Feel like nothing ever goes to plan

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Hey guys,

Ive definitely not posted on here in a long time. My life sort of decided to grow and I ended up at university doing a degree. Well.. that was around 3 years ago now and I've just recently graduated/finished my course.

I'm posting here really for advice or moral support. Perhaps there are people out there in the same position/have been in a similar position to me/supported someone in the same position as me.

Right.. difficult to know where to start really. I got into a relationship with a girl I met at university in the past year and at first things were going amazing well for us, but then her mother decided that she didnt like me all of a sudden. It then quickly turned into her dad not liking me too, and when I found out the cause I was shocked because I'd always been nice with them both and had always treated their daughter right too. The father had said basically that he wanted her to leave me because I was autistic, lazy, would never find a job, was a council/social house loser (I dont even live in a council house.. not that it matters anyway). I was gutted by it all considering my girlfriend and I both thought it was going so well. Anyway... after a lot of struggling and mental health problems later.. I've finally come to terms with their toxicity as parents and as potential "in-laws" too, but it nearly cost me my entire degree because they were stressing us both out to the max constantly.

So.. everytime my girlfriend and I make plans, they always seem to go wrong for us. It doesnt really matter what the plans are.. they just seem to want to find a way to not happen. For example, we were planning a holiday this christmas together (our first ever holiday abroad together) and its turned out that we cant go now because of an issue we have with travelling. It just seems like problems keep coming and dont seem to let up.

I also have the issue of not being able to get a job after my degree now either. My degree was in Landscape Architecture/Management but Ive looked through pages of jobs and they're all unaccessible to me due to location and experience needed.

Ahh.. feel so lonely

I'm sorry things aren't going according to plan.

I would keep the young woman on the back burner. Maybe she'll become more independent of her parents, and start to like you more.

In the meantime, there are other fish in the sea for you to seek.

As for the job, how far away are some of these positions? Do you drive? Let me emphasize: I'm not saying you're lazy at all. But, if you drive, maybe you could commute a little more at the beginning, so you could gain experience.

Or maybe get a job in a related, but not precisely, the same field. Maybe a clerk in an architectural firm? You could become a clerk, and show them how much you know architecture.

Before people become lawyers/barristers, they might become legal clerks or paralegals--then show the law firm how proficient they are in the law.

Thank you for your reply. Its lifted me slightly.. I feel a little easier when I hear someone's good advice.

I think I'll have a look around at different firms and maybe email a bunch of them even if they aren't hiring to see if they have any space at all for a guy like me. It's not exactly the dream you come to university with.. but maybe one which is realistic and more often than not.. common nowadays.

Thank you again

You would have done great in New York--especially if you went to Cooper Union (an elite, free university specializing in architecture).

Yeah....I wish you could get your heart's desire--but sometimes, the only way to get, is to take a somewhat circuitous route; irritating, yes!

But that's the way life is for us Plebeians!

Hey Rocker_C.

Congrats on graduating! That's a big accomplishment

It's good that you've recognized this as it may be an uphill battle with the parents; even if you were to find a job and have a stable/decent life, it's possible that they may constantly try to find an issue with you. I don't know...I'm just speculating here, but maybe they're overly protective and don't believe that anyone is good enough for her.



In case no one has mentioned this to you before, I would suggest you that show up in person with your resume and briefly introduce yourself. Often times, supervisors and managers get emails and telephone calls from prospective applicants, and they just ignore them or say they're busy. However, when you introduce yourself in person, they're able to attach a face and brief conversation to your resume. This may work well if you want to work in a small firm. Out of curiosity, are you willing to work as an unpaid intern? Because this will help you get the experience you want to apply for paid jobs.

Thank you both for the replies.

It's definitely a struggle in the UK here. It's so stupid right now because its such a small place that graduates are in a horrendous position. Most graduates nowadays are going into positions where they literally are so overqualified it's not fair. I know of at least one girl who graduated a year ago with the same degree as I have.. she had to get a job as a cleaner and she graduated with a 1st class degree (equivalent to a GPA of 4.0). Im in a very similar position and am due for the same grade, and to see such talent and sculpted mind going to waste is a shambles.

