I feel awful

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Hello everyone,

I just joined this forum today so I'm sorry if I'm not supposed to start a new topic if I have something to say like this, or if I've come to the wrong forum/sub-forum but if any of you could offer me help and advice I would be very grateful, thank you.

The title says enough, I just feel awful. I just can't be happy. Everything is a struggle for me. Being an Aspie I've always found social situations hard, I feel like I can't form strong social ties with those around me. I just stick out like a sore thumb. I feel very awkward around people and I'm always worried that if I say the wrong thing to something I will upset them or they will laugh at me. I really don't like it when people laugh at me, it's really upsetting. I've never had that many real friends, I tend to fall out with my friends quite a lot and I was bullied quite a lot at school. The slightest things upset me. I feel pathetic when I get upset about things that the average person would consider "trivial", even though it really upsets me I just feel really weak for getting upset.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, the main reason I came here today is to talk about how I keep getting bullied online. I'm a member on this reality show fan forum and people just keep starting fights with me and then try to paint me as the bad guy and someone who is "playing the victim". For example, today someone on that forum was bullying me and I reported his comment. I told him that I reported the comment and suddenly loads of people started laughing and yelling at me, calling me a bully and throwing shade at me with GIFs and sticking up for him. I've had problems with quite a lot of users, and I don't understand why. I've never done anything so horrible to any of those people. I really don't understand, it seems like wherever I go people always take an instant dislike to me and judge me and I don't know what I've done wrong. I just wish I could do what everyone else seems to do so well and fit in with people, I just want to be accepted.

next time you report someone, don't tattle on yourself. other than that, i hope you have a pet you can snuggle with, or failing that, a nice comforting cup of hot cocoa or tea if that's your thing.

Hi! Welcome to Wrong Planet. Sorry to hear about your experience on that other site, but rest assured that people here don't behave like that, so you've come to a good place. If you take a look round the various forums I think you'll see that we're generally very supportive and understanding here, happy to listen, give advice etc. Of course, arguments do break out occasionally, particularly on the Religion, Philosophy and Religion forum, but that's just the nature of those topics. And on the whole the WP moderators are very fair, so if you have site questions just send them a pm.

I hope you enjoy yourself here.

I have read a couple of the threads here and I agree people are really very supportive of each other, which is what I really love to see. Thank you very much Cathy and Hyperborean for your advice, I really appreciate it I'm so glad there are forums like this available for me, I am a very emotional person and I have a lot of things to get off my chest, and I'm happy that I've finally found a place to do so

I'm still really quite worried how everything will be when I go back on the forum. One thing I forgot to mention was that I have OCD, and sometimes I decide to take long breaks from the forum but my OCD compels me to log back on. And when I do log back on someone starts a fight with me. The thing is people keep telling me that since I don't ignore people when they try to start fights with me, that's the reason the drama never stops, but no-one is mentioning that what people are saying to me is wrong. The reason the drama never stops is because these people don't get told off/punished for what they do. I'm not responsible for the fights that go on between me and other users, they are because they are the ones who start them. I don't ask for people to start fights with and bully me, I just want people to either be nice to me, and I will be nice back, or leave me alone, and I will leave them alone

Unfortunately that is the nature of some online forums. If people want to be nasty to you, they will be, there's very little you can do about it except not visit that place.

I take your point about your OCD, but somehow (sorry if this sounds simplistic) you are going to have to wean yourself off your compulsion. If you can't then you need to talk to a counsellor or therapist. Visiting that forum does you nothing but harm, you have to stop going there.

I'm sorry that you're having a rough time. I agree with the others that this is a pretty safe and supportive message board. It's starting to become my safe little corner of the internet and I think that you'll find the same.

I was having a similar discussion http://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=278716&start=15 about being harassed on social networking. You might find some of it helpful. I can definitely relate to what you're going through and it sounds like quite a few of us have had these experiences.

Unfortunately, my best advice is probably to try and avoid that message board as best as you can. OCD is tough and I get if it's easier said than done. Best of luck and welcome!

Hugs :O)

You can hang out with us Sweet Peas, here.

Can you just log in to that fan site without actually posting? It's only if you post that people have the opportunity to be abusive surely?

Many of us on the spectrum tend to be pretty emotional and thin skinned. I have short lived outbursts from time to time when little things go wrong or when I feel that those around me haven't responded to me for instance phoned me back, but its just an overreaction on my part. I'm learning to overcome these traits and not "panic".

After a brief storm or meltdown I never sulk though, unlike some who stay upset.

Welcome to WP!

I would think that the average participant on a reality TV forum wouldn't be a very sharp tool, if you catch my drift. Reality TV tends to appeal to many people who really aren't that smart. I don't mean that YOU are an idiot, just that many of THEM are. Such people are followers more than leaders, and they will follow virtually anybody because they want to be seen as part of the in crowd wherever they go. These types will argue for policies that benefit billionaires far more than themselves, and justify it because they "like" Ron Paul or "hate" Obama simply because their favorite talk show host told them to. So, they log in to their favorite forums, and once a "leader" on the forum starts an attack they all jump in and join along to earn brownie points with the leader. It's human nature at its basest. If these people do this to you consistently, just quit the forum before the mods ban you. I recently had to quit a forum that I'd been on for three years after everybody suddenly turned against me because of a single post I made that was misunderstood.

Thank you very much for the advice, everyone.

I actually enjoy being on the forum when people are nice, but unfortunately, of course, that doesn't happen all the time. I think that I do need to possibly quit that site for a while or not go on as much to wean myself off of being on there for several hours a day so I'm not on there all the time. Being on this forum is already a big step in the right direction, I'm already on the other forum less without feeling the need to go back on

Just went back on and saw people are still having a go at me and turning against me. UGH, thank you OCD for ruining my morning

On another note I actually feel much better in general now. I've found a place where I can talk about my problems instead of bottling them up and I don't feel the need to go back on the other forum as much, and it's only been one day! This is a big achievement for me

That sounds pretty positive, I'm glad that you enjoy it here. You've come quite a long way in just one day, congratulations!

Here's a suggestion: if you can't stop visiting that other site completely all at once, why not try and ration yourself to very short visits, and gradually reduce them over a period of weeks until you stop going there? You could even write a schedule, allowing yourself X minutes per day there. As time goes by you can gradually eliminate your compulsion.

Just went back on for a minute and people are still saying things about me, even people I don't know

I'm a catlover, too.

Why do you keep going to that other Site?

Do yourself a favor, really....and move on from that Site.

What do you get out of the Site? Perhaps you could go to another site devoted to that same reality program.