It really shouldn't have been a day day, considering it was a day off from work..
But I went to go see an aunt that came up for the week from her state, and I invited her to the sunday cookout that was going on at my fathers. Thinking that, well.. I was going to hang out with my aunt and actually have someone to talk to.. And as we were sitting in the kitchen at my grandmother's house, my uncle and his six kids showed up and my cousin showed up (who was also attending the cookout). My cousin invited my uncle and his kids over, and they politely refused because they had a day of doing things that they had planned. And that was all good..
So when my aunt and I go over there, I'm hanging out with the dog and my sister for a bit and I guess my aunt starts talking to my father and stepmom and she mentioned how steven and the kids had been invited by my cousin. And my stepmom starts freaking out.. I was unaware and the cousin that invited them wasn't there at the time so.. I defended her a bit. I said I didn't see an issue because they weren't coming over anyway, so there wasn't going to be a problem.. and then she started in on me, saying that I 'started it all' when I invited my aunt. My cousin and I, we live together and we had said to each other that we should invite the aunt over for the cookout because it had been described as a 'family cookout'.. Like, okay, one person. Aunt beth would love to come over we bet. And my stepmom said no, it was a 'teen cookout' for only the kids, 'or whatever you want to call it for yourself because you're older than 18'. So I stayed silent for a bit, realizing that I had done something wrong without intending it and I wasn't sure how to fix it at the time. I later suggested that I might leave or not eat if the food was an issue and she asked me why I was being ridiculous.. repeatedly. I still don't understand how a valid question could be ridiculous..
After that I got a little anxious, my medication was starting to wear off and by the time the rest of the people that were invited started to show up I was starting to become too overwhelmed but I felt that I could deal with it for a little bit. Kids were bumping into me and another aunt's dog was constantly barking, and then everything just got too loud between the majority of the family telling my sister's boyfriend to go to the hospital because he injured himself at work and just.. everything..
The last straw was when the aunt that owned the barking dog touched me, she touched my shoulders and tried to give me a massage and I never gave her permission to and she never asked. Like why do people think touching another person without permission is okay? Its like I can still feel her damn hands on my shoulders, it hurt like hell too.
So I left, much to the confusion of my father because I couldn't explain why. I just knew I needed to escape and that's what I did. My aunt that I had invited to the cookout later called me and asked and all I could do was cry.. I've been feeling really depressed since I got home and I slept for seven hours.. and wasted my day.. not that it had been a good day in the first place.
It really compounded my anxiety over moving out of my current place and its just.. being homeless isn't going to be easy and finding a different job isn't going to be easy.. and I'm trying. I'm trying to get out of debt and I can do it, but today had just been too much all at once...
19 Jul 2015, 9:18 pm
