Living on My Own

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I'm living on my own for the second time, I lived with my mom for 37 years, we had a great relationship & she was the only one that understand me & know about my Asperger. There was this time where me & my mom were fighting sooo much & I got soooo upset with her. I stayed in a hotel for awhile, then I learned, I was really ready to move out. I move into my first apartment, my mom still helped me with paying my rent & bills, so I wasn't fully independent. Six years later, my mom died, I moved back into her house, my sister & her son were living there. I had very very bad anxiety, I stayed mostly in the house for over a year & stayed in bed too, sometimes I have to leave the house & I end up crying in public. I was very badly extremely depressed too, I stopped caring about myself & wanting to die. I live on my own again & I found it harder to live on my own this second time, I feel like a failure, I can't do anything right. I can't work, I can't socialize too good off the internet, I don't have a boyfriend & having trouble taking care of my cat, I'm a bad cat parent! Few weeks ago, I wanted to kill myself. I felt stronger when my mom was alive, now I feel weak & useless. I'm slowly getting better in life, I'm sooooo much better than I was 6 months ago. It still very hard losing my mom. I so hate this feeling! I hope it goes away.

I'm sorry you're having difficulties. But you said yourself: You're getting better.

You don't need a boyfriend to be a complete person. You need a boyfriend to have fun with.

I think you're a fine artist.

I'm glad you're not in that situation with your sister where you felt forced to stay in bed.

I'm also glad you were aware that those guys you mentioned were trying to take advantage of you. That means you have good survival skills.

Hugs

Take care of the both of you at once and when you're more settled, your cat will return the favor.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

My daughter has struggled with living independently. I know she is not all the way there yet.

She was too dependent on me, even while living on her own, so I have been limiting the number of services I will do for her, and instead have helped her connect with a social worker who helps her with many things. I am aware I should not give her money for support, but I did help her get SSI and have her college loans forgiven due to a disability.

Some day I won't be around to take care of her stuff any more, so I felt it was important that she learn the skills of getting help elsewhere or else taking care of things herself. It's not going too badly, but I still worry about her health and I know she has not fully acquired the skill of feeding herself nourishing meals.

Kitty4670, please get support and advice from WrongPlanet and also other places to take care of your mental and physical health. I know it can be hard. Please keep trying. The difference between successful and unsuccessful people is that the successful ones persist.

You have lots of courage, Kitty....and you will win in life.

Did I see you say you were taking nothing (no meds) for your anxiety and depression? If you feel you are not making it, it might do to reconsider that. The right prescription can make a world of difference. It does sometimes take a while for a doctor to get the right drug and right dose for you, but please consider it if you feel you can't do what you need to do.