Obsession with late friend and unable to get over his death

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This is first time that I have been on this site in a few years.

I feel like I cannot get over the loss of one of my closest friends to suicide a year and a half ago. We only knew each other for 2-3 years, but spent a lot of time with one another during that time. We were active in church together, saw each other at school (he was a worker, I was a student), and we were active in politics and community affairs together. Had it not been for his brother and him, I would of never attained my Bachelor's degree. We used to chat about books, politics, religion, music, etc (we had a lot of similar interests). Unfortunately, he suffered from schizophrenia and went into a psychotic break a year or so before his suicide. I was one of the few people that he discussed him mental issues with. I lost touch with him, and sadly no one who had knowledge of his medical condition would discuss what was going on with him. I took it rather hard when I got word out of the blue about his passing. I was overcome with emotion at his memorial service when his family displayed his favorite books and cds on the table in the back of room. Many of these were items that I had enter lent to him and/or given him.

One thing that bothers me is that I have been unable to get over him and move beyond his passing. His death, his illness and the life that he lived has become my special interest for the last year and a half. I have sought some talk therapy for this issue and it has done little good. I have become friends with both of his parents and a number of his other friends. I have also taken to political activism to draw awareness to mental illness, end the stigmas and proposed policy to assist those that are suffering from these conditions. My political activism even caught the attention of Hillary Clinton, who has taken his story to heart in her proposals for mental health. Even with this legacy, I still cannot get over him.

What frustrates me the most is the fact that I have not found someone to fill the void that his suicide has left in my life. This has been another aspect of my obsession, trying to go out of my way to find a replacement. I am very active in most of the same things that the two of us were when he was still alive. Even though this has turned up a number of new acquaintances, it hasn't turned up a person who is remotely like him. I am also trying to seek someone with Asperger's/HFA/schizophrenia, since friends with these diagnoses are the ones who have seemed to understand me the best. Sadly, these are also the type of people who are likely to avoid venues such as politics.

I am getting tired of this obsession and want it to come to an end. I also want to find someone like him again!

I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. And I suspect that autistics take longer to get over things like this - so a year and half is still very recent, and painful.

But I think it's amazing that you have tried to get help for other people in his situation, even to the point of bringing it to the attention of Hillary Clinton. It gives me hope that she is taking these stories to heart, and trying to find ways to help those who see no other option besides suicide - so thank you for that.

I wish you the best in healing from this, and please be gentle with yourself, and accept that it might take you longer than most people, since dealing with change is harder for us.

Yes, there is an interesting story in how Hillary Clinton picked up on my late friend's story. I went back to college in my mid-30s a few years ago and got my BA in political science. While I was there I did a couple of internships in local Congressional offices. First of all, one of the Congressmen that I interned with is like a mentor to me. I remember talking to his wife at length at an event right after my friend died. He ends up calling me wanting to go out for a cup of coffee when he was back in the district. We ended up discussing my friend's suicide and mental illness and mental health policy in general. Also, other local politicians who are friends and mentors have listened to me and supported me on this journey (a number of these folks also knew my friend through his community activities and political activism).
I live in Iowa so we recently had the caucus and months of campaigns preceding that. I had posted a number of things on Facebook about my friend's passing and how I was trying to engage in mental health and suicide awareness. One of the people that picked up on this was one of higher ups in Hillary's campaign, whom was my chief of staff in the other Congressional office when I interned there (we are also FB friends). Another mucky-muck in her campaign was an earlier campaign manager for a local Congressional candidate, and had worked with my friend on some environmental events with the candidate. She was quite shaken up by his death as well. I ran into these ladies at one of Hillary's first events of the Iowa caucus campaign. It was a small town hall/meet and greet event. These ladies introduce me to Hillary after the event and we must of talked for five minutes or better about my friend. We also discussed autism policy briefly. I had seven other meetings with her between this event to discuss both mental health and autism policy (I was one of the people that helped her craft her autism plan that she came out with). It has kind of startled me that a presidential candidate would take an interest in both my friend and I.