Honestly, I want some attention at the present moment.

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Well, there really is no other way to say it.

I surround myself with friendly people whenever I can, and I enjoy the companionship that I get.

But now, I am alone, I want to drink, I want to snap out of wanting to drink, and I am realizing that I am not entirely comfortable with being in solitude. I am realizing that I rely on external validation as my primary source of self-worth.

Pathetic, ain't it?

There is cognitive dissonance amock inside me. The realization that I am a good person conflicting with the fact that I was a total slut for older guys when I was a teenager really does not help things at all.

In any case, I am white knuckling my sobriety today, and I am hating my solitude this very second.

solitude is hard... ironically, here, you are not alone in your loneliness.

but do something other than drinking with this sunday. something that takes time and needs some focus, - which takes your mind off things. personally, I think elaborate cooking helps (or baking), but I've been told the ultimate thing to do take your mind off things for an afternoon is climbing. be nice to yourself, but don't spoil yourself.