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auntblabby
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Joined: 12 Feb 2010
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Posts: 113,748
Location: the island of defective toy santas
20 Mar 2021, 10:36 pm
20 Mar 2021, 10:53 pm
auntblabby wrote:
some problems in life have more than one surface aspect, which is the aspect that attracts the most attention from sympathetic people who are likely to say, "if you do this this and that, your problem will be solved!" while not at all noticing the iceberg below the water which is the bulk of these folks' problem/s. many of us have problems like this, that latched onto us before we were even born, and won't let go without a lifetime of sustained arduous work. with this in mind, the real purpose of The Haven is simply to let people vent about all this.
Sure, but how many times are you willing to step on the same exact garden rake for someone before you tell them to flip the damn rake over already!?
Last edited by r00tb33r on 20 Mar 2021, 11:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.
auntblabby
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Joined: 12 Feb 2010
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Posts: 113,748
Location: the island of defective toy santas
20 Mar 2021, 11:00 pm
20 Mar 2021, 11:06 pm
auntblabby
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Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,748
Location: the island of defective toy santas
20 Mar 2021, 11:07 pm
20 Mar 2021, 11:14 pm
auntblabby
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Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,748
Location: the island of defective toy santas
20 Mar 2021, 11:18 pm
21 Mar 2021, 8:31 am
r00tb33r wrote:
I find it extremely irritating seeing the same characters return with the same old boo-boos having done absolutely nothing differently and nothing at all to help their situation, and who become aggressive when given obvious suggestions.(I have read the rules, thank you.)
Those people are emotional abusers, they come back and drain you of emotional energy time after time, leeching on and wasting the support they are given.
Well, I wouldn't go that far! Those people are emotional abusers, they come back and drain you of emotional energy time after time, leeching on and wasting the support they are given.
It's a difficult situation to get a handle on without being suppressive (there's still a reason behind those posts - it's just deeper and more complicated) but over time, they do tend to thin out.
Is it a need to work through a chronic situation by repeatedly publishing it, because someone is unable to interact adequately with others and has absolutely nowhere else to go? Possibly, I don't know - but if that is what's needed at any given time then they are still free to post.
That said, we are aware of the types of poster you mention; fortunately they are both rare and short-lived, sometimes "breaking cover" into trolling - which only makes their departure quicker than it might have been.
Quote:
The way I see The Haven is support and relief for situations that do not have solutions. Coping with death, chronic or lifelong conditions, rejection, etc. Situations of dispair where you're out of moves and out of options. Situations where there is no hope.
Agreed - it's that and more, with many issues eased or resolved through discussion - but of course, your description would also cover those I mentioned above...Quote:
You'd be surprised, I use a little bit of it too for a lifelong problem that I have: me.
Yes indeed - there is a strict, over-critical taskmaster berating many of us I'm sure: me.
Rexi
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Joined: 3 Sep 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,388
Location: "I know there's nothing we can do. But my heart can't accept it." "If this is real, then I want to change the future."
23 Mar 2021, 2:26 am
r00tb33r wrote:
Cornflake wrote:
r00tb33r wrote:
I despise the "kiss the boo-boo" threads in The Heaven.
So don't go there?It's really very easy; WP is a big place and your contributions would be welcomed in other forums I'm sure. (BTW, it's "The Haven").
Also, what you perceive as help is... your perception of help. Sometimes just knowing that someone else has also experienced some painful or difficult event can help.
Good catch. I know how to spell Haven. Not sure how that slipped.
I find it extremely irritating seeing the same characters return with the same old boo-boos having done absolutely nothing differently and nothing at all to help their situation, and who become aggressive when given obvious suggestions.(I have read the rules, thank you.)
Those people are emotional abusers, they come back and drain you of emotional energy time after time, leeching on and wasting the support they are given.
The way I see The Haven is support and relief for situations that do not have solutions. Coping with death, chronic or lifelong conditions, rejection, etc. Situations of dispair where you're out of moves and out of options. Situations where there is no hope.
You'd be surprised, I use a little bit of it too for a lifelong problem that I have: me.
You were doing the same thing, though, you were talking about the situation with your ex knowing you were saying mean things to her yet you posted about it without changing until it was the end of that relationship. Why is there no empathy towards others doing the same thing and an incentive to change within yourself and not be, as you put it 'pitiful?'