Paid/unpaid internships are too incredibly difficult to get. I called around every firm to get unpaid work experience this past few months and they all said no or took my CV and didnt get back to me. I think with me taking a gap year away, Im going to try to focus on getting work experience somehow which might add some sort of value somewhere.. I dont know anymore. I feel really lost.

Its sort of frustrating.. I have some pretty good work experience on my CV. Gold medal winning design projects with clients at national shows, working on large scale commercial design projects. It's silly that something like that isnt looked at favourably.

Were you able to establish relationships with your professors--of a sort of student-professional nature?

Yes.. I managed to bond very well with all of my teaching staff. The campus is being fitted with a very large computer controlled greenhouse system, and through my studies, I've been able to basically demonstrate that I was good with computers and computer aided design. While I was taking my viva voce examination the past week, my head lecturer invited me to train all of the staff on how to operate the computer system which regulates the greenhouse. I mean.. It's a very exciting and fortunate position to be given such an opportunity, perhaps I need to see it as an activity I can add to my CV too.

Yeah...I think so, too!

Don't these professors know people who work in the field? Maybe they could put in a good word for you with those folks?

Similar to kraftiekortie's advice on reaching out to your professors, have you tried contacting the companies/sponsors that participated in your projects? Maybe targeting those companies will enhance your chances of getting an interview as they're more aware of the significance of the awards you've received. Also, while you were creating these projects, were any of the company reps involved in the process? Like providing feedback, ideas, and such before your final presentation? If so, then maybe you can reach out to them, refresh their memory of who you are, and let them know that you've recently graduated and you're looking for a job. Good luck in your job search!

Thanks for the replies again.

I'm feeling a little helpless again today sadly. I just cant help but see the job situation with the economy and freak out a lot. I trained in horticulture and it really does make me feel passionate, but it's really difficult to land any work.

Is it wrong for me to be valuing my skills too much? I think one of the bad things about any real course is that it doesn't really teach you how to assess your value in the industry you want to enter. For example, many would consider me an expert in CAD (computer aided design) and IT systems, yet I don't really have any qualifications to back that up with as such. If I was to approach an employer for a job of this nature I'd most likely be rejected without them giving me a chance because I don't have a formal background in it. Computers are where I'm good at, but nature and bringing food to the table from the field is where my passion lays. Perhaps I just need to approach people as you have already suggested and see if they know anyone or if anyone can give me any direction. I did once approach a lecturer of mine and she suggested that I ask for a research position down at the Eden Project in Cornwall which is a very large plant/climate biome. I approached them and they basically didnt get back to me over it (rejected).

Its been a very similar story all along when I approach firms for work experience/internships/jobs and I think its got me feeling low and down on my luck. It almost feels like Im not worth anything and Im just waiting for something to come into my life and give me a chance to be successful and hardworking. It comes back to why I started the thread really.. I feel like Ive tried many directions and always seem to come undone with whatever I do. Ive had some success and movement, and Im very critical of myself and have a perfectionist attitude but I think its deeper than just me being hard on myself.. it always seems to happen and I dont have a clue why it does. Its like people or events seem to derail me at a critical moment and I end up becoming depressed and feeling worthless for a good while afterwards. I make sensible plans and think them through, but they rarely go the way I've planned them out.

Imagine if you were hired in an architectural firm as a clerk. Then imagine the computer breaking down, and the help desk having no idea about what to do......then YOU step in to fix the problem, thereby providing you with positive exposure.

THEN, they'll know your true worth....and promote you accordingly.

I've actually seen this sort of thing happen. It's not some pipe dream.

Use your professors as a resource.....at a minimum as references. Maybe find some architecture horticultural situation on LinkedIn.

It's not hopeless. You might be skilled enough to emigrate to Canada if all else fails.