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I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried jobs but keep quitting or getting fired, tried college and can not handle it, tried to get on social security and been denied, my bank account has ceased working recently. My car has broke down with a 400 dollar repair cost and I only get 200 a month in actual money from the state while half of it goes to rent for living out of a acquaintances parents house. My parents don't seem to see why i wanted to get on ssi and find me pathetic and just ask me when i'm going to get a job even after i've told them the way it's been affecting me and driving me to suicidal intentions but i was thrown out anyway. The only reason i'm still here is because i'm so forgetful of everything in my life. I use to do therapy sessions but eventually just gave up after seeing how no progress was being made and talking to people never solves my problems either way. I can't handle social situations anymore without becoming extremely tired within an hour and people who come over think i'm weird and so does the family i live with not wanting to be around people or go out other than being a driver or for shopping trips. It's not that i feel out of place i just want to be left alone without guilt. I don't feel secure at all emotionally and now money wise it's the same. Depression is getting worse and i just keep looping over and over again. When i get frustrated i physically harm myself and my parents threaten to take me to an institution which i don't even think i care anymore because it's better than feeling the way i do. I can never tell what people think so to me everyone is guilting or looking down on me and getting annoyed when i don't look at them and even if i know it's not true i continue to second guess over and over again even when i realize it i forget because my mind will just reset itself like always. I may as well go homeless and crazy and just be done with it because i'm an emotional mess because of my own thoughts and can't control my stress without passing out or sleeping 18 hours a day. I can't take meds because it makes me sleep too much and messes with my eating habits which have been awful my whole life with not feeding myself enough and being underweight. I get food stamps and i believe it is the only thing in my life that is secure at this point. I know it's a giant run on sentence of depression but i'm terrible at explaining anything and other than my spelling i'm terrible with writing anything too.

Sorry you're going through what you're going through.

Maybe one solution: Speak to a disability lawyer to see if he/she will take your case on contingency--meaning they will get part of your SSI back pay should you be accepted for SSI, but they won't charge a fee beforehand.

People almost always are rejected for SSI the first time around. Maybe, with the lawyer's help, you'll get accepted this time.

Once you get on SSI, they'll probably pay for college for you--so you could try that again, even if it's 2 classes a semester or something.

I don't see myself going into education ever again, and i have called one but i have no idea what to say or do. Th system set up for applying doesn't make sense to me .