Aspie grieving

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I have a question to ask us aspies. Yesterday, thursday, I was told by my mom that my Grandad Is dying from pancreatic and liver cancer, and I am having trouble with my feelings. The thing is I just don't understand what excactly I'm supposed to feel. I don't understand what I'm feeling. I am trying to think of the situation logicaly and positivley. The fact is my Grandma is dying too, but she is going slowly. I just am so confused I want to let it all OUT but I can't. Emotions have not been my forte I prefer to not deal with them. Ohh its just so confusing!
How do you other aspies deal with losing loved ones? Any sugesstions are greatly appreciated

Thanks for allowing me to get this off my chest. I don't know what I would do without WrongPlanet.net

I've had to deal with this several times. I'd advise you to spend as much time as possible with both your grandparents right now, and you'll be showing them by just your presence that you care about them. We process and show emotions very, very differently from other people, so don't get hung up worrying about whether or not other people are judging you because you're not running around in hysterical tears over this. Your feelings are your own, and trying too hard to label them and worrying that they're not "appropriate" for the situation isn't fair to yourself. Just spend time with them and tell them that you'd be glad to listen to them if they need to talk. Actually I think we're easier to be around and talk to when someone is really facing a crisis like this one, because we don't get all emotional and dramatic and switch the focus to ourselves and our feelings. We can just let them talk and listen to them without making them feel guilty for "upsetting" us. Good luck.

If your parents know and you have been suspected of or are diagnosed with AS (basically, if have have been thought to have AS or your parents have gotten you diagnosed), I'm sure they won't mind if you go up to them and present your situation by saying "Mum, you know how you said Grandad is dying...?" "Yes?" "Well, I just, don't know how or what to feel". Obviously it's not something to ask over dinner or lunch, but in one of the downtimes (I find sometime after dinner to be the best time).

Also, this depends on what kind of parents they are.

I remember being at my grandfather's wake, I was around seventeen. I think my father noticed that I was trying to shadow him, act like he was, so he pulled me aside and told me that there's no right way to deal with grief. So don't think too much about how you act, focus more on your feelings when you can.

i acknowledge it much like Data acknowledged the death of Tasha Yar in Star Trek Next Generation....

i recognise the loss... but i have difficulty feeling it... but i find as it happens more, i feel more... maybe it'll happen with you the same way?

This isn't just an aspie issue though. People often react in very different ways to grief.

Funny thing is, I tend not to feel anything in most cases. Losing the person is the issue - how big a deal they are in my life. Doesn't really matter whether they're dead or just out of reach.

That's so right hartz. Whenever I've had to deal with someone who's depressed, instead of saying "Oh I'm so sorry for you, cheer up, yaady-yaady-yaada..." I just ask them questions about why, and just let them slowly vent it out. Certainly helps.

Thanks everyone! I mow what you mean with the not over dramitizes stuff. I seem to be very calm about it. What happened yesterday was I was told and then I was left alone, so I went to bed and was home alone all day, so that aspie imagination kicked in to overdrive and I was thinking the worst. But now my family has had a talk and my granparents are making arrangement for the funeral and they are thinking positive.
aspie_for_the_lord I was also trying to think of parellels from shows on TV. Like the death of a crew member from Startrekor I was thinking of dumbeldore's death and how I felt then. This naspie greivig stuff is interesting.

I actually burst into hysterical laughter several times at my great-aunt's funeral.