Finding the best fit

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This is going to be an unanswerable question, because there are so many factors involved that no one is likely to have the answer. This question is meant to be something other than the obvious ask/answer type of post. I’m attempting to crowd source possible ideas. Here is my concern that I need help with, but am not comfortable asking people I know:

I have had many focused obsessions in the past. The first I can remember was collecting Green Giant logos from food packaging. In the last few years my focus has been college courses in science. I began with a biology concentration. It transitioned into an evolution focus, which expanded to include geology and anthropology/archaeology. After finishing 2 BS degrees, I traded my focus to computer science. That was very disappointing, because the school’s CS department was not very good. That should be expected due to the fact teaching computer science is much different than understanding computer science. The people who understand CS are not good communicators, and are lazy. I realized that after the first 2 semesters it would be best if I learned it on my own. Even though I thought this, I was not sure if it was my fault or theirs.

Most of my questions were not about the sub-subjects of CS; my confusion was about their requirements, formats, and the way they explained things out loud different than the textbooks and notes. I was also not comfortable with the group projects. No one likes me, so I ended up doing a lot of the group work on my own. My work did not match the work that others did in tone or volume. They did not know how to condense my research, so decided not to use anything I contributed, or in one instance everything I did was used and they did nothing – taking credit for my work. I’m not allowed to say anything about it because team players are not supposed to do that. There is no one to say anything to anyway, because no one cares.

The conflicts with people got in the way of my learning CS. I learned quite a bit, but have left the academic environment to study it on my own. I’m understanding that I do not belong in the United States. I have done some research, and hypothesize that Germany may be a better fit for me. After learning that, I started learning the German language and preparing to visit Germany this year.

With that background, here is my concern. How much of my interest in Germany is relevant and how much is just the Asperger-obsession trait that makes me curious? I do want to make the processes of my life work better. I clearly do not fit in anywhere in the United States. Does anyone believe moving to Germany will be helpful or harmful? I do not have friends or family that would make me stay here. I am in my 30’s now and am not interested in the American Dream of kids and a house with a white picket fence. I don’t really like fences. I prefer stone walls.

I have lived in West Germany, and it's a much more formal culture, it was not just language that created challenges for me in adjusting to life there. If you don't speak fluent German, and don't have any links there, you need to think carefully about how to create some links first.

It was the most challenging country for me to adjust to, out of the countries I have lived in other than my own (England, Australia, USA, Germany). However I did not have even elementary German when I arrived, so that was a big barrier for me amongst other things.

Are you suggesting, B19, if I learn general German, then I will get along fine? I am doing many thing to prepare; the first is to learn basic German and study the European maps. I read they are knowlegable in geography. I enjoyed it in 3rd grade, but had a very mean teacher - this was a hinderance. My family was not interested in anything acedemc - this was also a hinderance. My college courses did not incude an in-depth geography class; cultural geography was taught by a lazy professor online. Some of my questions can not easily be plugged into an internet search engine. I like reading and listening together to learn from experts, although not at the same time. I am going to find out if there are vacation schools for adults in Germany. I believe I would like that idea.

It would be a tremendous help. I was told the myth that "Germans speak English" and very few did!

I was luckier than most as I lived in Bonn, which was the capital of West Germany at the time (since moved back to Berlin, after reunification) - so at least I had the New Zealand consulate staff to visit and get assistance from when I needed to arrange something beyond my primitive language skills. The university was also helpful putting me in touch with English speaking residents who were non-citizens.

However most of the time I had to fend for myself and not being fluent in even basic German made life very challenging, let alone the culture shock. So I would tend to suggest that you aim for Berlin, so you will have back up consular assistance should you need it in the early stages. It's an amazing city, but very expensive and unemployment - even amongst the hard working locals - is climbing, so if you can arrange a job before you go, all the better...

Thank you for the useful information, B19. I was looking more at the southeast to start, and travel around clockwise. I want to sample all the territories before deciding on one area of focus. Then I will go back to where I live now and make further plans based on my experiances. I will see if I can arrange to work for 1-2 weeks in each place. Maybe they have volenteer work programs. I want to integrate slowly. Perhaps spend 1 month in the place I fit the best, and 2 weeks back here. I think I have saved up enough to do this 3 times. If by the 3rd try I am not fully committed, then I must rethink my options.

The other thing I would strongly suggest is to make many photocopies of your passport and take these with you, put them all over the place, hidden in your personal effects, a copy to keep in your pocket, maybe lodge a copy with the Embassy there just in case of theft etc.

I did meet a very desperate American in Berlin - an airline steward - who had lost his passport and the American Consulate was very suspicious of him and not immediately helpful - so he was stranded for at least 10 days while they verified his details... I think his loss was genuine but he was suspected by his own embassy of selling it for $10,000.... and he was in limbo. So it pays to take every precaution you can, I think.

Loss of passport is a great inside tip. I have only begun to seriously plan for about a week so far. There are so many things to do. I must not get overwhelmed. It needs to be handled carefully, but there has never been a time when something as large as this did not have at least one thing that went wrong. I try to plan, but one person can not think of all possibilities. This is why I brought this question here to help me sort out possible problems. Thank you for sharing your experiances with me B19.

I have found that there are many volunteer projects that suit my abilities across Germany. The difficult part is they are quite expensive, due to the lodgings and meals are included. I emailed one company that coordinates one 7or14 day project to ask if they had customizable rates for RV traveler volunteers.

I would say do it! I admire your big picture thinking. Despite the sometimes scary times I have had, during my expatriate adventures, the gains far outweighed the negatives a thousandfold.

My planning approach has many small details. Some details came from reading and others came from YouTube. The only detail I can take credit for is the RV idea. I got that idea when I studied archaeology. I pondered living in one and traveling around the United States. The problems that prevented me from doing that were mostly due to the social nature of the American RV culture. They don't respect solitude, and I don't do well with uninvited guests.

An Update -- 8 months have passed:

I am nearly finished with A1 level German. I was worried during the first few weeks that I may not be capable of learning German (well enough to navigate by myself), but my diligence has brought success. I am happy with the progress I have made.

There is a problem. A couple days ago I was directed to read 'Safety Skills for Asperger Women' by Liane Willey. I am 89% finished, and the book has made me too scared to travel. I am still committed to visiting Germany, but I will need to talk myself back into after reading all the things that could go wrong. I knew about most of those things, but was building a protective cloud of denial around my mind and purposely trying not to imagine the worst. If I start imagining what 'could' happen, nothing but bad things will come to my mind, and I will never get to go. Her words made my protective cloud disappear, and the worries I have been refusing to acknowledge are front and center.

I'm glad the trip isn't for several months. I have time to figure out how to overcome my fears. I know I will be miserable for the first several days when I get there (and likely a week before I even leave my house) -- uh, I am so not a traveler. I never have been. This is something I really need to do, because if I don't I can't see a future for myself at all. I have to keep moving forward with my plans or my life comes to a permanent halt.

No one needs to give advice. I am just sharing. I committed to 100 posts when I joined a few years ago. I didn't know it was going to take me so long to post that many. I'm not comfortable sharing personal things, nor am I good at it. I do always try my best -- though, I found out how long winded I can be. I would never be able to say any of these things out loud to anyone. If you made it this far, thanks for reading.

Congratulations on your language learning achievement, well done you

Thank you B19, that s very nice of you to say. Your name reminds me of the game BINGO.