Rants

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Some people are strong, but I can't be. I am weak.
I cannot hide it. I need to stay strong, but I can't. I can't allow my fear to show but it shows through my face.

I am scared. I am giving up.
I am giving in. I am crumbling.

Lillikoi, your not weak in the least, just someone whom finds it difficult to manage in some scenarios. It may seem to you and others possibly that I do super well in such offline environments. Not exactly, as there has been times where I hardly can think of things to say or react in way that does not make me appear even more eccentric than I've been perceived .

That horrible neighbour was outside her unit yesterday and I was scared to go back to mine in case she abused me again.

Dear Miss Aprilviolets, may I ask how this neighbor of yours presents abuse onto you?

She doesn't only abuse me, she's abused everyone in our units, the people near me have put an AVO out on her because she damaged their car.
The other day I was working in my garden and she came out and abused me saying I was in her garden and when I said I wasn't anywhere near her garden she screamed at me calling me a liar.
She does have schizophena though and when she takes her tablets she's okay but when she doesn't she screams at everyone.it is unnerving.

Aprilviolets, that is not too different from the time when I was living elsewhere and there was a tenant in the flat beneath me, whom not only notified my sister he was calling the authorities(police) on me but, actually did. It was most embarrassing have to explain the fact, I was not doing any of the purported activities he claimed I had been doing, like stomping all over the place intentionally. In fact, I recall at the time he claimed my grandmother whom lived in the same complex was working for the local intelligence services and trying to obtain urine samples from everyone.

Sometimes you need to crumble
To gather strength.
Because when you're lying at the bottom of that pit
Thinking you will never rise again
- I promise you -
You will see the stars to guide you out.

I hope you are right.
Thankish.

I've already given up. Life is not worth living. I'm just too stupid to take my own life. I'm also too stupid to drop dead. In short, like most people, I'm too stupid, and am best ignored.

^ you, sir, are NOT stupid.
I don't think it's best to ignore you.
I think it's best to give you a super, mammoth-sized, extra-squeezy hug.
(Yeah, I know you hate me)

Seriously, when you see a flaw or bug in a piece of software don't merely ignore it and have tons of customers jumping down your back, do something to reduce that potential

I should have pulled the trigger when I had the chance,

I can't really rant, as there is very little to rant about.


....Very little. That's what's bugging me.
Very little of everything.

I am not happy. Will I ever be happy?

...What is happy?

I wouldn't know what happiness is if it bit me in the ass.

If happiness bit you in the ass, then happiness would be a scrappy little dog.