long night, terrible feelings

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In addition to everything that happened, with the stalkers blackmailing me, with the getting sick on the way to work this morning, the girl I was supposed to go on a date with , told me she's not interested in me. This is like the 11th or 12th time this is happened in the past few months. That's when I got the message from the stalker.

No one's ever going to love me. The only people who ever pay attention to me or the people who absolutely hate me. I don't deserve to be alive. I don't feel like I'm ever going to be okay.

I'm facing the possibility of homelessness. I have to keep this job as long as I can. I don't know if I'm ever going to find a job or another place ever again.

People accuse me of threatening suicide. They say I just want attention. There is no security or stability in my life. the one constant is that I am widely hated. I'm not threatening suicide. I am living with suicide ideation that I can't shake no matter what. I'm disgusting.

Every day I relive the feelings of being abandoned and the memories of being doxxed. I can't the images out of my head and I feel as though death is the only escape. I want to sleep and never wake up. I don't know how I am going to do it. I don't want to put my family through this but I am running out of hope.

i hope you don't mind me praying for you. if one sticks around long enough, one will generally find that bad times don't last.

I am so glad you shared here.
I don't have any magic cures.

In my brain I nnnnnever thought is make it to age of 33.

I hear other people have numbers of their choice

30 years later I'm still here
I'm only diagnosed for 31 days and 17 hours.
My life was a country song..
Harmonica did sound different behind the walls.
I still have problems but they are different too.

Thanks for sharing
Please check back in from time to time.

'Were' doxxed? It sounds like you still ARE being doxxed. You say you have a stalker. You should go to the police. 12 people in a row cancelling last minute? That's not the world telling you that no one likes you, that's someone messing around with you.

Blackmailing? that sounds bad.

What did they threaten you with?

Lately, going after my friends and putting them through this, demanding I kill myself.

I have suicidal fantasies. I want to let this be over. I worry about my soul. But I also can't bear the thoughts going through my head. I am facing the stress of finding a job before my contract ends and finding another place before my roommate's lease expires and I am out on the street. I can't handle it. I can't handle being lonely. I want to end it.

I hope this is not an instance of "gang stalking."

How do these people on the Internet know where you live?

If they don't know, just get away from the website, and never come back.

OP, you CAN handle things, you CAN handle life, one step at a time, one foot in front of the other, one day at a time, if necessary one HOUR at a time, but YOU CAN DO IT. all things must pass, and so this less than pleasant time in your life will also pass.

It's obvious that these folks don't have a life!

It's obvious that they are punks who want to have a good time at your expense.

Yes, take baby steps....but take baby steps quickly away from that website!