I couldn't handle the classroom. What should I do?

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I'm at college studying a course I really like. I couldn't take being in the classroom though so I left. I've told the staff I have ASD but I said I don't need support because then I was doing very well but today I'm not. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. I have to go to class to learn the info I need and in aiming for top grade. I don't want to undo everything I've been working hard for. At another college, in the past I got kicked out a few times.

What do you find so hard about being in the classroom?

You can change your mind about needing support. Sometimes things turn out more stressful than we imagined. I think if you communicate with the staff, you have a better chance of your needs being met.

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. I know how hard it can be to get help. Don't give up.

How many classes have you missed? If it's only one, it's not a big deal. Just go the rest of your classes.

Also: if accommodations are available, I'd take advantage of them.

Would it be possible to get recordings of the lectures? This gets you almost all the information without having to physically visit the class

In the end I went to learning support. I was thinking to go away but I really really want to do the course so thought I'd just ask for help.

I'm not sure what the problem was. I got very anxious but I don't know why. . The class started later than it was meant to. I like all the people in my class. Usually if im feeling anxious its during break or if there is nothing set to do. I wasn't acting my best like usual and I felt vulnerable like that; I think that's why I couldn't stay. Also maybe because I got bullied at school and the classroom is a similar setting.

Im going to meet with a support staff member some lunch times a week. I went to my second lesson and everyone was nice to me and smiled so I don't think I should worry that people will think bad of me now. I feel kinda ashamed though. All the other students can stay in class without panicking.

Please, Starfox, please don't drop out of college. You can do it!

I can get some things online but most of my course is practical so ideally I should attend. Also I want to go to practice being around people more and I can only improve if I go. Since we're all doing the same subject we all have similar interests and that's good.

It is a good idea though if there are times when I'm struggling more. Thank you.

I won't! I never give up. I think I've improved a lot socially and I've worked very hard to be where I am now. I won't give that up.

You're on the right track. You know what adjustments and accommodations you should make for yourself.

I think you'll be fine. You'll have your "moments." But you will overcome them.

I'm at college again and I feel like everyone is my enemy even though they aren't doing anything accept just be around.

On what basis do you believe everyone's your enemy?

I don't trust them.

I feel okay once I start lessons and the people in my classroom are okay but I have to act extroverted because if I don't they could all turn on me and I'd get attacked.

If you acted introverted, I don't think anybody would attack you. They might ignore you, though.

Hmm no that's not so. People will think they can pick on me

That's in high school. You're in college now. They might pick on you if you're foolish when extroverted.

Starfox, I am going thru the exact same thing right now having just started school again 5 years after my last attempt. It has given me an unbelievable amount of anxiety but I have done everything in my power to get the right supports to even try to attempt this, it has been a struggle and I've teetered on the edge as well. I skipped the one of first classes because I was late and drenched in sweat because I had to run in this god forsaken hellhole of a desert, I am way too self conscious to walk in and interrupt class looking like that. Missing the first class gave me an entire different set of anxiety, it's a never ending cycle almost. It's all almost unexplainable stupid stuff I that I am embarrassed to even talk about, I hate myself for panicking and not being to do things everyone else could since childhood.

I submitted to medication, it is something I resisted for a long long time and they finally gave me benzo(klonopin) for anxiety and wellbutrin for depression. Klonopin is a really subtle drug that comes on slow, you might not notice it much right away but over time you start noticing changes in how you react to things and I kind of just notice myself just not feeling or caring about anything which for my neuroticism is pretty freeing since I worry about everything all the time. Wellbutrin doesn't really do anything for my depression, honestly I think I probably feel worse but I think that is because while temporarily freed from my almost all encompassing anxiety my brain's next move is just crippling depression but wellbutrin does give me a lot of energy and gets me up and moving, I think it has helped my concentration. Added bonus is that I've dropped like 10-15 lbs in a month since taking it, I am move active I guess going to school but I think it is more that it kills my appetite. Whatever tho, wanted to drop a couple anyways which will make me feel better about myself. Maybe in a round about way it works? I dunno. I don't think I would of been to get to this point without the medication, I think I probably would of quit by now as I've almost have anyways.

Grade school stuff, everybody seems to know and enjoy each others company but when I speak I feel like I am interrupting, the record scratches. I can't small talk, I don't even know how and I am just fearful of exposing myself and being scorned irrational as I know it is. Where I sit is so important to me and it causes me so much anxiety, its just dumb on my part. What it really comes down to for me at least I think is that I don't really like myself and struggle with self esteem to extent that I feel like I constant judged and looked down on in an infinite amount negative connotation. There also comes this very isolating depressing feeling for me just seeing it visually seeing all these happy people with friends, relationships, goals, life experiences, whereas I am basically some weird freak hermit.

Maybe its the potential for change or rejection in the environment that is creating a new anxiety in me, I also have this desperation in me since I'm not that young anymore and to quit now would be a death sentence to any chance of a normal functioning life which I don't even know if I am capable of doing anythings. There are no alternatives, I am lucky to have parents who are willing and able to support to me but without them I don't know what would happen. I think I could end up homeless or worse. Everyone tells me that I put too much pressure on myself and that nobody demands these things out of me, that I have other options if this can't work but I just can't let go that easily. It would destroy me to fail at this, it would be evidence in my mind that I am defective person none of troubles have anything to actually do with the material and my early grades are great so far.

So my advice is to maybe try medication if you aren't already, I self medicate as well... which I think helps certainly more than any of the assorted poison psych meds. I'm just taking it one day at time, after the semester is over I can reevaluate things and pull the rip cord if I have to but I could live with myself if I could finish this. Hang in there, finish the classes you started and I think you will feel proud that you did. Maybe things will get better as they go on. That's what they tell me at least...

There are other options, this is not the end, the world will go on for us either way. What I really want more than is just want tranquility in my mind and to happy with my life, I could care less about material possessions or meeting the expectations of society if I could find some personal happiness but I think I heard it said somewhere once that happiness is only real when shared I do think is a lot of truth in that. Maybe some people are self starters that way and can find some sort of purpose in what they do but I don't think I'm all that smart and I'm don't think I have any special skills that I can seek fulfillment with on my own.

Good luck, stay strong, just remember we're always our own worst enemy and all those anxieties we have about other people rarely even crosses their radar and even if does they don't have the right to discriminate or cast hate upon you. **** those a**holes, I wouldn't even want their approval if that's how they treat people who struggling that are different than them. There are good people out there, I like a lot of the older students particularly the veterans who are usually way more chill and more interested in getting the work done than the whole social aspect of school, they like me because I am willing to help them and respect my competency. Maybe they're just more accepting, I don't know how that will continue the more they interact with me but I guess at least I tried.