And why would I rage about you if Im guilty of the same behavior? Going around calling people insane, weird and stupid when I'm doing the same thing is not going to make me look any better. It will only show how much acceptance and love I have for others, how tolerant I can be, how much I put myself on a pedestal, how much I'm self aware and how much common sense I have.
Listening therapy is very helpful for others, even for you. You want to be listened to, not bypassed\ignored. That's why you're complaining\ranting in the first place. Luckily I'm always here for you. [to spank you, rant to you and give you the rough love you need]
_________________
My Pepe Le Skunk. I have so much faith in our love for one another. Thanks for being an amazing partner.
x Any topic, PM me; mind my profile.
Last edited by Rexi on 23 Mar 2021, 2:36 am, edited 1 time in total.
23 Mar 2021, 2:34 am
Rexi wrote:
r00tb33r wrote:
Cornflake wrote:
r00tb33r wrote:
I despise the "kiss the boo-boo" threads in The Heaven.
So don't go there?It's really very easy; WP is a big place and your contributions would be welcomed in other forums I'm sure. (BTW, it's "The Haven").
Also, what you perceive as help is... your perception of help. Sometimes just knowing that someone else has also experienced some painful or difficult event can help.
Good catch. I know how to spell Haven. Not sure how that slipped.
I find it extremely irritating seeing the same characters return with the same old boo-boos having done absolutely nothing differently and nothing at all to help their situation, and who become aggressive when given obvious suggestions.(I have read the rules, thank you.)
Those people are emotional abusers, they come back and drain you of emotional energy time after time, leeching on and wasting the support they are given.
The way I see The Haven is support and relief for situations that do not have solutions. Coping with death, chronic or lifelong conditions, rejection, etc. Situations of dispair where you're out of moves and out of options. Situations where there is no hope.
You'd be surprised, I use a little bit of it too for a lifelong problem that I have: me.
You were doing the same thing, though, you were talking about the situation with your ex knowing you were saying mean things to her yet you posted about it without changing until it was the end of that relationship. Why is there no empathy towards others doing the same thing and an incentive to change within yourself and not be, as you put it 'pitiful?'
And why would I rage about you if Im guilty of the same behavior? Going around calling people insane, weird and stupid when I'm doing the same thing is not going to make me look any better. It will only show how much acceptance and love I have for others, how tolerant I can be, how much I put myself on a pedestal, how much I'm self aware and how much common sense I have.
Listening therapy is very helpful for others, even for you. You want to be listened to, not bypassed\ignored. That's why you're complaining\ranting in the first place. Luckily I'm always here for you. [to spank you and rant to you]
What are you talking about? What mean things have I ever said to...? I don't have an ex.
The girl I was trying to reconnect with, I was panicking and sending her erratic messages apologizing and asking her not to get upset. I never said anything mean to her. Being a rambling mess doesn't make me mean.
For her to be my ex we'd have had to have dated. We never did.
Also, I never posted about that in The Haven. Let's be clear about that. I appreciate the support though in the moment when I needed it. You gave it without me even asking for it.
I don't understand most of what you've said, but thanks for being here for me regardless.
Last edited by r00tb33r on 23 Mar 2021, 2:41 am, edited 1 time in total.
Rexi
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Joined: 3 Sep 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,388
Location: "I know there's nothing we can do. But my heart can't accept it." "If this is real, then I want to change the future."
23 Mar 2021, 2:41 am
r00tb33r wrote:
Rexi wrote:
r00tb33r wrote:
Cornflake wrote:
r00tb33r wrote:
I despise the "kiss the boo-boo" threads in The Heaven.
So don't go there?It's really very easy; WP is a big place and your contributions would be welcomed in other forums I'm sure. (BTW, it's "The Haven").
Also, what you perceive as help is... your perception of help. Sometimes just knowing that someone else has also experienced some painful or difficult event can help.
Good catch. I know how to spell Haven. Not sure how that slipped.
I find it extremely irritating seeing the same characters return with the same old boo-boos having done absolutely nothing differently and nothing at all to help their situation, and who become aggressive when given obvious suggestions.(I have read the rules, thank you.)
Those people are emotional abusers, they come back and drain you of emotional energy time after time, leeching on and wasting the support they are given.
The way I see The Haven is support and relief for situations that do not have solutions. Coping with death, chronic or lifelong conditions, rejection, etc. Situations of dispair where you're out of moves and out of options. Situations where there is no hope.
