How do you not focus on the past?

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Outside of unemployment my family believes since I got overpayment on SSI payments about $22,000 worth I'll have to pay that back if I got a job. We are fighting disability with a lawyer 2+ years from now! BUT If I get a job that = $6,000 owing them. BUT I DON'T WANT TO WAIT 2+ YEARS!

I feel awful. Not sure how NOT to focus on the past. 2006-2012 on disability outside of your Bachelors Criminal Justice you could have done section 8 housing! An Employment agency to get help being hired. I decided quit that "focus on your degree" SO MUCH THAT DID PAPER ON MY WALL THAT MEANS NOTHING!

Now! Without the disability I have no disability bus that comes to the house and need to walk 1/2 mile to the bus stop (bad knee SUPER BUSY neighborhood road!) But as people say "You do what you have to."

Degree on my wall and nothing to show for it.

I'M VERY NOT SOCIAL as in barely socialized with professors or anything didn't do internships 2012-April 2015 (Did college 4 years 2010-2012 AA 2012-2014 Bachelors) since that may = "looking for a job"

But again NOW! You don't have the college backing or professor backing for support just a piece of paper on your wall!! !!

It's hard not to focus on I could have gotten help and now I'm stuck! 29 going on 30 can't make a life for myself or DO ANYTHING even WITH a small job IF I had to pay back all that money. YES sort of late in life but 29 going on 30 how about a job? Apartment? learning to drive? a vehicle? But OMG! a part-time job wouldn't pay for any of that!

and the pay back $22,000 is IMPOSSIBLE!! !!

How NOT to focus on what could have been is very hard.

Should have thought of all this 18 going on 20 ON disability trying to get help so WHEN I got off of it I had a small job and had the social help I needed therapies etc. etc.

I like you. I hope you like me.

I believe the best way to not focus on the past is to focus on the future. Think of the past as a clean slate. I think that's the best approach.

I think I understand what you're feeling here. It's very tempting to lose yourself by obsessing about what could have been. It might help to simply accept that you did the best you could with what you had. You can spend the future thinking about the past or you can accept the past and live in the present. I usually engage in this kind of thinking to attack myself. It never motivates me, it just makes me feel worse about myself and the present.

It might also be helpful to accept that some problems don't have solutions. It's very tempting to think that if we try hard enough we can do anything. But that's not true. That sounds a bit fatalistic but sometimes it's better to accept a situation than waste time, money and effort trying to fix something that can't be fixed.

Highly agree. If you find future goals to focus on, and break each goal up into small achievable steps, you will be too busy to focus on your past. The past memories and problems do flood back in focus, but as long as you remain motivated to accomplish set future goals, the longer you are able to keep making progress, and the easier it is to feel less stressed about the past. My life used to feel as if a tornado came through and splintered everything. Each time I tried to rebuild my life, something else would destroy my efforts.

I had a choice -- keep trying or give up. There were several paths along the 'keep trying' choice.

1. I could rebuild the same kind of life I had or rebuild something different -- that also has multiple options --
1a. rebuild same life in the same place (tried and failed)
1b. rebuild different life in the same place
1c. rebuild same life in a different place (tried, but not sustainable)
1d. rebuild different life in a different place.

I am now working on rebuilding a slightly different lifestyle in a very different place.

It keeps me very busy. It takes practice to stay motivated. It is important to fix any vitamin deficiencies, to have better health to tackle any life goals. If you don't feel well that is your first priority. Food for blood sugar, water for hydration, a multi-vitamin + extra B-Complex vitamin (essentials), and adequate rest. Those are all necessary points that will help you. Focus on your basic needs first, and then you can branch out to include other things.