'Structured life'

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I am wondering why the more I learn from counselling, workshops and research that life appears to be 'structured'. From my experience, from this objective, I seeing myself more socially ret*d and less accepting kind of person. I am extroverted person, thus I do approach people because I am unique, special and awesome.

But in reality, I never get returns of friendships, fwb's and relationships. I am 24 years old postgrad student, first year of uni is like 2009. And I still don't have proper friends who does a two way traffic, invite me to stuff and accept my invitation. I still struggle, even after 100 appointments from counsellors and workshops.

Now I am a client for psychology reseachers at my uni because they identified me having serious social problems. It scared me a lot. I find it surprising that I still get accepted in many stuff like student leaderships, interest workshops and groups in classes. It more accepting in intellectual environment rather than balance of two. I only have mild case of ASD and hearing loss. So I have no idea what life suppose to do with me. I want to have a group of good friends, relationships and sex like everybody else does.

It seems easy from their perspective, but to me its not. I wonder why. I need a major bypass brain surgery to get rid of my wiring problems!

Over the years, I too have done many workshops, support group meetings, and much counseling. I have a good head knowledge and learned decent skills for approaching people, conversing, and so on. It is all learned role-playing that I can usually apply well.

But guess what? It still doesn't cause me to metamorphose into an extroverted NT butterfly. Rather it is only enough to allow me just to get by. I am usually still perceived as something of a weird duck that does not get invited to the next party. (Which is actually fine by me; I hate parties. )

So when people say "fake it until you make it", I have to take that with a grain of salt. I can often fake it well enough; but if I do that with an internal expectation that I will completely change I am just setting myself up for an unpleasant bit of cognitive dissonance.

I'm not a fan of alcohol inclusion parties. It does for many uni students plans these stuff. Though, I still enjoy social company because I am extroverted. I never make judgment of others before these scenarios. I wonder why this is so. Lot of NT last night told me via private messages on Facebook, that said I am over reacting by missing out social events of they planned. They said it got nothing to do with me, nor it being intentional.