I've not been around for a while as I've been juggling ALOT lately. My partner was diagnosed with squamous cell a couple of weeks ago, and even before that, his health problems and the fact that our relationship has been stormy the last 2yrs have made home life really hard.
My eldest (she's nearly 8yrs old) is not coping, and bless her, having no "adult" way to deal with things she has been acting up and misbehaving (as kids do anyway, nothing major like violence towards me or anything like that). She is living with my older sister for the time being (my own and partners choice) as stuff at home is so bad and I want her to have a break from it.
I'm gutted about it. I miss her everyday and cry about it when I'm on my own, along with everything else.
Everything at home is so emotionally charged - rather than bring us closer together, it's just brought stuff up from earlier on in the relationship (been together nearly a decade) that makes us both fight and argue. No matter what the conversation, an argument will start from either of us out of nowhere. He feels I'm not there for him emotionally. I try but it often fails miserably and makes stuff worse.
I'm thinking of making my own arrangements and leaving the relationship once he is free of cancer and has recovered from treatment. I don't want to be a dick and leave him high and dry when poorly, I want to take care of him as I still care, it's just I dint think we will be partners anymore.
20 May 2015, 9:31 am
