Arranged Marriage for Aspies...

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i dont know why nobody has set this up...We are usually..without a doubt, at least with me, the WORST judge of character, lack of social skills, or Horse sense..people ever.

I have dated so many guys, for months, years at a time... been engaged in RL 3 times,each about a year or two in length. only to end up once again single, heart broken, and wondering what is wrong with me, and why havent i just given up already?


I have tried reading articles , about dating and about who is good and who is bad to love/marry... If i should be the one to purpose... etc

But here i am, failed again... without someone by my side..who cares if i live or die. who loves ME and not just saying it to use me, in the many ways ive been used....


I wish this existed...especially for American girls.

Guys too... i know some are really bad about being social and being romantic too.


I am seriously considering throwing in the towel and letting my parents pick a man for me...

I am constantly hearing my clock ticking inside, because i am disabled and on Disablity, i dont work and i dont attend college. don't need to.

So now because those two major things arent there, to worry over. my next natural move, is marriage and kids.

But when will i ever find someone, who can put up with my aspie tendencies, and my BPD, and my PTSD, and my OCD.... and still want me?


Everyone will say that right one will come along...But don't bother... ive heard that so many times now, i am nauseated when i see it...

They need to make a website where Aspies who are ready to settle down, CAN...and Dont have to wait 2-3 years with the person in question, to figure out if they want it too...Or have everyone run away from you if you post , yeah seeking marriage asap.


Im just facing facts....20+ dating profiles, and nothing but creeps....Regardless of how kind, sweet, and caring i am. Or how reserved, safe conscious, and careful i am...

I have been at this since i was 15... Im knocking 23 now. I know most will say thats so young and you got the entire life to live....But lets be honest.... My health isnt the best... and its getting worse from being depressed from nobody wanting me... Meanwhile, my used to be friends, have kids and a steady fiance if not husband now...


Im just the same ole girl... they used to know...

I feel sometimes, i should just go back to how i used to be... Playing online games all day long, avoiding looking good and feeling good. And eat terribly like before...and not care if my body goes to s**t...


Or if i gain a lot of weight... or if i cut my wrists in anger and sadness...


Oh yes..ive tried therapy, many times. and medication..Nothing works... sometimes you have to listen to your heart...

And mine says i need to just find a Matchmaker and get it over with....

Sorry everyone... I just needed someone to hear my pain.....

Have a good day.

I'm sorry life has been so rough to you. I don't know the perfect thing to say, but I'll try. Some of it you've heard but bear with me, I'm hoping to help.

I took the time to read your post- and I hate when others are sad

Relationships are hard for everyone (not just aspies). Dating sites are generally hit and miss, but there is tons of success stories. You are only 22 (according to your profile, unless its wrong), that's pretty young. Plenty of time to find someone. It really sounds like you don't love yourself. The old phrase goes something like.. to love someone else, you need to love yourself first. Life as an aspie is hard, but with the right support system you can do just about anything!

Please don't do anything harsh- don't give up.

If you want to chat more, I'll listen (here or in private messages).

Call me weird, but in a way, I actually think arranged marriage sounds kind of exciting and romantic. Especially if it was the kind where it was arranged during childhood. I don't know, yeah, I guess I am weird.

It also would eliminate the all-too-common problem of relationships ending before they can begin, due to a bad first-impression. Maybe you were perfect for each other, but you wore the wrong shirt, or your hair was messy, or you said something stupid. Arranged marriage, there's no backing out. You wouldn't have to be as nervous, you wouldn't have to try to be somebody else, you wouldn't have this nagging feeling, wondering if you've chosen the right one...you're married to each other now, and this is the adventure, and let's try to live it to the absolute fullest. I just find the whole idea fascinating.

I don't know if they have it for girls, but I know that mail-order-brides are still fairly common today. I suppose for girls it might be a little more dangerous...

At least you know that you have BPD (borderline, correct?). I was dating a girl for a short while, and near the end, I was reading about borderline and I'm pretty sure she has it. If she knew she had it, she never mentioned it, and I didn't feel like it would be appropriate for me to tell her. When she was having a high, it was amazing, I had never felt anything like it before. When she first started chatting at me via OKC, I thought "we have almost nothing in common, but holy cow, there's some weird chemistry going on here" and we knew we had to meet immediately. Surprisingly, everything was the same in person (and as a bonus, she looked way better than her photos).

However, every time we hung out, it seemed like she would hit a low immediately afterwards, and would push me away. I wouldn't hear from her for about a week, and the spell would wear off, and I'd think, "we have almost nothing in common, I don't know why I'm bothering to put any effort into this". But of course, she'd hit a high again and then it's "wash, rinse, repeat"...

