Suicide

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The autopsy report on my friend who passed away during an off-trail hike in late May was finally released. She was found partially submerged in a stream -- cause of death, hypothermia. But the most shocking finding was that she had a toxic level on Benadryl in her system.

She suffered from depression, like myself. She even told me she had a bout with suicidal thoughts when we were last together. I wish I could have done more. This news is not settling very well.

I'm sorry to hear that.

RIP.

Thank you, Catlover5. It wasn't a total shock to me, but I really didn't want to believe it she took her own life.

Could it have been an accidental overdose?

Aw nasty

Suicide is never an easy thing to stomach, sorry for your loss

I think an accidental overdose is very unlikely. One possible scenario floated by one her friends suggested that maybe she got caught up in a flash flood, and got washed downstream. That could make sense given how she was found. Perhaps she took the Benadryl as a way to bring the end sooner if she figured there was little hope.

Yes, suicide is hard to process. It may be easier, to some degree, for me since I understand the nature of depression. Thank you for your thoughtful words Feyokien and traven.

I am sorry to read this update VegetableMan. I imagine there are many kinds of 'ifs' for you to process, and possibly guilt for not doing those 'ifs', I think that is a natural response to loosing someone through suicide. The information from autopsy reports can complicate the grieving process, almost re setting back to the first few weeks or extending it in ways.

Have you been able to go hiking again? Or taken breaks from your caregiver role to resource yourself?

I hope you dont think I was trivializing what happened. I knew somebody who took an excessive amount of medication, perhaps by accident, and did not live.

Amity, I hike as much as I can. In a little over a week, I'll be attending a memorial hike and picnic in my friend's honor. It's going to be a very emotional experience, but a necessary one for closure.

Kraftiekortee, no I didn't think you were trivializing the incident at all.

I spent four days once wondering if I'd receive the same news about a good friend I used to night hike with. He eventually put it behind him but I think the lesson to me was probably the same; some of us who find ourselves drawn to such places have more toughness than we know what to do with. In any case, your friend elected to face all this singlehandedly, which I believe should be applauded, even if we're reluctant to view anyone in this context.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

I am sorry to hear about the loss of your friend, and I certainly hope that it was not a death by suicide.
I do hope that you will not be offended by what I am about to say next. I only hope that it will help you and others concerning the comprehension of suicide.
I have been suicidal many years ago. Rather, I was insane and suicidal. I do not know how I survived this ordeal, nor afterward, for I then became schizophrenic. All that I do know is that I had no one to turn to. Nobody would truly understand. And I highly doubted that my family would have cared. I don't think that they would have believed me, as I am a good faker of what goes on inside. Besides, they were part of the problem. I feel that many people who commit suicide feel the same way. Plus, it can be embarrassing. Openly admitting that one is suicidal may be, to the victim, a statement of weakness or personal failure. It is bad enough that their self esteem is almost nonexistent.
Yes, there are hotlines. . . but do they work? Does anything work? I feel that those who are suicidal will never reach out because the rest of the world scoffs at them. All I know is that these people are victims of a terrible demon, and that we must respect them for the pain that they are going through (I'd like to see the haters try to bear it) and that we must never judge them for their decision made.

The Clown

I'm very and you have my condolences OP. Just got back to this site and couldn't help but be reminded after reading this and the responses. It brings me back to my darkest times. There is little you can do when you're in that moment of weakness. I remember taking large quantities of Benadryl and only my family can remember what I did. The last thing I remember was waking up in a hospital with a stab wound. Benadryl and substances like alcohol can increase the impulse to act on a fragile state. Regardless you have my deepest sympathies.

Hi VegetableMan, I am sorry you lost your friend and now have the absence in your life.

I don't think this news should be greeted with sadness, though. I think what she did was brave. She went out on her own terms and didn't trouble anybody else. She sounds like she was a very strong person.
Death is something that comes to everyone. How we deal with it is our own business.

She was definitely a very tough and strong person -- but the last year she had suffered so many personal losses. It's funny, thinking back to when we first met, her personality wasn't what I was expecting. She was very sweet, somewhat awkward -- almost timid. But she was so well respected in the off-trail hiking community and explored places few had gone.

Ann, I agree with you to large extent. However, she did trouble others by her actions, as much as I hate to say it. The park service, along with her friends, launched a search for car, then for her. Lots of resources were expended. One of the reasons I didn't want to believe she would take her own life was the fact that she had always been a caring, responsible individual. But I do understand how a person can get so beaten down that they totally disconnect, and other people are no longer a concern.