I feel like such a loser

Post Reply New Topic

There's so many people my age who are getting on so well in their jobs. My partner's daughters are both younger than me but one of them got promoted a year ago in her job and now she successfully runs a small nursing home, and the other daughter has been promoted in her job as a beautician, now she's going to be a manager of a beauty compartment in a big store up in London.

And there's me, a part-time cleaner, minimun wage, not entirely happy there, and I feel like it's just a dead end job. I'm not really into nursing or beauty, and the things I do want to do require good social skills, intelligence, luck, and perfection.

I am a dimwit. I know of people with low IQs who are having the same struggles as me with careers, and so I must have low IQ too.

Ps. Yes my boyfriend is 20 years older than me.

Ps. Yes I have good punctuation and spelling, doesn't mean I'm a genius.

I'm sorry I can feel that way too....and I'm almost 40! All of my peers are now uber successful or are taking on the huge responsibilities of full time motherhood, some even homeschooling, and yet I know I could never handle all of that. I feel like I am still emotionally/psychologically much younger - not a full-fledged responsible adult, not only in my lack of responsibilities, but in my lack of desire for them and strong feeling that I couldn't handle them :-/ You are much younger than me, so I think you at least can be more hopeful than me in terms of time. There's definitely more out there than beauty and nursing - can you identify exactly what things would be hard for you, vs. what might not be as hard? E.g. nursing and beauty both take a lot of personal interaction, group dynamics, noise, multi-tasking, hands-on stuff. Nursing has many additional stresses built right in. Would you need something slower paced, more solitary, less hands-on - more routine? Maybe you can find something different - maybe take some aptitude/skills tests at a career center or online?

I've never really been very ambitious. I prefer the country life; I desire to get married and be a housewife pottering about at home.

There's a woman my mum knows who has a daughter my age, who is NT and was quite bright and studied well at school, but a few years ago she decided she wants to be a housewife (her partner has a good job). Now they've got 2 little boys, and she doesn't work, even if she could, as they can afford a nanny. So despite her being a bright student at school, she is really happy just being a stay-at-home mum and a housewife, and if she couldn't afford to not work she says she'd just get a casual job to pay her bills.

So maybe it's not because I'm stupid, it might just be part of my personality.
But, still, thinking about how my boyfriend's daughters are doing so well does make me feel inferior. Maybe I could take up a computer course. I do enjoy typing, and office work is a little higher up than cleaning.

Can you go to college and do a cleaning job at nights?

I know how you feel, Joe.

I'm 55 years old, and I'm still a data-entry clerk, just like I was when I was 19.

I don't have much ambition, even though I did get my Bachelor's.

Please don't compare yourself to other people.

Maybe you'll get a chance to just "putter around" in the country some day.

There's a woman my age who is running for mayor of Sacramento, where I live. Sacramento has about a half million people in a metro area of about 2 million, and it's the state capital of California, which is something like the 8th largest economy on earth just by itself. This person got knocked up at 19 and lived in a slum for a while, but she used welfare reform, where single mothers were required to get an education in order to get their bennies, to study law and get a law degree. (Many young women got worthless liberal arts degrees.)

Then she met a guy who is an emergency room nurse, and they bought a home here in North Natomas which is the nicest area of the city proper, and he encouraged her to become a politician. Her first run was for the local seat on the city council, against a heavily favored incumbent, and she beat him. Now she's likely gonna be mayor. And she's my age and from my hometown, she graduated high school the same year I did albeit at the town's other HS. My HS prom date has learning disabilities, and was in special ed, but now she's an important manager at the California DMV headquarters.

And I've been on SSI since I was 18 and live with my mom. I completed college but couldn't find a job, so I tried a for-profit vocational academy to learn computer repair only to get ripped off, $10k in debt with a worthless education. I tried several businesses that never went anywhere. Oh yeah, and I have no skills. So yeah, everybody my age has important jobs and families and money and futures, while I don't. If I killed myself tomorrow I doubt anybody except my mom would notice or care. (That was a rhetorical statement, btw.)

I think what you're describing is perfectly normal! But in our abnormal modern day world, society doesn't seem to value this - the cultural values are geared towards ambition for everyone, and so others can feel flawed, weird, lazy otherwise. Sometimes society really looks down on housewives and mothers, as if they are not reaching their full potential, etc. My mom was a housewife, and many of my friends are, and they are doing a lot of important work! There is a lot of work to be done in keeping a home - I think there are women who dont' like it, and they prefer to work outside the home, but others prefer it at home - it's not fair to see those who prefer to stay at home as lesser. I think managing a home is a lot of work, and it's too stressful to do that and a full time job - often, stuff will either be left undone, or the people are more stressed out while juggling everything. If I had the choice, I would definitely stay home - I would enjoy that just fine, not get bored or anything. I thought I would marry someone older who was more traditional and settled and wanted that.....but then surprise, surprise, that's not the situation I married into, and now I definitely need to work - so I am trying to launch into a career. But I say do what makes you happy, and don't feel down about it. Keeping a home is an art form that is being lost - and the slower pace of life, that is a good life, imho, which is also being lost.