something inside snapped

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I feel like something broke inside me or the rubber band got would a little too tightly and flew away upon breaking.

My daughter was being difficult, always whining and thinking she's in charge and not listening, doing her own thing and just not earning what she wants to do. We have a system where you do your chores or educational things and earn so many minutes on the iPad or whatever. Despite having the list, she still wants to do what she wants and I'm so very fed up with it.

She's often rude to people who are trying to help her and that's what set me off today. She almost slipped down some stairs and my wife caught her. Several seconds later, my wife was trying to console her but my daughter was being extremely rude and I refused to stand for it. I tried getting stern with her but ever the coddler, my wife intervenes and reminds me that, like me, she's on the spectrum.

I shut down. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help her and I'm very jealous of how my daughter's being treated. Where was that kind of attitude when I was a kid? Hell, I could be somebody today rather than a friggin fat guy sitting around collecting Social Security playing Minecraft all goddamn day long.

I'm very angry. I'm also sad and lonely and feeling misunderstood and empty and I just want to seal myself off from the world and have a cry and a nap.

There are times, I'll admit to wanting to end it all. I suppose I can't and shouldn't do that.

How old is your daughter? I know that people on the spectrum can be really bad during adolescence (I was also pretty bad during puberty and I am on the spectrum).

She'll be 8 in August.

Were I in such a situation, I think I would benefit from a good cry and a nap. My doctor told me that the act of crying helps drain away painful hormones while releasing good ones. Sleep seems to reboot my brain.