Before I started first year of college in 2009 I was convinced by my family to join Facebook after I closed down Myspace account because I was attacked a lot. However, I noticed a difference between the beginings and now in terms of my issues.
it seemed that Facebook is causing my mild case of ASD to be very influencing, causing too much drama on talking to people and sharing statuses and that. I believe ASD developed a BPD and the catastrophic behaviour too. Before Facebook I was happy, now I am slightly unhappy because it has affected my social life. I still have social life in reality, even I am member of four student clubs and involved in groups stuff. It is more sociable than my first year of college after I joined Facebook.
I get regular counselling and workshop sessions as started in year of 2009 til now I still am. I am not sure how correlated with my problems socially and that between my disabilities and the social media.
Now I feel about the concerns of not being paid attention online. I think I am starting to take habit of deleting my posts on my wall if there are no likes nor comments has been made. I believe this makes me feel ashamed of how good I am communicating with people. I get this come from people who get unlimited amount of attention paid to their posts. I find this furious, and wondered what I did is wrong. Does this tell me is it people in reality doesn't do a same like they are actually listening to me?
I can tell there is a huge difference between people listen to me in reality and on Facebook. You don't see the 'likes' and 'comments' in digital form in reality. Instead you actually observe people listening to you. That makes me feel right. But why Facebook is designed to be antisocial? I think its my family fault of convincing me to join. I had lost lots of friends over Facebook more than anyone else I know.
I have been considered to delete it and ask friends for their phone numbers so we can text. But I get a lot of no's. I struggled to delete it because there are too many friends and families on there wanting me to stay. Now I am clueless.
10 Jun 2015, 9:38 pm
