. If I ever come across any evidence that they are still abusing children the way that they abused me as a child, I will have no problem with reporting them to CPS. But until then, I know it would be best for me to not get involved with my blood family. I cannot help or save anybody in this case. And that frustrates the f**k out of me.

I cope with Mary Jane and Xbox. Which is a really lame way to cope. The way out is through, and I would rather go around.

You should read letters written by people in the 18th century.

They were always talking about the conflict between the "mind" and the "heart."

You're actually going though a very literary conflict.

And a pretty healthy one.

the body, spirit, and mind are all one system despite bearing separate titles... if any one is afflicted, all are afflicted. caused a nearly deadening existential crisis in finding that one can sculpt their perception to an experience, just with alterations to health and tempering the whole with knowledge, disciplines and meditations. it doesn’t alter the experience, the reflection, or introspection... just how such is perceived, what is felt, and conclusions available.