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BaneBear
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01 Feb 2016, 5:50 pm

I have this girl in my office who at one point told me she cared about me like a brother. It was cool to text her, she took an interest in stuff I told her/laughed at my jokes, and wanted to get involved in stuff with me(like reading self help books and talking about them).
Now a days she is cold and rude/ a complete liar. I can't text her without her saying I am distracting her/bugging her, yet she will sit there on her phone at work for 10 minutes at a time and talk about how she is talking to others around the office on the phone. She ignores my texts anyway, even when I was having an emotional breakdown she ignored me all weekend for it and claims it was cause she was doing chores(that's fine but I am a firm believer that in a 72 hour period claiming you can't take 30 seconds to respond is bologna).
She didn't do anything she ever said she wanted to do with me like the book thing. She isn't even interested anymore when I show or tell her stuff, and is extremely rude to me at work now.
She just recently got a new boyfriend like a month and a half ago.
This is why I hate the idea of being friends with people, this is not the first time I have gone through this. I think people are vindictive spiteful liars(like her) and I am close to giving up and going up to her face and cussing her off.



nurseangela
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01 Feb 2016, 5:53 pm

Just leave her alone and ignore her. Move on because she is not worth having a fight and disagreement at work and making yourself look bad.


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kraftiekortie
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01 Feb 2016, 6:45 pm

I think this new boyfriend has something to do with this coldness.

I'd move on if I were you.

Maybe, if you ignore her, she'll come running back to you!



cavernio
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01 Feb 2016, 10:22 pm

Perhaps she doesn't treat her brothers very well :-p

Really though, she is uninterested in being your friend anymore. People change, for whatever reason. They're allowed to, even when it makes them a**holes.


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Kizerx
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01 Feb 2016, 10:30 pm

I never had many friends. The ones I did have betrayed me, in ways similar to what you have explained.

It saddens me that humans can be so cold.

There is no excuse for such betrayal, and I would not forgive her for it. Moving on may be best.



ZD
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02 Feb 2016, 7:44 am

Bad you I think.

She is just busy, everyone is at the start of a relationship and won't have as much time for other people. But one thing I wonder is have you actually asked her how the relationship is going? she might be hurt that you aren't happy for her and not talking to her about things she is really happy about. If your male it could be your annoying her boyfriend with texting it happens and she has taken which relationship she wants the most at the moment.


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02 Feb 2016, 7:55 am

People need to stop feeling entitled to the attention of others. Put yourself in her place. She doesn't owe you anything believe it or not. Friends come and go, accept it and move on. There's plenty of other people out there to hang out with.



BaneBear
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02 Feb 2016, 12:09 pm

Why does so many posts I make people think I am saying I am entitled to something. Look whether people like it or not don't offer or promise things you can't do. I'm not calling her or cussing her about anything she broke her promise on. I am not trying to fight her bf. I am asking am I a bad friend or is she. I am gonna ignore her, what is bothering me about her is she was super nice to me once now she could give a s**t less. It's not about being busy, there is a difference between the way she talks to me and how she talks to others(not her bf). Its cold and annoyed.



slenkar
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02 Feb 2016, 2:36 pm

Quote:
i am close to giving up and going up to her face and cussing her off.


If you do that she will go and bad mouth you to 20 people and get you fired - guaranteed.

Is there anyone else in the room you can talk to?



cberg
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02 Feb 2016, 2:52 pm

Try to ignore office politics. People in offices seemingly believe they've nothing better to do, ergo none of their thoughts are at all likely to pertain to your life as a whole.


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rude1
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02 Feb 2016, 4:12 pm

Just because she is needing space right now does not mean she no longer cares or will not speak to you again in the future. I as a person go through long periods where I don't want social interaction with specific people or sometimes anyone at all. Most people can't understand that; they think that in order to be their friend I should have to be at their beck and call.

Stop sending her multiple text messages. Maybe just send one more along the lines of "Whenever you're ready to talk again, I'm here," and leave it at that. Don't demonize or be angry at her. As people we have to put our own needs first-and most of the time it has absolutely nothing to do with the other person.

If you go and cuss her that would be like saying "I have no respect for your needs and I never did" You need to make YOUSELF the center of YOUR world, instead of expecting to be the center of someone else's


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VisInsita
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02 Feb 2016, 4:22 pm

Maybe what is wrong isn't in neither of you two, but rather in between the two of you.

I have kind of turned "cold" lately on a friend (the only one). But in my case it's not that I wouldn't want to have anything to do with him ever. I'd like to remain friends. But it is so that I am in a very hard situation in my life as my mother's cancer has advanced and I am just really tired. This friend demands my attention alot and comes almost daily to talk to my work place and he used to call almost daily. I have become to feel cornered and tired, for I am a very different kind. Maybe your and your friend's needs differ too. Your friend might have also situational reasons that may change over time like I do (for example a new relationship).

The friend I have been a bit "cold" lately kind of needs me to see himself. Someone needs to see and hear what he did, saw, read or heard, as if it didn't happen if he didn't make it seen by telling. So I am a bit like a mirror that makes his life visible. But at the same time I end up being just a surface reflecting an image and at times that feels a bit frustrating when instead of being just mute or an echo, you have your own songs you'd like to sing too.

But like I said I don't hate him and would like to be his friend. Even though we differ in our needs, the differences also make things interesting. So in my opinion these things aren't just simple a la who is to blame or take it or leave it. I hope things will resolve.

PS. I corrected spelling and my s*tty English, hence -->



Last edited by VisInsita on 02 Feb 2016, 4:30 pm, edited 4 times in total.

Peacesells
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02 Feb 2016, 4:23 pm

BaneBear wrote:
Why does so many posts I make people think I am saying I am entitled to something.

Because they are evil, don't listen to them. About your friend, from your description of the situation it looks like she's the bad one.



kraftiekortie
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02 Feb 2016, 8:03 pm

I don't believe that you feel you're "entitled" to anything either.

I just think this person got cold to you because she now has a boyfriend.

Just don't press the issue. Eventually, perhaps, she'll warm up to you again.



dcj123
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03 Feb 2016, 3:44 am

She sounds bipolar to me, or

kraftiekortie wrote:
I think this new boyfriend has something to do with this coldness.


This

or even,

cavernio wrote:
Really though, she is uninterested in being your friend anymore. People change, for whatever reason. They're allowed to, even when it makes them a**holes.


This