You'd be surprised, I use a little bit of it too for a lifelong problem that I have: me.
You were doing the same thing, though, you were talking about the situation with your ex knowing you were saying mean things to her yet you posted about it without changing until it was the end of that relationship. Why is there no empathy towards others doing the same thing and an incentive to change within yourself and not be, as you put it 'pitiful?'
And why would I rage about you if Im guilty of the same behavior? Going around calling people insane, weird and stupid when I'm doing the same thing is not going to make me look any better. It will only show how much acceptance and love I have for others, how tolerant I can be, how much I put myself on a pedestal, how much I'm self aware and how much common sense I have.
Listening therapy is very helpful for others, even for you. You want to be listened to, not bypassed\ignored. That's why you're complaining\ranting in the first place. Luckily I'm always here for you. [to spank you and rant to you]
What are you talking about? What mean things have I ever said to...? I don't have an ex.
The girl I was trying to reconnect with, I was panicking and sending her erratic messages apologizing and asking her not to get upset. I never said anything mean to her. Being a rambling mess doesn't make me mean.
For her to be my ex we'd have had to have dated. We never did.
I don't understand most of what you've said, but thanks for being here for me regardless.
You said you kept saying things you didn't mean and that would upset her, you had an issue with that. Something like saying rude things at anger. Whatever it was, didn't change. Though if you didn't speak like that to her that's good. And it's really bad you did with me. Gotta show me at least the same respect.
_________________
My Pepe Le Skunk. I have so much faith in our love for one another. Thanks for being an amazing partner.
x Any topic, PM me; mind my profile.
23 Mar 2021, 2:45 am
Rexi wrote:
r00tb33r wrote:
Rexi wrote:
r00tb33r wrote:
Cornflake wrote:
r00tb33r wrote:
I despise the "kiss the boo-boo" threads in The Heaven.
So don't go there?It's really very easy; WP is a big place and your contributions would be welcomed in other forums I'm sure. (BTW, it's "The Haven").
Also, what you perceive as help is... your perception of help. Sometimes just knowing that someone else has also experienced some painful or difficult event can help.
Good catch. I know how to spell Haven. Not sure how that slipped.
I find it extremely irritating seeing the same characters return with the same old boo-boos having done absolutely nothing differently and nothing at all to help their situation, and who become aggressive when given obvious suggestions.(I have read the rules, thank you.)
Those people are emotional abusers, they come back and drain you of emotional energy time after time, leeching on and wasting the support they are given.
The way I see The Haven is support and relief for situations that do not have solutions. Coping with death, chronic or lifelong conditions, rejection, etc. Situations of dispair where you're out of moves and out of options. Situations where there is no hope.
You'd be surprised, I use a little bit of it too for a lifelong problem that I have: me.
You were doing the same thing, though, you were talking about the situation with your ex knowing you were saying mean things to her yet you posted about it without changing until it was the end of that relationship. Why is there no empathy towards others doing the same thing and an incentive to change within yourself and not be, as you put it 'pitiful?'
And why would I rage about you if Im guilty of the same behavior? Going around calling people insane, weird and stupid when I'm doing the same thing is not going to make me look any better. It will only show how much acceptance and love I have for others, how tolerant I can be, how much I put myself on a pedestal, how much I'm self aware and how much common sense I have.
Listening therapy is very helpful for others, even for you. You want to be listened to, not bypassed\ignored. That's why you're complaining\ranting in the first place. Luckily I'm always here for you. [to spank you and rant to you]
What are you talking about? What mean things have I ever said to...? I don't have an ex.
The girl I was trying to reconnect with, I was panicking and sending her erratic messages apologizing and asking her not to get upset. I never said anything mean to her. Being a rambling mess doesn't make me mean.
For her to be my ex we'd have had to have dated. We never did.
I don't understand most of what you've said, but thanks for being here for me regardless.
You said you kept saying things you didn't mean and that would upset her, you had an issue with that. Something like saying rude things at anger. Whatever it was, didn't change. Though if you didn't speak like that to her that's good.
She used to get upset and angry over misunderstandings. I was never rude. It's complicated. We knew each other a long time ago, a time she wanted to desperately escape, and me bringing it up was upsetting her. It took a while to fully understand just how uncomfortable she was with revisiting our younger days. What were some of the happiest memories for me was a miserable time for her. I didn't know and didn't see it like that until it was too late.
