Utterly alone in this filthy world

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I find myself utterly alone in this filthy world. My last intimate relationship fell apart because she spent so much time pretending to be like me, and I fell for it, that it eventually blew up in our faces when she turned out to be dishonest and my fear reaction took over. I now have no family, no friends, very few social skills, and certainly no confidence to go out and talk to the cro-magnons. The local autism support people have no services for anyone over the age of 25.

Now what? Any ideas?

Yes here's a suggestion. Take a shower, comb your hair, and go hang out at a local coffee shop or bar (if you can do a bar without drinking yourself silly). Take along a book or newspaper to read. At least you'll feel you are part of the human race.

If this works out OK the first day, repeat every day.

Actually, BeaArthur's suggestion is one that just doesn't work very well. It might stop me going gaga, but it makes me feel even more alienated when I see them with their friends doing social stuff. It's something I do to get out so I don't go completely crazy when stuck indoors, but it's not a solution. I'm sure women meet people in coffee shops, but I probably just come across as an annoying oddball.

Interests. I'm an Aspie, so yes. Turning that into work hasn't been very successful. The best I can think of involves finding a smallholding and settling down on it, but there is no way I have the confidence to do that alone.

I spent almost 3 years in a relationship being "gaslighted" (this is when a person convinces you that your perception of reality is inaccurate, and a fiction of their making is in fact the "true" reality). We lack the "spidey-sense" that humans do, and so we tend to believe what people tell us. That can lead to some really bad damage to our psyche, and a general distrust of the human race on the whole.

All I can tell you is this: I have found a relationship with a wonderful young woman, but the doubts continue to creep into my head, and the post-trauma pops up now and again. All the same, she tries to help me through it. Sometimes she doesn't know how, and it can get messy, but she does try. You can easily find someone who will "put in the effort" and "do the homework", but it takes time. Looking for it will not produce results (or it will produce bad ones). I know it is (universally and holistically) hard for us to do, but your only safe course of action is patience. Impatience has landed me in so many horrible and abusive (to me) relationships, that I eventually determined I would just never have a significant other. Once I let go of the search, it just happened.

Hope it helps. Wish I had a magic wand for you, but there is no panacea for love. Patience is the only thing I know of that doesn't produce negative results. Apart from that, maybe go do the things you like to do and you may meet someone with similar interests.

P.S.: for the purposes of this conversation: human=NT

Yeah, BeaArthur's suggestion is the kind of stuff that just makes me feel worse, as in "Look at all these people who actually belong here - unlike me."

When I do well it's because I've found small groups to join that I share an interest with. So we have something to interact around, without making social interaction the main focus.

Thanks, folks.

Unfortunately, my interests tend to be solitary pursuits and, like most of us, I don't have a lot of confidence in social situations. I've been looking for suitable groups locally and, if not drawn a complete blank, it doesn't look promising.

Avlien: yes, they feel like an alien species. I talk about "humans" in the third person as well. It's a bit difficult to be patient when you are totally alone, but I can see it's good advice. I think the humans hate anything different.

Your sig marks you are creative and into Science Fiction. Those can be solitary or small group related things.

Being alone means you can't get hurt.

There is a lot of truth to that, Smudge.

Equally, I'm not the kind of Aspie who is comfortable only in his own company. I need some level of human interaction or I go even more nuts. Also, like it or not, we live in a world full of humans who simply don't care about anyone else. That's not a good environment to be alone in.

I used to be very needy for human interaction. Because much of it stresses me now, and from being alone so much, I taught myself to like my own company and not be afraid of it. When I used to scream out of loneliness when I was little (I don't mean to sound dramatic, that's what I did) and I was just left to deal with it, that also swerved me into wanting to be alone, eventually. I've noticed it with my friend's dog, too. It used to want lots of attention but it kept being ignored. Now it greets you and then wants to be left alone.

I used to date a lot in order to get into a loving relationship of some kind. But in the end, I realised 99% of people out there are completely incompatible with me, aspies included. When I realised, it was kind of like I just got to accept it. As much as I'd like a relationship, I can't imagine living with someone else without it stressing me out to high heaven. I can't bear my belongings being touched.

And yes, do I realise we live in a world of horrible people. My neighbours drove me to the very edge. And people these days are out for what they can get. It's very sad.

Hey Smudge

Thanks for that.

The solution to this that I'm working on involves finding some way of setting up a permaculture smallholding and dropping out of their rotten society. I had someone to do it with, but that all collapsed recently - I lost the woman I loved, my only remaining friend and my hopes for the future in one aspie-panic driven argument.

The trouble is, I have realised that it's not something I can do alone, but I think it would be a great environment for many Aspies, particularly me.

I'm screaming with frustration and loneliness inside.

Of course, like you, 99.99% of women out there are utterly unsuited to even being friends.

Hi Niall,

I quite like that idea, not sure about raising animals though. I can't bear noise of any kind now, so living out in the middle of nowhere would be wonderful for me.

I've come to realise though, as hard as I've tried to be self-sufficient - I have failed miserably. I feel like I've lost. I feel lost. I feel like I'm out of control of my life, and it is quite painful. I live in sheltered accommodation now, I never thought I would ever need that. The fact is I just can't deal with life and other people. Whenever I have coped, it has always been with support. I am a nobody to most people. I can hear the resentment in their voices when I answer that no, I don't work. People are very judgemental. They can't even try to imagine what it's been like for me. They have NO idea how hard I've tried. I'm exhausted from dealing with other people. I can't even bear to talk to strangers on the phone anymore. I hate confrontation of any kind now. Every little thing that goes wrong is now a HUGE stress to me. I keep feeling suicidal. I want to feel wanted, or needed. I want to be useful to other people, not a drain on their wages as they view me.

I could be in a far worse position, after all the place I've moved to is in a nice area without being nearby anywhere rough. I'm very lucky. I just feel like I don't belong here, or anywhere for that matter. The wardens here appear quite helpful. One even suggested soft closing doors. I've just heard another, very loud bang downstairs. It really, really upsets me. I want to die. There is a level crossing around here. I want to lie on it with my neck on the tracks and wait for a fast train to come by and chop it off.

I've never been in a loving relationship, so I can only try to imagine losing someone that important. I'm sorry it happened to you.

Hey Smudge, are you up for a visit to the German Christmas market this year?

Hey Smudge

Thanks for that.

I've concluded it's about the only thing left to me. What I want is somewhere I can control which humans I interact with, when, and under what circumstances. There are ways of doing this without livestock (I could go into Aspie detail on what this is, how it works and why, but basically it's about you taking the place of the large fauna).

Hens, FWIW, are pretty quiet. You just need to make sure you don't have a cockerel. I don't want, or plan to have, either, for several reasons. I want an exclusively plant-based outfit. Things are going to go wrong, but hopefully they won't be going wrong because of the stinking humans.

If you're in sheltered accommodation at 28, you have a problem. I completely relate to what you say about feeling like nobody, and how the humans are so f*****g judgmental. I wish you were a bit closer. We could meet up in a quiet coffee shop or something, but London is a bit far. It's a totally horrendous place to be an Aspie, too.

Still, if you'd like to PM me , then you can consider that welcome.

I'd rather you didn't kill yourself, but I completely understand the desire to do so. I'm not suggesting you PM me because of that, but because I think we have a similar perspective on an unpleasant world.