I just kind of wished I could have told her somehow, and maybe we could have worked through the lows together, instead of her just pushing me away every time. But I guess things turned out for her, because she's married now and has a baby.

Anyway, uh, sorry to type out my life story at you =)

And yes, dating sites are nothing but creeps. Especially the free ones. Being a creep for free is low risk!

One of the harshest cruelties dealt to me by my family was when they tried to fix me up with dates. The women they introduced me to all seemed to be looking for a man to abuse and exploit when they weren't whining and complaining about their own miserable lives.

"Beggars can't be choosers", my family would say.

So, to them, I am a "beggar", fit only for the scraps, damaged good, and leftovers that no one else wants.

Another of the many reasons why I live on the west coast, and they all live east of the Mississippi.

...perhaps...

I already want to rewrite some of it, but another part of my brain is saying "dude, it's just a joke, we get the idea" =|

Sometimes it's a good thing WP doesn't let you edit old posts.

I don't think that arranged marriage is a good idea mostly because of the one relationship I have been in. We still do talk every once in a while as friends and we have no hard feelings for each other. The relationship ended because she is very interested in acting and singing while I am very interested in engineering, space, computers, physics, and things like that. I have almost no interest in her interests and she has almost no interest in mine. I need someone I can discuss information theory with and do garage tinkering with while she needs someone she can sing duets with and be in plays with. We are just not compatible. If I were in an aranged relationship with someone like her then I would not be as happy as I would be in a relationship with some nerd girl who was more like me.

I read a statistic recently which says that people with mental disorders tend to marry people who have those same probelems. I can definitely see why that's the case because my friends are often people who suspect they might be autistic and I'm sure that I would get along quite nicely with any girl who is also an aspie. My point is that your aspie tendencies and all that other stuff is not always just something to put up with but can be a desirable trait if you can find the right man.

One thing I reccomend you do is to ask guys out rather then waiting to be asked out. I don't know if you are doing this, but I really hate it how our culture is set up such that men are the ones expected to make the first move in a relationship. As an autistic male I dislike this because I have to figure out how to ask people out or else I will never get a date, and there is also a statistical reason behind why you should hate it too. I will explain.

To simplify things, I will seperate men into 4 groups: there are desirable social ones, undesirable social ones, desirable antisocial ones, and undesirable antisocial ones. The people who are social will ask people out much more often and thus get into more relationships, and the people who are desirable are more likely to be married in any given relationship. This means that desirable social people will marry rather quickly. Undesirable social people on the other hand will get into many relationships which will be more likely to fail causing them to seek more. Since social people ask the most people out, this means that any given time a guy asks a girl out the guy will be more likely to be undesirable then if you just picked a random person off the street because undesirable guys will statisticly find themselves initiating more relationships. On the other hand the antisocial guys are not nearly as likely to get into relationships in general so desirable guys will remain single for longer. It's much harder to lie and manipulate people when you have a hard time understanding people, and also that's where the people like us are. Given this, the total number of undesirable antisocial guys will likely be much smaller then the number of undesirable social guys. That leaves a bunch of desirable single guys, but to be in a relationship with any of them you must do away with the "males make the first move" thing and take the initiative to ask some of these people out yourself.

I don't get why people are so obsessed with getting married.

I wonder if people just doing this stuff becuase they are expected to.

Marriage isn't something I want to do either legally or culturally.

I'd prefer to hang out in a committed unorthodox relationship based on mutual independence and quality, not quantity.

Arranged Marriage?

Bit much, marrying a stranger but since we are close in age, how are you with long distance relationships? We could chat if you want, I am not saying we should marry. However if the locals are a**holes, maybe you should stretch out to new possibilities?

I don't know, just a thought, PM me if you want to chat.

If this is creepy, write it off as an aspie thing and go on cause I am freaking clueless on how to make friends. I have actually giving up for the time being but if we have shared interest I might chat some.

I also have no advice, the idea of dating has me very frustrated but I have learned recently that I'll have to date someone on the spectrum, I relate better to them I think but I don't know.

Well I hope she's all right, because it doesn't look like she's coming back.

Yes... im alive . Unfortunately..

still lonely and hurt by the world but i am trying this new medicine to see if it balances me out emotionally...


it doesnt help in lack of friends department but maybe ill be less scary if my emotions are in control. Going on two months without cutting/bruising myself so i pray i can make it to a year and be proud...

i also got the ok from my doctor to join a exercise program so i figure that will. help with self image and meeting people. And a few art classes as well... and seeing a endocrinologist and therapist next month to further balance. Me out.


Thank you all for replies...