How do I defeat "Mr Hyde" ?

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When I feel that I'm being patronised, or mocked or excluded from things I become a very unpleasant person. I become sullen or passive aggressive if you like. I stop talking to people. My face is expressionless when relaxed so I stop trying to show emotions and show people a completely stony face.

I'm going to call myself in this mood "Mr Hyde". I'm not pretending that I have a split personality (or, God help us "head mates"). It's just a mood. It's probably a really immature way of behaving, like a child sulking.

Deep down I am a nice person who wants to make people happy and to make friends. I know I won't do this if people see me as sullen and rude. I want to get rid of Mr Hyde.

The thing is, I have been mocked and excluded a lot in my life. I am constantly on the lookout for it happening again. I have just started an Occupational Therapy course and I believe two of the Therapists running the course have already taken a dislike to me and I don't know how I can fight down the defensive Mr Hyde personality now to get any value out of the course.

I try to use CBT techniques to question whether people really are treating me badly. I have probably been unfair to some people in the past. I am sure people do regularly treat me with contempt though even today.

Being nice to someone I believe is contemptuous of me is dreadfully difficult. It feels like I am grovelling in front of them saying "please like me".

I think I know what I could do to be nice, it's just that it seems to require an extraordinary amount of effort. For example, I could go along to my therapy group on Wednesday, walk in the door smiling and say "'morning everyone. I've baked some flapjack to have with your coffee - help yourself". I will imagine though that some of the people (the therapists in particular) will be thinking "You f**king loser, you've got nothing we want. You're not going to win us over with a few flapjacks". If I don't get a positive response I know I will shrink down into my Mr Hyde mood and contribute nothing to the therapy session.

How can I stop feeling like this?

Thanks.

I know how you feel. I am the same way. People think that I am upset or angry, when in reality I am not. I do stress out easily though, and the results of that are usually negative. People act on their perceptions, and often that involves non verbal cues. Whenever you feel the onset of Mr. Hyde, try thinking of something positive, especially if it is funny. The thought might stave off Hyde and actually put a smile on your face, which could make a world of difference!