How do I meltdown at university?

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So I am currently sat in a toilet cubicle rocking because the mentor I was supposed to meet with for the first time couldn't turn up only I didn't get the email he says he sent so nearly had a panic attack and now am angry and unfocussed an missing a lecture I really needed to go to.

And I'm annoyed because until this term meltdowns were rare for me, well, non shut down meltdowns. And I keep thinking to myself, you can't keep doing this. Imagine if you are working and something happens, you can't just meltdown, get ahold of yourself.

But I don't know how to meltdown in public, or how to stop it. I always run and hide hence the sat in the toilet thing. I want to go home but my dad is off and I don't know how to explain it to him. I'm newly diagnosed and whenIwas younger I can only think of one meltdow he had to manage. I feel like this is all so much harder than it should be even though I'm technically doing well.

I loved school. And yeah looking back I had huge issues but I never believed Iwiuldn't do well in the future as long as I worked hard. And I am working hard, I'm working really hard and getting good marks but I'mlosing my ability to filter with it.

I snapped at my Mum a lot yesterday for never actually asking me to do things just implying. Iamgetting angry with tutors who post kast minute assignments even though I know they are nice people.

My psychologist keeps telling me sometimes it's good to do that because people get you need them to put some effort in. But I feel so mean because in the past, Ihave caught implied instructions and managed timetable change- when it's not term time. And I feel like they think I'm being deliberately awkward and I am so tired of having to issue a fricking disclaimer before I come in contact with anyone. I am still getting used to knowing I am autistic and I haven't figured out how to talk to people about it yet except I'm 22 and supposed to be an adult and peple expect me to be able to do this stuff.

Why do peplehaveto be so imprecise? Why do they lie? Why can't things just be fricking easy for once and I know I will be more rational when I have calmed down but writing here was the only way I could think to alleiviate this pre meltdown enough to drive home.

I am optimistic. I am determined to not let this stop me doing well in an NT world but my goodness some days does it suck.

Hmm. Maybe it will help you to define priorities and allow yourself meltdowns only about these set of cases. That implies you will also have an indefinite set of cases in which you know you can relax. Tutor not showing up should not go on the first list. Missing a lecture shouldn't either. Crashing your car against a tree? - it's probably fair to allow yourself some panic.
It's about getting the proportions right between event and reaction. I know, we're struggling with this often, but a strict threshold, below which things are ALWAYS chill can help.
Certainly not perfect, but a start to differentiating and controlling your emotional responses. You can add grey areas later, once you're used to thinking in terms of "tutor didn't show up?- certainly not on the level of a family member having an accident, so no reason to freak out."

I am sorry you are having a tough time. You will find that as your responsibilities and stresses increase in life, your meltdowns probably will also. I did not have public meltdowns until I was an adult. Many times I can hold them off until I get to a private place but sometimes I can't. When I have a public meltdown, I just kind of say, "oh well" because even though it's embarrassing it was more important that I let my brain have the meltdown then try to spare the public an awkward moment.

But since you are in university, especially being newly diagnosed, you should talk to your university counselor about this. I gave myself a concussion having a public metldown at university once. Back then I had no idea I was Autistic so I could not explain to anyone what my issue was. I think it's good to be open about it with a university counselor and with your parents because you don't want people thinking that you are having a tantrum or just being a defiant, spoiled brat. You don't want people treating an Autistic meltdown as a disciplinary issue. That would happen to me when I was a kid before anyone knew I was Autistic and that is very very destructive.

And for your own sake and understanding you should really educate yourself on why meltdowns happen and then teach your parents and your school counselor. There are threads about that specific thing and lots of info on the internet. If you like I can share with you about that. But for the sake of this post, I won't get too specific.

Even though meltdowns are scary and embarrassing to have in front of others, if your brain has reached that point, it's important to go ahead and let it do what it needs to do. There can be worse consequences to always trying to stop your body from melting down if it needs to. If I don't allow my body to go through it, I can become very unbalanced and more dysfunctional than I already am. I can also have an Autistic Burnout much more easily and much more severely. Since meltdowns are new for you, you might not be able to have as much control over them yet. I can control them a little bit, like I can hold off for a few minutes til I get to a private place or sometimes I can do things to channel that energy like squeeze my fists real tight and do some really controlled breathing and that helps and sometimes the meltdown will diffuse itself if it was not too strong. But if the meltdown is too strong, I can't stop it. Meltdowns can vary very much in strength. But I have been having them for like 40 years so I have, in that time, learned some techniques.

You can experiment with techniques like fist clenching, try not to clench your teeth though because that can damage them. You can also try to close your eyes and take very very slow breaths. That helps me if the meltdown is a weaker one. You can do that pretty discreetly even in a crowd. You can also give yourself a strong hug if you don't have someone you trust to hug you. Hugs are great because the strong pressure of a good bear hug helps the neurology to calm down and can sometimes diffuse a meltdown. If you have someone you trust to hug you it's better because a hug from someone else will have deeper and more consistent pressure than a hug from yourself.

But definitely be open about this especially with your parents and your counselor at school. It is very important for them to understand your struggles so that they can help and so that they can make accommodations for you in the classroom. But the most important thing is that they and you understand that this is never a bad behavior issue, it is a neurological response to when the brain is overwhelmed and overloaded and that can come from sensory overload as well as emotional and mental overload. Definitely check out all the threads about meltdowns, there are many.

Here's a Hug for you now.

You can try a lighter load. I melt down from time to time. I have the added pressures at home to deal with. What I also do is take a mini vacation to a place where no one could find me. I recently went to Carson City, Nevada for three days and had a blast. I went to a casino and joined playing the keys with the band they had.