i just want to die forever alone

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i kinda started out the funny guy in middle school after highschool started i lost alot of good friends and i started not talking alot because people thought i was fat and weird but like they just havent gotten to know me yeah they got the fat part right but like after 2 years of just not talking to alot of people really made me depressed and im not like the guy thats very social till you talk to me but once during my freshman year i really liked this girl in my class i thought she wasnt judgemental or anything we talked i said some jokes and she laughed but after a few months of trying to talk to her one day she just told me i was a weirdo which really made me sad so ever since then i havent been talking to alot of girls because i feel self consious not sure if i spelled that right but on top of that my family hates me they dont like buying me stuff or anything i celebrated 17 years of my life doing nothing every year and just being told ill get you something next year or some bs and my brother use to beat me alot for dumb reasons but since the beginning of my junior year he stopped beating me my mom would always just watch after i got beat i would just cry to sleep because my mom does not do anything to prevent it i remember one time when i was like 15 he punched me above my eyebrow and i was bleeding alot and all she said was do good in life im just like after all this thats all you say to me and she wouldnt let me call the cops because he was over 18 and was 15 or 16 cant remember to much beatings as i grew up and after my senior year i might kill myself because im not sure what im gonna achieve i want my family to suffer when i die because 17 years of torment and no love for me maybe they will realize they shouldve cared about me more sorry if i sound selfish and immature but i hope that if you have a family out there love them and not push them away like my family

Reading this made me want to cry. Please call this suicide hotline now: 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)

What are you especially interested in? There is life at the end of the tunnel. I'm sorry you're feeling so sad.

There's lots of teens here whom you could talk to, and who are going through similar hassles in life.

I am so sorry!

I have had to deal with many NT classmates who are unkind or just don't understand.
I am pretty new here and find this community to be supportive and kind,
I hope you find help and friendship here