Anxiety triggered by my favourite activity :(

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Oh man...
For more than a year now, every time I try to draw or paint... even small scribbled drawings with no expectation... I feel the beginning of an anxiety attack going on and I eventually have to stop.

I've been drawing since I could hold a crayon. I've been through 3 years of an illustration degree at a very good art school and did extremely well. Until a year ago, I couldn't imagine going a day without at least filling a page in a sketchbook. If I had 5 minutes I would doodle. You get the idea...

So... yeah, a little over a year ago I started having typical artist's block from stress and life problems. A lot of crap I didn't want to deal with kept happening, I couldn't handle taking care of myself or what was going on around me and I moved back with my parents, quit my job, and stopped going to school halfway through a semester that I was failing anyway.

I tried to draw again tonight... I don't think I've tried for at least a month, because before that I would start to have anxiety attacks every time, and I don't know why. Same thing tonight. I can't explain it at all...

I don't start out with thoughts of failure or how bad I am, I don't sit and compare myself to others' work, it isn't basic artist's block anymore. I start drawing and no matter what I'm drawing, my head starts feeling fuzzy and a lot of pressure. I begin feeling aggravated and then the anxiety really sets in and goes from there until I have to stop, or have an anxiety attack.
Near Christmas I did finish an illustration, and it turned out really well. It took 2 weeks where in the past I could have done it in a day or two, but I finished it. The problem is I felt anxious and sick the whole time where I used to enjoy myself.

I've thought about forgetting it altogether, but... I WANT to draw and paint and ink and color, and I miss it so, so much. I don't know why it's not happening. It doesn't matter if the drawing is turning out crap or amazing, the minute I pick up a pencil with the intention of drawing it happens. I feel so lost because not only is it what I've filled the entire 24 years of my life with, but it's something I still WANT to do, I haven't lost interest and I don't want to stop, but I can't work my way through this anxiety.

I will have to sleep soon, I always have to sleep after trying to draw now, the anxiety is so severe that it exhausts me. I feel like I'm going to cry and vomit for hours afterward, and I snap at anyone who talks to me. But when I don't draw I feel ... I don't know, just kind of, not much? Drifting or something. I feel lost.

:[

Maybe you can trick yourself into drawing. What is your second strongest interest?

While engaging in your other strong interest, you can make a point of having a sketchbook and drawing supplies available. Doodling a brief idea can turn into a serious work of art before you catch yourself thinking "wait, I'm supposed to be having an anxiety attack while doing this!"

Alternatively, you can try another medium. Open up a GIMP or Blender session and goof around, or try your hand at sculpting. You may similarly find yourself drawing without meaning to, and without the anxiety.

Would rescue remedy help? I find it helps me through things that give me anxiety (but I don't think I've ever have had an anxiety attack).

I have the same kind of problem with my own "mechanical artistry". Where I used to be able to just pick up my tools and a few materials or whatever and go to work and not stop until something was completed, I now get ill from just thinking about even trying to re-caulk our bathtub ... and that little project is but the tip of the iceberg I still need and even want to conquer.

I just keep hoping something will change and re-vitalize me a bit in the days yet ahead.

What's rescue remedy?

I've tried to trick myself into drawing, too. No success. :[ I tried at least doodling the way I used to, while I waited for something online to load or while thinking about something else, but it's the same.

leejosepho, I'm sorry you're going through the same thing too. I wonder why this happens. :[[

Rescue remedy (by a company called Bach's) is a herbal mix for mild anxiety/stress so it could take the edge off your anxiety so that you feel less tired afterward. Also, it's mild, so it's a good one to test and see if it helps.

If it does work for you there are qualified herbalists but you need to do your research because some people claim to be qualified and haven't a clue. Properly qualified herbalists would be able to advise you as to a stronger version of rescue remedy. I only know about what works for me but it might be helpful to you too.

Here's a link: http://www.bachflower.com/

One thing to remember about herbal medicine is to be catious, do your research because it can help you weed out frauds.

I hope you feel better soon.

This is a problem for me, too. It seems whenever I try to do something I like-- road trips, playing video games, even eating-- I create all sort of obsessive-compulsive "rules" which if I don't follow, drive me crazy. If I do it "wrong" I have to do it over again. But the rules get more and more restrictive until they eventually put me in a cage and I can't do what I want to do at all.

With an obsessive-compulsive personality it's not necessarily what you do, it's what you think.

This happens whether I'm feeling noticeably "anxious" or not.

It's not funny. It's really sad. And downright scary, too. It's been getting really bad lately and I could see myself being one of those people someday that never leaves the house.

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Chama - I am in exactly the same boat as you except for the timeframe. I have my degree in Illustration but I stopped drawing after a life changing arguement with my father. That was over a decade ago and I've dealt with the daddy issue but I still can't seem to find my way back to drawing like I so desperately want to do. This past summer I tried to reignite my creative side - the 'doing' side, not just the 'thinking' side. It didn't quite work but I did manage to put a few small sketches to paper. Now that I am so out of practice my self criticism is at epic proportions. I definitely have art anxiety but its of the negative-scripts-running-in-my-head variety.

Definitely have a doctor check you out, just to be sure. From what you described, it doesn't sound like your garden variety anxiety. Perhaps it's a sensory issue?

Have there been any updates for anyone about drawing and anxiety? Drawing causes physical pain and anxiety even just thinking about it for me... Would love some shared stories and hopefully stories of improvement!

Jim

Jim, this thread is over 4 years old----NOT that it's not a relevant topic----I just don't think these people are around, anymore. Hopefully, someone "current" will be able to relate to you / this.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!!

I have issues doing artwork now. I have all the tools, the time.. the ideas.. the learned and natural talent/eye.. but not the desire/drive/emotional capacity.

My parents were not supportive, my mom was exceedingly abusive over my desire to pursue art as a career choice. As it wouldn't support me, she said. My father isn't that involved in my being or desires to be, but he is a physical worker and doesn't see art/illustration as a true job.

When I do artwork now a days, I just feel like I'm wasting time. My mom would tell me that. I spend so much time doodling, doing digital artwork, this and that.. and that it will accomplish nothing. It probably doesn't help I got overwhelmed dealing with my own clients, that was probably my fault. Most of my anxiety is caused by the thoughts 'what if my mom is right' and 'i must just be wasting my time..'

I was a freelance artist for several years, no degree.. I made 400 to 650 a month, but that was me managing everything. It got to be too much and I've since closed down in my desire to do things anymore to that extent. There are times I will convince myself to do artwork, I rather enjoy photography focused on landscapes, macro.. cars. If I do any art, its for myself.. and I never really finish it. But some day I will and it'll be my job, work as an art teacher or something okay like that...

The way I've managed the anxiety, I pay attention to the artwork and resource material I'm referencing (if any). I do studies, I do things quickly at first. Get my ideas out, spend time later fleshing them out, and then I just spend longer and longer on it before my anxiety gets to me.

But it only works occasionally. Personally, I wish I could be fixed at least in that perspective. I love artwork, I love creating. I'm still working to not only improve in my skills, but my ability to cope. I think I'll get there.