Fed up with Asperger's

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Fed up with having social anxiety and being socially awkward. I hate feeling left out, it always has a negative affect on me, even as a child.

Last night I laid awake nearly all night, analyzing my life and feeling depressed about stuff. Like I started panicking because as a teenager nobody from school wanted to come to my house during the holidays to hang out, and also nobody from school has ever had a sleepover at my house, even as a small child. That is so unsettling to think about, because having friends to stay and hanging out in the holidays/week-ends is so common, even in children who are slightly socially awkward, and yet it never happened to me. I'm a female with high-functioning and mild Asperger's, so even as a child I could mask my symptoms, and there was a lot of Asperger's symptoms I didn't even have at all. So I must have been a bad person or something.

Also I think of my boyfriend's daughter (yes, he's quite a bit older than me so his oldest daughter is near my age). She has everything; lots of friends, attractive, nice person, witty personality, bright, confident, and has just got promoted at her job, so now she earns good money and also enjoys her job too. And here's me; quiet, nervous, socially phobic, hardly no friends, odd, dimwitted, unconfident, prone to depression, find work daunting, slow at learning anything, have anxiety issues, and rather boring. Complete contrast. And his other two children are getting on well too. The middle one goes to college, knows what he wants to do career-wise, and is tall, good-looking, has a girlfriend already, and has lots of mates, and his youngest is still at school but is doing well, and has lots of friends. They must all get it from their mother, because my boyfriend is rather unconfident, shy, unmotivated, etc.

Why can't I be an NT, like all three of my boyfriend's children?

Yes I am on antidepressants, 50mg Sertraline, and yes they do help control my emotions, but occasionally everything suddenly gets to me and I need to vent.

I've got so much more to say but then that would make this post so long that nobody will bother to read it. I bet nobody will read it anyway, and if you do you'll probably sigh ''oh it's Joe90 rambling on about herself again''. Well before you think that, this is the haven, which is supposed to be used for entirely that purpose.

Sorry, I'm just feeling a bit blue at the moment. I hate my Asperger's, and I know sometimes I do doubt that I have it, but if I don't have it I am still not normal otherwise I wouldn't be in this social isolation. And yes I do have a boyfriend, which most Aspies here would kill for, but at the moment I'm just feeling fed up and I wish I was more confident.

Truthfully, if you didn't have Asperger's, you would have something else.

Being discontented in some way, I have observed, is inevitable in humans.

Just be glad you don't have some severe psychological disorder, or alcoholism/drug dependence, which might cause you to sleep in the streets without a bit of self-consciousness.

Why not ask your GP to try a different anti-depressant?? The one you're on might not be working so well anymore.

Be careful with comparing yourself to others. Not only is it unlikely to help you, it can be harmful as well.

There will always be people more succesful than you and the same goes the other way. But we all do what we can, you know.

You are not a bad person, nor are you boring. I think you are an interesting person with good insights about Asperger's. You have Asperger's and anxiety, which makes things a little harder, but not impossible. Try writing down the good things about yourself and looking back at the list often. When you're feeling depressed, take a break and do something you enjoy. Also, find a therapist to talk to or talk to your boyfriend when you're feeling down. I hope you feel better.

This, stop comparing yourself to others if you ever want to be at peace with who you are. Feel free to keep posting in here, you aren't bothering anyone by venting, and that's what this forum is for. Other's on WP will always be here to continue to support you.

Have you ever heard of Acceptance and Commitment based therapy? It might be something that you may find useful in learning to help you instead of the usual CBT approach. http://www.thehappinesstrap.com/about_act You can find this book on Amazon in written and in illustrated forms. It may help you learn to cope better and get out of the vicious cycle of always wishing you had something else or were someone else, wanting more and never being just happy with who you are and what you have.

I think I prefer staying on the ones I'm on, because they do stop me from having rage outbursts and self-harming, most definitely. I'd rather have depression on and off and panic attacks, than having rage outbursts and self-harming.





I know. I am very aware that 99% of my depression comes from comparing myself to others. If I never compared myself to others, I think I would generally be depression-free. But sometimes it's so hard to not measure myself against others.



