Please just listen to me

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People don't usually respond to posts I make on the internet. Maybe it's my wording, maybe no one cares, or maybe I'm invisible. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I'm undiagnosed and can't get a diagnosis because I can't afford the place here that does it. I have been unable to socialize normally, had obsessions, sensory issues and panic attacks since I can remember. As a child my family thought I was undisciplined and now they agree that I have bipolar disorder but won't listen to me when I say I think I have autism. I live with my cousins and I'm on ssi. I can tell they think I should work and I want to work but I have absolutely no experience and can't find a job that doesn't require talking. They think my social issues are because I wasn't socialized as a child and no matter how many times I try to explain that it's not, how I feel like there's a glass between me and the rest of the world but they say everyone feels that way. That's not true......

If I had a physical problem I could say I hurt and people will understand. But I feel like being this way is my fault. I get so angry at everything around me that I just bite down on my wrist all the time because it's the only way I can cope. Whenever I want to be alone or don't want to talk to people I'm told that I'm being offensive. My family says that I make it seem like they're being mean to me because I want to be alone in my room instead of sitting in the living room with them. I have different interests-I like documentaries and that type of thing but I can't stand fiction unless it's adult cartoons. I find things funny that no one else does. When I say maybe I have autism they say it's an excuse. I go out in public and I can tell the difference between me and other people. I see other women around my age walking around, laughing with their friends and I feel like a different species standing there by myself. People can't seem to see the world they way I do and they only see it as I'm a mean, horrible rude person because I am this way.

If a kid in high school is in the prom court and has a ton of friends, no one tells them to tone it down on the socializing. They can go to all the parties they want. But according to NTs, there's something wrong with the anti social kids and they need to be "fixed". I just had an argument with my cousin because I said that people with social disorders have a disadvantage in the job world. She was saying that's not true, and went on to name an employee from Wal Mart she knows who has cerebral palsy but doesn't whine about his situation. I'm just a whiner, according to her. Then she said that mental illness or social disabilities can be improved if the person just socializes more. There's no point in arguing with her anymore-it's as if we speak and understand different languages.

My cousin's husband thought autism was diagnosed in the womb once when we were arguing about it so they aren't super educated on it. My cousin keeps comparing me to her 14 year old's 2 classmates who have it. She says that I don't do this or that like them so I must not be autistic. I try to tell her every case is different but she refuses to hear me. I don't know what to do or think anymore....and I can't complain or show that I don't like things without it being a pity party or whining. I'm told that the world doesn't have to change for me...and I never said it did. I don't bother anyone. People expect me to be their entertainment and if I don't I'm rude.

ugh.....

If you respond to other people's threads, and seem like you're "listening" to the "original poster," or the person who posted before you, you will probably get more responses.

It's sort of a matter of "you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours."

I understand what you're saying. I don't feel like I fit in with anyone, either.

I think you're actually a pretty substantial member of this Forum, AP!

I am a generally ignored member too. Maybe our issues and thoughts are diverse and outlandish even by WP standards? If we know that we are ignored and overlooked, maybe that is what makes us different than others, and makes us aware of our unique characteristics wherever we are.

I don't find that you're ignored.

I never fit in anywhere. Either I bore or annoy people. It seems that I'm completely deranged and loony. Oh well.

My autism diagnosis went something like this:
Me: "I think I've got depression. What's your opinion?"
Psychologist: "u have autism fa***t"
Me: "I thought autism was a myth."
Psychologist: "no lol fite me m8"

So there you go. To be completely honest I don't really understand the purpose of this thread beyond "listening" to you. So I suspect my thoughts will be something less than helpful.

It doesn't sound like a diagnosis would change your family's opinions of you. They seem to have pretty strong opinions of autism. I've found that a lot of people do. It's frustrating, but I think we all have to deal with that.

Mate, I feel your pain. But these things cannot be forced upon anyone. It is hard. That I get.

Focus on just you. Try doing something creative or kind. Get recognition that way. Most other people that sense your ineptitude will just exploit that and make you feel more crappy than you already are.

I gave up caring about other people simply because they are too fussy or I knew my chances were null and void. Now having accepted that most people are up their own arses, I feel ready to try new ventures.

Like what occurred with my support workers; I was too trusting. Never trust them (caregivers) because most of them are clueless or just in it for the money. In fact, I would think that asking a bunch of strangers for help with a name like "rude1" would be odd.

Hey, Rudy - can I call you Rudy? Isn't that better than calling you Rude?

Stop trying to get your family members to support you. I think it isn't going to happen. Now if and when you do get a diagnosis of autism, then gently push reading materials about autism onto them.

What kraftiekortie said is very true - if you participate actively on a forum, you will get more comments back, yourself. It looks as if you have only made 3 posts here, ever.

I hope you come to find WP a welcoming and helpful place. Best of luck to you!

Yeah, I'm not very good at giving advice, either.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm just talking to myself as well. But some people may prefer to look at the latest posts than respond. There are times though when a thread that gets 300 views but so little replies isn't much cope if you want a reply fast.