My screwed life

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Not only does the UK have this fetish with only helping people from 16-25, and apparently anyone beyond that is stuck forever in a limbo all alone... my fate had already kicked in two years ago, apparently... well, when my ex left me delineated it, but 'society'-wise... I've been screwed since then. Why?

Well, besides being unable to progress to a uni since this damn 'town' I live in has none, apparently I'm banned from both colleges due to varying injustices (not that I need anything else from either of them, since I had already completed an 'Access course', which can only proceed to a degree, which is geographically impossible for me, not to mention that I have zero support)... also banned from an LGBT group, nominally due to age, but they really couldn't handle my AS, apparently, and said that if they knew that beforehand they would have hesitated to allow me there for a month before kicking me out (nominally due to having a frank discussion with someone I liked, but despite him being the instigator of most topics they allowed him to remain)... how's that for discrimination? And this sauna place, for some bizarre reason which just yesterday I found out was due to some gossiping by other customers which somehow they couldn't specify the reasons of due to 'privacy' reasons... and yet I'm supposed to reflect on my personality, when they could only specify one isolated incident which happened when there were barely any customers. Now this sauna wasn't the most exciting place, but it could help when I'm completely alone, like in these miserable summers.

And that gets me to loneliness, of course... the next three weeks I'm apparently not even going to speak to a single person, due to my only friend going abroad... and that gets me to this other topic - which I'm still prepared to fight, as a single person who's supposed to help people exactly up to 25 holding a grudge against me for his entire life due to a single incident is just unfair, I think. And, as such, I've already tried to contact the CEO of the trust that employs him, and won't stop until I either get on this course which seemed to just breathe life into my ex, when it comes exactly to loneliness, or he loses his job, as being selective with who he helps just shouldn't be done when one organization holds a monopoly of this programme in a single, ret*d town! Apparently, Bristol has *three* different organizations... too bad it's an hour away.

Anyway, overall I think I can conclude that my life is now screwed, and has been for two years now since being banned from anything remotely interesting in this ret*d pub-filled town, and I'm currently just faced with an eternity of loneliness. So, really, why do I keep living? Anime is pretty impressive, even alone, but at this rate I'll just remain doing what I did the last year for more decades in the future... loneliness, though, is eating away at my core... and if I remain trapped in this town for decades to come then I'm just going to question the sanity of continued living...

Loneliness ain't so bad; its fighting it that creates problems.

This last 2 or 3 yrs is my most alone ever, and I'm slowly adapting.

Better to be lonely alone, than lonely in company.

Except... your age. If the last three years were the worst in your entire life... I've practically already spent seven, out of 25, which is more than 1/5 of my entire life, completely alone. If I have to spend decades now I suspect I'll become ever more odd. I don't try to fight it mostly, but when I feel depressed and think about all the negative points in my life ever, it's inevitable.

I reached the point in my mid-20's where things got so bad that I was finally motivated to try and make something happen for myself and take a few risks. Hitting rock bottom and feeling that there's absolutely no reason to carry on can be a necessary part of a process that leads to better times ahead.