BPD Scares... Everyone

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Only my immediate family knows I have BPD. I was diagnosed last year and I'm starting to notice the mood swings and intense feelings because of that. The growing fear that I have is that people are afraid of me because of this. They may not explicitly know, but various people are extremely awkward around me because I cared for them. My ex-girlfriend a couple years ago felt awkward at the fact I still wanted to be with her. I should have given her some space, but I didn't want to accept that that part of our lives was over.
Aside, now it's my sister. She's at some college orientation now, but she's leaving for college out of state and has already begun moving things and everything. I love her very much and I frequently ask a lot of affection from her to me and me to her, but she's been more distant. We don't talk as much as we used to, and I'm afraid that she's trying to avoid me because of this. A big part of me doesn't want her to leave, but I know she has to.
After I leave school, what's next? Who will be my friend and who will dash my hopes? I feel like I've ruined so many more relationships in my life as a result and I don't want people to leave or forget about me.

I think perhaps that there are inevitable changes occurring in your home life, and loosing the immediate closeness you have with your sister, might be a natural part of those changes. It must be tough for you regardless.

BPD is one of those diagnosis which seems to have many prejudices attached to it. I think its human nature to fear the unknown; even on this site with its share of oddballs, the L&D section seems at times, to label undesirable attributes in women as BPD.

Is it possible that you have internalized wider societal prejudices towards the label?

No, but it was apparently due to the mood changes I experience every day. Sometimes, I feel really happy, but then I get depressed and don't want to talk with anyone. Or sometimes really angry, but then get really happy for no reason. So I can confirm it's real. I struggle to control my emotions regularly and I'm worried that people will leave and I won't see them anymore.

I think I just saw in another thread about getting angry....someone wrote there's a reason for how a person feels, it just may not be easily understood by other people.

I understand you are saying you have BPD and am not trying to say otherwise, just.....it's ironic what you write here, in that struggling to or feeling or being unable to control emotions and worrying about people leaving because they always seem to are the topics of so many threads at Wrong Planet, that it's clear these kind of experiences are not restricted to people with BPD.

It's hard to let go of someone when you're not great at making friends

My apologies, I didn't intend to communicate that what you are experiencing isn't real.

Is it possible that the negative societal associations attached to BPD have influenced how you perceive this distancing between you and your sister? Her whole life is changing soon, she will experience a new set of challenges, perhaps this pressure is effecting her in different ways, including her relationships; and its not related to her perceiving you differently now or fearing you because of this diagnosis.
Can you talk with her about your fears of being forgotten?

She is unaware of this because she is used to me visiting my counselor. I just have been too clingy to her in the past few months and I am worried that I have scared her for good.

I have my own type of relationship difficulties, and don't believe that I am the best person to give relationship advice.
I think though, it is good that you are aware of how your diagnosis can effect you on an interpersonal level and I would be certain that communicating about your fears, understanding yourself as you do now, would help maintain your relationship more than not talking about it would.

I was actually diagnosed with BPD a few years ago in the psyc unit and life will go on as normal. You have to learn to adapt to the way that you think about things and realize it is ok to be different from other people. Be comfortable and confident in who you are.

I would be fine with my BPD father (supposed, he refuses going to assessment) if he only learned to control his anger.
His mood swings and paranoic believes are affordable. And he stopped drinking alcohol so it's good now. But his rage attacks are still a huge problem.

When he is on it he stops thinking logically. An careless comment or incautious face expression and he snaps. Everyone - especially me and my mom - suddenly becomes his "enemy", whole world is "against him", everyone "thinks low" on him and he must "fix" the whole world. He does it by yelling and swearing. When I was a kid he used to hit me too but fortunately he doesn't do it anymore. He just stands there and yells as loud as possible which make my ears hurt but when I try to cover them or escape he gets even closer and yells even louder, spiting saliva everywhere because he thinks I am "refusing to listen to him", not simply protecting my ears from the loud sound he makes.

I hope you control your anger better than he does.

I always thought that you had to be 18 to be diagnosed with BPD?

My ex was about as classic BPD as you could get. I did not necessarily mind that in itself (I was a white knight and am far from perfect) but what forced me to run from her was how she would randomly and violently lost control and NEVER EVER went to seek help or improvement. My mental health rapidly deteriorated and I felt like a prisoner in my own home.

Kiriae: That sounds a lot like my father when I was younger, particularly in my pre-teen years. We are pretty close now but his blind rages were downright terrifying!

BPD scares a lot of people.

I know, because I have extremely BPD tendencies.

But it is treatable for those who wish to reach out for help, and who also have a willingness to help themselves.

It scares me when I am around BPD people who use the diagnosis as an excuse for inexcusable behaviour.

But not everybody with the diagnosis is like that. Those outspoken motherf***ers are in the vast minority.

Be the great person you want to be, and if you need to seek out help to get there, that help is there for that very reason. People will notice when a person is working on improving himself/herself. And if those people have any cognitive intelligence whatsover, they will respect that. But don't do it for them. The kind of people that people fear the most are the ones who are afraid of themselves. The kind of people that form solid bonds with other people are the ones who embrace themselves no matter what they are dealing with.

You are not defective. You just have another obstacle in your life to deal with. Think of it as a medical nuisance instead of a complete fall from grace.