Rexi
Veteran
Joined: 3 Sep 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,388
Location: "I know there's nothing we can do. But my heart can't accept it." "If this is real, then I want to change the future."
23 Mar 2021, 2:58 am
r00tb33r wrote:
Rexi wrote:
r00tb33r wrote:
Rexi wrote:
r00tb33r wrote:
Cornflake wrote:
r00tb33r wrote:
I despise the "kiss the boo-boo" threads in The Heaven.
So don't go there?It's really very easy; WP is a big place and your contributions would be welcomed in other forums I'm sure. (BTW, it's "The Haven").
Also, what you perceive as help is... your perception of help. Sometimes just knowing that someone else has also experienced some painful or difficult event can help.
Good catch. I know how to spell Haven. Not sure how that slipped.
I find it extremely irritating seeing the same characters return with the same old boo-boos having done absolutely nothing differently and nothing at all to help their situation, and who become aggressive when given obvious suggestions.(I have read the rules, thank you.)
Those people are emotional abusers, they come back and drain you of emotional energy time after time, leeching on and wasting the support they are given.
The way I see The Haven is support and relief for situations that do not have solutions. Coping with death, chronic or lifelong conditions, rejection, etc. Situations of dispair where you're out of moves and out of options. Situations where there is no hope.
You'd be surprised, I use a little bit of it too for a lifelong problem that I have: me.
You were doing the same thing, though, you were talking about the situation with your ex knowing you were saying mean things to her yet you posted about it without changing until it was the end of that relationship. Why is there no empathy towards others doing the same thing and an incentive to change within yourself and not be, as you put it 'pitiful?'
And why would I rage about you if Im guilty of the same behavior? Going around calling people insane, weird and stupid when I'm doing the same thing is not going to make me look any better. It will only show how much acceptance and love I have for others, how tolerant I can be, how much I put myself on a pedestal, how much I'm self aware and how much common sense I have.
Listening therapy is very helpful for others, even for you. You want to be listened to, not bypassed\ignored. That's why you're complaining\ranting in the first place. Luckily I'm always here for you. [to spank you and rant to you]
What are you talking about? What mean things have I ever said to...? I don't have an ex.
The girl I was trying to reconnect with, I was panicking and sending her erratic messages apologizing and asking her not to get upset. I never said anything mean to her. Being a rambling mess doesn't make me mean.
For her to be my ex we'd have had to have dated. We never did.
I don't understand most of what you've said, but thanks for being here for me regardless.
You said you kept saying things you didn't mean and that would upset her, you had an issue with that. Something like saying rude things at anger. Whatever it was, didn't change. Though if you didn't speak like that to her that's good.
She used to get upset and angry over misunderstandings. I was never rude. It's complicated. We knew each other a long time ago, a time she wanted to desperately escape, and me bringing it up was upsetting her. It took a while to fully understand just how uncomfortable she was with revisiting our younger days. What were some of the happiest memories for me was a miserable time for her. I didn't know and didn't see it like that until it was too late.
Though if you didn't speak like that to her that's good. And it's really bad you did with me. Gotta show me at least the same respect. Unlike her Im not playing you, Im pretty honest.
I can relate to that, exes ended up feeling like she did. Ill never regret the good times unless you hurt me enough to make me view you like a different man and see no hope for you changing. Times from years ago don't constitute present. That's why we gotta have s-- I mean cuddle for life.
_________________
My Pepe Le Skunk. I have so much faith in our love for one another. Thanks for being an amazing partner.
x Any topic, PM me; mind my profile.
23 Mar 2021, 1:29 pm
If you have watched the entire video, then you should know by now that it was meant for you.
23 Mar 2021, 1:58 pm
23 Mar 2021, 2:10 pm
Rexi wrote:
And it's really bad you did with me. Gotta show me at least the same respect. Unlike her Im not playing you, Im pretty honest.
You're not cute when you talk about us on a public forum. (And we already discussed this today.
)Rexi wrote:
Ill never regret the good times unless you hurt me enough to make me view you like a different man and see no hope for you changing.
And that's how I know I'm not a boy anymore. When a woman calls me a man.
Rexi wrote:
That's why we gotta have s-- I mean cuddle for life.
S'mores. We were talking about burning dictionaries and other textbooks in a large bonfire the other day and roasting marshmallows over them to make s'mores. Gotta have s'mores.
