Wanting to be alone, but it doesnt help?

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Does anyone know what that is like? To feel so far removed from other humans you just want to be alone, but when your alone, it doesnt make you feel any better?

This feeling has just been getting worse. I can't even make any friends among other aspies here, I think Im just too different and its kind of like if I don't fit in here, then I truly don't fit in anywhere.

So no one understands what that feels like? Or maybe Im just invisible.

Reminds me of depression?

I believe that most people have this experience on WP, I don't know if anyone is really meant to fit in here, not in the typical sense anyway.

Sometimes people need time to think about a response, don't see the post or just don't know what to say. I often found that replying to other threads in the Haven helped me to be more compassionate to myself when I was posting regularly about my own issues.

hi. you haven't been a member long. keep trying a bit longer. i bet you will find kindred spirits here.

I know what it's like to feel like I don't fit in anywhere, but I still usually find being alone better than being with people.

I know that feeling well.

Being alone is lonely.

So you make up your mind to go looking for people. You find some.

And then you're terrified of getting rejected again, and exhausted from trying to put on the proper show to avoid rejection, and STILL lonely because the person who is in the company of these people isn't you. There's a difference between putting your best foot forward and being civil and treating others with respect and NOT BEING YOURSELF.

Which is, to be frank, even worse than being lonely. It's like being agonizingly reminded of the fact that you are so damn alien that you will ALWAYS be lonely, that there is no one with whom you can connect.

I think that, other than a handful of brief instances that will be engraved on memory forever, that condition is just the normal part and parcel of Life On the Spectrum.

Or maybe The Human Condition, and it's just more common and more pronounced for us. Like, "normal" people have relatively short spells of feeling that way, while enjoying some sense of belonging the majority of the time; OTOH, our kind have relatively short spells of enjoying some sense of belonging, while feeling completely cut off, alone, isolated, and lonely most of the time.

I haven't found a remedy for that. I try to remember that I'm "getting the same connectedness" that other people get, and through no fault of anyone's I'm just not able to benefit from it the way that others do. That way at least I don't get mad at or blame them (or myself) for what none of us can help or control. Autism=lonely, even when not alone.

I read a lot of books. Lots and lots and lots of books.

Try to help people when I can.

Talk to [God] a lot. Regardless of who created whom, it helps. For me.

I hang out with my kids. Other than parent/child love, I don't EXPECT to feel a deep emotional or philosophical bond with the next generation, so I don't miss it. I don't know if they do or not. They do not appear to feel unloved, unsupported, or unaccepted to anyone I know.

I walk a lot. Think about humans as a whole. It is easier for me to feel connected to an abstract philosophical construct like Humanity than to feel truly close to any actual individual human being, living or dead.

If it helps any, I don't think it's something that you're doing wrong that causes it. I think it's just a thing that is, like freckles or congenital blindness or being left-handed.

I can't even do that anymore. I used to. I'm just as alienated from modern writing as I am from people in general. Getting older and rarer novels from the library became increasingly difficult, and getting them elsewhere is currently unaffordable.

I know what you mean, I feel so alienated from everything. Modern writing, modern media, modern people.

I'm kind of at my wits end, unable to find solace anywhere. This place is the closest, because a lot of what people write here, it's like I wrote it because I'm going through the same things.

I just wish it wasn't so difficult to find someone to have enough common ground with to form a friendship.

Something which is quite comfortable and relaxing for me is "being alone together".
this means that you are with some (a handful) of others in the same room, but just doing your own thing (reading, browsing the internet, gaming,...)
This is what gives me the most social comfort, to my knowledge. I don't need social interaction, but i need to know that i "can" have it, if i want to.

Yeah...I think that way sometimes.

The best thing to do is to take walks, go to movies. You're alone--but you're within the outer world.

feel really inhuman. I'm boring, and lack the ability to hold the conversation. I find myself wanting to scream at myself because of this. I hate the fact that we ARE social beings. Tbh, living life on my own, I find the need for it to be almost useless. only time I talk to others outside my family is when I'm at a store talking to a clerk, playing games online, and maybe some random student at my school that just comes and goes.

Hey Riker.

You should explore the old writers. To me, some of them were the greatest of all time.

You should read Dostoyevsky, William Blake, folks like that.