I'll set you free

Post Reply New Topic

I'll set you free:
Unless you start speaking to me again, I'll set you free of me so that you can marry someone else and it not be counted as adultery as per Romans 7:3. You're the only reason I have to live Jackie. I will let the birds fly away and hope they migrate south before winter, if I can't find them a home. I don't know when I'll get an eviction notice, but I can't find work within walking distance or bike distance even. Soon after I get that notice, I'll try writing you and calling you once to give you one more chance. Then I'll say goodbye, and you'll be free to remarry without guilt. I love you Jackie. Even when I was worried you might be a pedophile and was annoyed by you doing no work or housework for two years I still loved you and remained committed to you. I wish we could just be reconciled together and I hope we will be.

That statement concerns me

You put up with that shitstorm and you're the one begging for her back? Damn.

It's concerned me too for a while, but I know in my heart she isn't like that. She was a super-diligent righteous woman for the first three years, and then an employer tried to use her as a scapegoat. She shut down, that's why she didn't work. She loves children, like a mother and not like a monster, and that has been taken away from her by an accuser. If I had half a notion that what her employer said was true, I'd send copies of the letter of accusation to every daycare and nursery on the planet as it would be my moral obligation to protect those children whom she might work with. But I've never been able to bring myself to believe it, she isn't like that at all. My being honest with her hurt her feelings, I should have never told her that I was worried she might be that way. It's one of the most horrible things that can be said about a person, yet all those memes talk about how communication and openness is supposed to be good for relationships - what a bunch of crap! I should have just kept my worries to myself and never hurt her feelings. That's part of why I wanted to write about it here, thinking she'd never read it so I could just work through my feelings with the help of friends in a forum where no employers would bother reading. I just can't stand how much I've hurt her feelings and I can't stand how silent she's been. I love my Jackie, and she is a good woman. But if she won't return before it's too late I'm going to just kill myself. She told her brother whatever it took to get away from me and threatened to commit suicide if he didn't obey her, so I'm going to do the same: if she wont return to me, I'm going to end this. I can't stand this. I don't want to live without Jackie and I'm not going to. Then she can marry whomever she wants without it being adultery in God's sight. I don't know what else to do. I've tried to make everything right, but she wont listen, she wont do anything. I can't stand this much longer, so as soon as I'm given an eviction notice I'm going to set her free of horrible me.

God brought us together though, so I'm still going to hope that God will bring us back together. I love Jackie and apart from my vows I promised her that I'd never give her up, and so I'm not going to give up on her.

This is me and beautiful Jackie and our marriage is worth fighting for, I just hope she'll starting fighting for it again also. I want nothing more in life than to be back with Jackie.

No human being is worth suiciding for

That might be, but what am I supposed to do?

let her go
hurt for a bit
wait for the next one

You act like a man and you treat her like a woman.
You sign the divorce paperwork and allow her to move on with her life. You morn the loss for a while, then you move on as well. You start taking care of yourself, getting yourself cleaned up. Sitting about, waiting to be evicted, threatening suicide, these are not ways to win someones heart.
Act like you care about her and what she wants. She has made her intentions very clear that she wants a clean break, so give it to her. Of course you will feel devastated, and of course it will take time to recover. Then, act like someone she would want to be with. Clean up, get yourself back on your feet, and move on with your life.
Good luck and stay safe.

I've tried to move on, I've tried to find work, I've tried to do everything and I can't. There is no such horrible thing as a "clean break" in a covenant marriage. Without Jackie, I have no reason to live - not even the birds.

You are right that a clean break is impossible. At this point in her life, she would rather kill herself than deal with you and that is the reality you need to live with. Impassioned pleas about how you'll kill yourself if she doesn't come back are probably not helping your cause. Most likely she isn't reading any of it, though her brother might be, and talk of like that would tend to reinforce his protective nature and steel his resolve to keep you away from his sister.
If you can't take care of yourself, how can you take care of her?
If she really is your only reason for living, then live like it. You have to prove that first. Prove that you've changed and won't hurt her again. Prove that you care about her feelings. If you can't act like a covenant man, then stop playing at it. You've done things that put you in this position. You took this lovely woman and hurt her so deeply and all you seem to rail about is how in despair you are. What about her? The person she trusted, the person she covenanted to spend her whole life with, betrayed her.
The anger and the hostility she must feel about this I can only imagine. I would say her silence is very wise.
Clean yourself up. Make yourself a man worthy of her. That will take work. That will be hard. But from what you've said, it sounds like she is worth it.
Good luck and stay safe.

