The Depths

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Imagine for a moment, if you will, that you are not the sole occupant of your body. That you, in fact, share your flesh with a parasitic organism. A parasite that not only has the capacity for reason and cunning, but also the capacity to hate you with the utmost intensity. A hatred so intense, that if it had the ability to do so and did not actually need you for its own survival, it would torture and maim you in ways only the darkest of minds could imagine (near to death), then restore you only to burn you alive. All the while smiling in bloody, sadistic satisfaction.

Imagine that the hooks with which the parasite uses to sustain itself and latch onto you for dear life do not drain blood or any other similar vital fluids, but instead drains your desire to do anything but sustain your life in the simplest and most basic of manners, your happiness, confidence, and all that used to be pleasant and good about you. And when your goodness and confidence are strong and bold enough to break out, when adversity or stress or rejection knock them down, the parasite digs and twists its hooks around inside your heart and soul in a most excruciating manner, to punish you for your insolence.

Imagine that, for allowing yourself to be crippled by this unholy thing, and allowing yourself to languish and entropy through your inaction, you grow to hate yourself as much as the parasite hates you. So much that you can no longer believe that you’ll amount to anything other than a waste of space and time, that you no longer believe that anyone will love you and want to spend time with you. So much that you can no longer look at your reflection and feel anything but hatred and disgust. Imagine that, after living for so long in within this darkness, that you are robbed of any desire to change; that anything else besides this state would feel too foreign and alien to remain there. Imagine that you live with the knowledge that death would free you from this hellish existence, but you’re far too afraid of what it would entail and what it would do to those you love, that remain, to kill yourself.

This is what it means to be truly lost and trapped in the depths of depression...

Great post!

Depression ain't nice that is very true.
If you believe in the spiritual side of life, humans are constantly under attack from the 'dark forces'. There are things like entity attachments that can share your body and cause all sorts of problems, like depression and anxiety. It's always good to imagine white light filling up the body because depression represents darkness and light is the opposite of darkness. These entities can send you thought forms that cause depression. They are said to be dead people so they can't stay in your body if you are happy that pushes them out.
But like I said if you believe in the spiritual side of things would you ponder over this.

I don't have to imagine it. This is every second of every day for me since a very young age. The only thing that even brings a ray of sunshine into my life is my animals. They are my only real friends and the only ones that haven't hurt me.

More than anything though I totally understand the self hatred I hate myself almost as much as I hate the entire human race. If I could cause humanity to go extinct I would do it without hesitation and not really care that I would also die in the process.