Thank you, it's nice to know there is a place on WP where I can vent without people judging me. I do talk to my mum, my aunties, my grandmother, and a couple of good friends about how I feel too, which does help. Yesterday I had a panic attack in public, because it was overcrowded and the bus got held up and I was all behind and I was already feeling fragile about things. I suddenly got a hatred for people, and I glared at everyone and rushed through the crowds, then I went to a quiet street where there wasn't anybody, phoned my mum and burst into tears. I told her that I was having a panic attack, and she was sympathetic. It really helped to just tell someone close that I was having a panic attack, and after that I felt better and got on with the day. I do tell my boyfriend these things too, and he offers sympathy but not empathy really. He thinks anxiety is something I should overcome, but it's easier said than done to just click my fingers and say ''anxiety, stop!'' and make it go away forever. But I suppose having ''normal'' NT kids with no disabilities or emotional problems will make you unaware of those that DO suffer from these sorts of things. He takes his kids abilities for granted, like we all do with ourselves or our kids. Just like I'm doing right now in this thread.

I will have a look at the link, thank you all for responding to my post, it helps a lot.

Couple things I want to say here. First, you are hardly a dull person I cannot empathize with. I do look at the names associated with various threads, then I avoid some, but I invariably like to read yours. I think you are a relatively well liked person here at WP, and the replies above are all supportive.

Second, if you didn't have friends over at all as a kid, that is certainly due to your parents' style of raising you as much as it is to your own unlikability. Parents can't arrange play-dates for 16 year olds, but for toddlers up through all of grammar school, parents' active or passive arrangement of play opportunities has a lot to do with opportunities to build social competence, confidence and self-esteem. So although you may get along with your mum, ask yourself whether she could have done more to provide you with play dates. Is it possible that your mum isn't very socially gifted and connected herself, and didn't make friendships with parents of other kids the same age as you so that these things flowed very naturally? Or possibly, she had too much anxiety to let you out of her sphere of influence? Did she or did she not, involve you in childhood activities like music lessons, camp, and clubs?

I'm saying your mum but it could be dad too; what efforts did they make to involve you with other children?

Lest anyone think I'm blaming the mother, again, well no, I'm an aspie mum of aspie kids (now adults). I struggled with the challenges of parenting but did try to make efforts in the ways I've described. It was just inordinately hard for me, and I know I could have done better. I was also trying to juggle a demanding career and a troubled marriage.

^^^

You have a really good point there.

I had a lot of cousins of my age when I was growing up, and I was close to most of them, even as a teenager. So maybe my mum thought I was so happy with having my cousins as my mates, that she felt she didn't really need to organize play dates for me. And I was happy with having my cousins at my mates. I didn't really think of anything else.

I think my mum might have done birthday parties inviting a few friends of mine when I was about 3-4 years old. I can't really remember. But as I got a bit older I just latched myself on to my cousins and thought of them as my mates. And I did sleep at my cousin's houses and they slept at mine. But most of my childhood social life was revolved around my cousins, with the occasional birthday party I was invited to by kids in my class.

Mind you, my brother was always out with friends, but he wasn't as close to our cousins as I was. Also, yes, my mum is NT but has always been a rather shy person. I think she's developed social anxiety as she's gotten older, and I think she was worried that I was going to get let down by friends, so maybe she preferred me to just play with my cousins. My cousins were NTs but always made time for me, and naturally wanted to come round and play, without being under pressure to play with me by their parents. So part of me did get along with other kids, but inviting (non-related) kids from school to my house was just something that didn't happen.

I'm getting that right now. I don't think it works well for me. It's mainly aimed at people who try to suppress negative thoughts and find them repeatedly coming back, which is not me at all. (I'm more of the 'rip the scab off and pick at the wound' type when it comes to negative thoughts.) Plus, it's based on the assumption that your thoughts are primarily verbal, and I'm a mixed verbal-visual thinker.

It could certainly help someone else, though. Also, another possibility is DBT. It's kind of a mix of CBT and mindfulness meditation. I was getting that and it was really helping, and then my counsellor had to move and they had no one else to treat me.

I used to have bad Social Anxiety now is a lot better and well managed. You can do something about that.

However be careful what you wish for.

Only do lot of social thing if that is the type of person you are. The grass is always greener on the other side.

You have to be content in yourself rather than trying to be something you are not.