I'm sorry to see your going through such a rough time, I hope you either get her back or get a clean break.

Matthew, it says in that book "let no man separate what God has put together" and the only excuse possible in the New Testament for leaving one's spouse is adultery - which I have not committed.

Thanks. It's going to stay that way because I'm not going to give up on her - as soon as she's ready to repent our marriage shall be saved.



Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Men and women are equal, and so is "eye for an eye". My cause is just. I endured fearing I was married to a pedophile and working when she wouldn't. I was and still am willing to make our marriage work. I am the one who has been betrayed and mistreated, lied about and backstabbed, yet I want nothing more than for Jackie and I to be healed and brought back together.

I'd be glad if you are reading it, because I have a quandry, a question for you to answer. When I brought it to your attention on facebook, you went about acting all offended and such - so perhaps I'm willing to believe you're honest, but if so that makes your sister a liar. Jackie told me that when you two were teenagers that you sexually violated her. Is that true? She also said that she didn't teach the children she was nannying to play with each other sexually in the bathtub. Is that true? If she's a liar, then she's a pedophile. If she's honest, then you're a rapist Matthew. Or is it that selective honesty was used? Did Jackie lie about you and tell me the truth about herself? What the heck is it? You think I'm insane for acting afraid of children when I married into this situation? How dare you, not me.



I'm not the one who did the betraying. I've been totally honest with her about everything. I asked her for permission to have a break from work after working almost every single stinking day in a row to pay for her lawyer. She worked some days, then continually got fired for smelling due to not showering. She spent my money on thousands of dollars of My Little Pony merchandise, in addition to the $2,500 for her lawyer and $300 for her anger management. I put up with temper tantrums, having stuff thrown at me, her doing almost no cooking and no cleaning, her spending Valentine's Day with other people this year, etc. I am still willing to honor my vows and I am a man of my word. She went to babysit for you, she never followed Matthew 18:15-17, and then went quiet after one last accusatory letter the day afterward. I've put up with far more than she has, and yet I am willing to honor my commitment regardless. I'm not the one who needs to repent. I'm the one who has been betrayed, but I'm the one who's willing to make this work.

Once she's returned, I'll be that provider again - but there is nothing nearby for work. I literally have no way to do anything for work right now. I know once your sister is back though, I'll find work the same day - just like how it was when she was first fired from Kid's Dominion and I got hired by Walgreen's the exact same day, or like how your sister's two jobs didn't allow for me to work at Walgreen's anymore - but God provided work that lasted for two years right then on that same day. Of all the faults I can repent from, I have. Now it's your sister's turn. Once she's back, we will be blessed again.

Thanks. What's actually most difficult is her being so nice before she abandoned me and saying, the day she went to "babysit" for her brother, that she'd never leave me for anything. All her cute songs run through my mind, all the ways she was good before 2013, and it hurts and wont stop hurtng while I'm alive until she returns. I can't marry anyone else, Biblically to do so is adultery, and Jackie is the only one for me anyway. Either she returns or I set her free, but I have done nothing to deserve this and I still love my Jackie and will not to give up on her or living.

I'm not the brother in this case. Though I am a brother and I've been through a lot, just not this one. That's some pretty deep stuff. I'm not a part of it, and I've no idea about any of it. I've just been able to infer a bit about it and that is where I am coming from. I'm sorry if I came across a little strong. I haven't been in the forums long enough to really understand the whole situation (I never saw those offending posts, for instance.) Mostly I'm just concerned about you, I've been following your story since I joined the forums and when you started taking about taking your own life in no uncertain terms, I felt like I had to say something. All I know is that the only perfect person who lived was Jesus Christ, no one else is sinless, and yet he suffered for all of it. Whatever you have, he is willing to take. What about that covenant? Didn't you make a promise to Jesus to do the best you could with your life? I know we're all imperfect and his mercy is beyond comprehension, but it seems to me that willfully killing yourself might be slightly less than He was hoping for. Isn't Jesus something to live for? I wish you the best and I hope you are able to resolve this.
Good luck and stay safe.

I've accepted Jesus as my Savior and Lord and try to be like King David, to bea man after God's heart seeking to do whatever is right in God's sight always. No, suicide is not honorable, but Jackie threatened her brother with it, either for real - meaning she really hated me that much- or not real -as a way to escape having to work perhaps after a two year break at my expense. I don't want to die, but I have impossible circumstances and just want Jackie to come back home.