How do I deal with a friend with suicidal thoughts?

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I have Googled this question extensively, but every tip I find assumes that you live within visiting distance of said friend. I only get to see my friend once or twice a year, so I don't have the advantage of physically being there when I'm needed most. Anyhow, my friend has a form of depression, which of course instigates the potential for suicidal thoughts. I had been made aware of one attempt early into his diagnosis. He has since undergone treatment and as a result, he has felt much better and has given me no reason to worry for years. I've also heard that someone with depression is most likely to commit suicide before the first couple weeks of treatment, so I thought that fact confirmed that everything would be fine from here on out.

Now it's occurred to me that he tried to kill himself 9 months ago. He has since made the transition into a woman and claims to feel better than ever now that she is who she wants to be. First, I am angry beyond description. She was supposed to be FINE BEFORE. Hell, he even expressed his intentions to transition into a woman a couple or so months beforehand, so why did he want to kill himself when he knew he was ABOUT to be happy? My immediate response is this building need to punch her in the face the next time I see her and/or scream my feelings at her. I know that that's no way to react, and I know that I wouldn't do anything to hurt her, but for the moment, it seems like such an appealing response. Secondly, in the 6 years I've known this person, I've tried everything I could to make her feel that she is forever loved by me, that I was someone she could talk to when there's a problem. The fact that she's attempted suicide makes me feel like I don't matter to her at all. Like ruining my life is worth her relief.

I want to talk about it with her. And I'm sure she'd say something like, "I feel much better now. I would never do anything like that again." Except she told me this before, after the first attempt.

Tell her to call a suicide hotline immediately, such as 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) (US) or 0845 790 9090 (UK). Which country do you live in?

Catlover's advice

Plus: try to talk to your friend about things which are UNRELATED to his/her depression. Try to get your friend to go to a movie, or out for a walk in nature, or for a run (if you're so inclined as well, and he/she is in the proper physical shape).

Or, if your friend has an impending desire to talk about it, listen, then offer suggestions which are based upon "reality testing."

Tell your friend that you care about him/her, and that he/she is very important to you.

Talking about any "special interest" your friend has will help as well.

I believe that talking about the world which you share is very important.

OttselHero;

I agree with Catlover5 and Kraftiekortie.

For her- yes she needs to talk to someone, on a hotline or another professional, do you know other people who live close to her, that could physically check on her?

For his/her previous attempts, what was the method used? Does she still have access to that method? This happened with a cousin of mine, her friends who lived hundreds of miles away were talking to her on the phone and felt she was close to acting on those feelings. They called their police who were able to contact police in the area my cousin lived.

You are angry with her possible choice and how losing her would make you feel. Right now She is feeling so much emotional pain, a kind of tunnel vision has almost convinced her death is the only way out. When you talk to her, help her find reasons to chose life. You could call the hotline professionals and get advice from them.

If faith is a part of who you are, there is prayer. My prayers are with you and your dear friend.

Have had similar experience - please go with catlover5's advice

I don't know if this is the right thing to do but it is what I did. I had an employee call me from home and said she was doing just that while we were talking. I asked her to give me a moment because I needed to set the phone down and take the register which is not what I actually did. I actually told another employee to use the other phone to call the police while I stayed on the phone with the employee who had called me. I stayed on the phone with her until the police showed up with an ambulance.

What was happening at the moment I got that call was this person was reaching out for help or so I have been told. I had previously lost an uncle to suicide and since have also lost a cousin. It is very hard to know the correct response but it is something to take seriously, which I'm sure you do. Please don't take it personally, though. It is caused by an illness that she doesn't wish to have.

I was upset with my uncle when he did it. By the time my cousin did it I had seen what it was like and no longer blamed them but the illness and the lack of understanding that led up to the event. Like mentioned previously it is like a tunnel vision where the release of death is the only light at the end. I wish the best for you and your friend.