my story is gone...

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and i don't know what to do with myself, i also can't believe i sacrificed it like that.
but now i can feel the darkness closing in, basicly i'm cowering back into my shell i haven't written much if that much, i haven't had the drive to do anything other then beat myself for not doing anything for it. though i have a plan i doubt i'll finish.

but as for other things i still want the story back even though it's basicly dead, but that's where my direct flow of creativity came from so everything else suffers.
at this point in time though i can't seem to tolerate anything social, and talk of the word independent is pissing me off something feirce. but i have to tolerate it to keep a friend so i guess anger is a good thing.
as for social things i'm abandoning as much social things as possible, i don't feel safe anymore nor do i feel anyone in this house gives a damn so i've been hibernating in my room even more then before. it's like everything is crashing around me, no story no media player all i got is my computer.
i'm probably the most detattached person i know, but now without my story do block out the unwanted and make me heartless, i'm also scared now. i don't know why though because god knows i'm still going through the process of letting go of the story i was going to take to my grave, it was my most prized of everything i have and now it's gone.

this might be the last time i'm on here, besides i never do well where i feel i'm surrounded anyway. besides i got a big project and i need as little disractions as possible and god knows i don't stick around anywhere very long.
well sims don't make themselves.

I'm sorry to hear that!

what do you mean by your story?

it's a story i had in my head sort of like endless dream that i controlled but the story is not about me, more like my characters and a few other favorites.

it was something i would lean on often in order to be numb to feeling things, it was nice but now i don't have that anymore.

Any idea how you lost it?
I have a lot of these that I've been running for
25 years (at least). Sometimes I add new ones,
sometimes I lose some. Getting too focused on
reality drives them away though. One has to
maintain a certain level of disconnection to
keep them.

i'm not sure talking about miscellaneous deaths that each character facedmaking me feel bad for killing them, pills that i have taken, lack of ideas, to many characters to keep track of, my mind fighting it off after the story gained control, or maybe all this independence stuff, the fear of losing a friend because of my rejection to independence stuff, i could also have something to do with losing about 30 pounds because of lack of eating and dropping below the healthy range [of course that could be a symptom too].

it could be any of the above.

i gained it when i moved here to pennsylvania from arizona around that time my mom was sick and in the hospital, both of us went through a depression i'm not sure what my mom did but i dove in the depths of my mind to protect myself and run from the problem. after about 3 years or this i was dignosed and now i'm on sleep meds.

basicly the story was made as an escape from reality and seem to drive on harder the more i ran, the more i seeked it's refuge the more it protected. but as secluded as i am now and it still isn't back does bring a good sign.

The story pauses when you have to enter the world to meet a challenge. Complete the challenge then return to your story. You might find the story then changes and brings surprising twists that might awe you.

yeah that's how it would go, to much distraction and it would instantly go away, that could be anywhere from the light getting turned on to a sudden change in song type heck i couldn't even look at a picture of a character in the story or i would get this burned in imprint of the picture in my head.

the problem is not ability to keep it going cause i know if i try hard enough i could bring it back, the problem though is i can't keep a story going i have tried others but the images never stay around i can get a short 5 second clip going in my head then it will fade out and another random thing will follow i have to force the first clip to continue which results in frustration and nasty headaches.

so in a sense the story used to run like a movie now it's more like trying to flip bettween two channels in your tv as fast as you can.

have you tried writing your story?

I know I can't remember my dreams but if I write them down I can.

That really sucks, Jetfox. I remember when that happened to me. Sunk an entire semester. You have my deepest sympathies.

See if you can obtain it through stimming.
That is necessary for me all of the time.

yeah i've tried writing it and it's in little pieces some of the chapters i wrote i don't even know what chapter they are, but most of what's written which is like 10 percent is put together.
the second half i started writing that one when i was already deep into the story so the whole begining is cut off.

i don't really understand what stimming is so i don't know how that will help but if if i can get the story back i would try it, i've kinda run into brick walls with everything else.

well i brought the story back, it's barely surviving though. but i think to many characters killed it so i'm taking it from the point where xemnas and gang got in and taking a different route if anything a few will have to die if the story suffers even more.

i hope it doesn't come to that.