I was getting very down on myself but...

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I saw this youtube and although it did make me cry, it felt very helpful.
It reminded me of the inkling of self-acceptance and love for difference I felt when I was in school away from my home environment.
It reminded me what acceptance can feel like: what it means not to hate all of the things about myself. It reminded me of what that can mean and look like.

It feels so so hard to be autistic in an allistic world, with seemingly no one else to understand me.

I begin to feel as though any semblance of understanding myself has been spirited away and replaced by a pervasive and strange self-loathing branded deep into my psyche by some foreign force acting incessantly upon me.

I can feel so strongly all the former messages of intolerance and vehement hatred. At times, I cheerily choke on this pervasive societal rejection- on this poignant hatred- in the hopes that it would just be so kind as to destroy me from the inside out so that I may be relived of that obligation. I feel as though I "deserve" to choke, to writhe, to grimace in pain. Because- as they say: I should just be "normal".
That dreaded word..
Sometimes I forget to keep fighting against this sentiment because I get tired. So Tired.

But then
I remember

That it's okay!
I'm okay.

We're all oh-so okay.

And I also remember all of the other autistic people in my life that have taught me about me.

I'm glad I've learned about myself and others like me- because that really has meant a lot.


I just felt so happy and thankful after I watched this. I'm glad there are other autistic people out their being autistic and open about it:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBsmXKuCCYk