I really hate people

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The guy downstairs won't stop going in and out of his flat or something... can I just tell him to close the doors carefully each time or something? Argh...

Funny how I found this thread when I'm sitting here in my boyfriend's flat thinking the same thing as you! Spooky!

The man in the flat next door here keeps in and out of his door and they slam loudly, shaking the whole block. It does get on my nerves, and, like you, I often feel like telling him to be quiet and stop keep in and out slamming doors.

But it's best not to, because you're not sure how they're going to react. Some people might feel uneasy and then feel like they have to tiptoe just because of you. Others might make even more noise on purpose and slam doors even louder, now that they know it annoys you. Yes, some people are a***holes.

I can't really think of a solution.

[MOVED from General to the Haven]

On the bright side, if he keeps going in and out, maybe he's moving?

I have similar problems in the building where I live. In the corridor outside my door, there is a "fire door" people have to pass through to walk through the corridor and out to the stairs. This darn thing squeaks loudly like something out of an old haunted house movie. It's so loud I can hear it even when I'm in my kitchen on the far side of my apartment, running the water too!

At certain times, somebody is passing through that squeaky door literally every couple of minutes. I hate the sound of it, and it also sets my anxiety going because of something that happened two years ago which I still haven't let go of even though nothing similar has happened since. But I've connected the sound of the door squeaking to the mild trauma and can't stop that loop in my brain.

Okay, as I type this, that door has just squeaked not just every couple of minutes but about six times in one paragraph typed. What the F**K?

However, I agree about not letting them know how much something bothers you -- people ARE ass holes and I've nearly always found that they escalate the noise just to spite me, no matter how pleasant I am when I've approached them.

Well, you could take a chance and ask the guy nicely to close his door a bit more gently. Might help to explain that the sound transmits through to your room louder than might be expected. It's a bit risky to try that because he might turn out to be a jerk and do it all the more, though in my experience they either to it a bit less or they don't change it at all. Of course the big problem is likely to be the notorious Aspie lack of people skills, which makes it hard to put on the necessary gloss when you're feeling like bawling the guy out. Though sometimes I've conveyed my anger and people have responded quite well. Depending on where you live, it may help if you're built like a gorilla - or if you have a friend who's built like a gorilla who is willing to advocate for you.

People are always slamming the communal entry gate to the terrace block where I live. By the time I get out there they've usually gone, and then I don't even know who did it. Also, the large number of offenders makes it difficult to have a word with all of them, and they're always moving, so it's not a job that will ever be completely done. I'm thinking of attaching some bits of rubber to the edges of the gate, to deaden the impact a bit. I'm rather hoping that if I get it right, the gate will bounce open when slammed, so the only way they'll be able to shut it will be to shut it gently. Trouble is, another thing they do is to leave it open, and then the wind catches it and slams it shut, so I'll have to think the project through.

I'm a misanthropist on principle.

I don't think it would be a good idea to ask them because they might start to hold a grudge against you and become spiteful about it. I use to have a roommate that would stay up all night and make noises. Then when I would talk to her about it she would only get defensive and seemed to act hostile towards me afterwards.

For the squeaky door, could you oil it, maybe with WD40?

For all the others, could you post something in a common place, addressed to everybody or not addressed at all, and in a really friendly way ("Did you know?") explain that noises in the hallways, such as doors slamming, are exaggerated as they pass through other doors in the same hallway, where there's nothing to impede the sound. Write it playfully, no demands or anything like that. Oh, maybe you could say "I bet you don't want to tell whole floor about your outings, but that's what's happening! A soft touch keeps your privacy, and everybody else's eardrums." Just thinking out loud.

I like the idea of the anonymous, general note with a touch of humor pinned in a public place -- that could very well work.

As for the squeaky door -- I tried oiling it years ago! Didn't work! I snuck out there one night with some oil and got it into all the working parts that would usually respond to oil. I was amazed to find it didn't change a thing. I can't figure out how the door still squeaks.

It's a kind of industrial door that may have different parts or internal ones in its hinges, that I can't get to with oil. The squeak is actually a full-on groaning sound and most of the doors make the same noise, so there's something mechanical going on there that I'm not sure can be oiled.

Thanks for the thought, though.

I find the more you allow someone's BS to continue.. well.. the more it will. Plain and simple. Tell them to close the door quietly like a normal human being, if they don't, they're just a sh***y person.

I go in and out my apartment all night and my neighbors have 3 dogs. One in 20 times going out, they'll bark. It's not hard.

I live over a 40 year old couple who deal weed and smoke strong "skunk" weed constantly, the building stinks, they argue all the time, they have loud customers in and out all night. Telling a violent neighbor off is not always sensible advice. I'm just grateful they are not that bad, it could be worse, and i live in a beautiful place.