Some thoughts on acceptance.

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It seems like my entire life I was looking for acceptance from the very people who were incapable of providing that to me.

I felt like I could not move on with my life until my family accepted that I was a human being worthy of respect.

But I cannot force anybody to accept anything.

The one who has to accept something is myself.

I can build myself up without them in my corner. I can grieve the loss, but I must do what is right to keep myself safe and sane. And looking for acceptance where there never really was any is sheer insanity on my part.

I was raised to believe that everybody else in the world was more important than I will ever be. And I looked for respect from the people who hammered that message into me.

How insane. But also, how very human.

I think I am finally ready to move on with my life.

I admire that.

I've experienced that the most difficult thing to do is to scape from what you learnt as a child, the expectations and beliefs that your family had about you, even after knowing that they were wrong.

I wish you the best.

* salutes *

Thanks.

I seriously believe that I am going to be alright. The path is ahead of me. The tools are laid out before me. The only Hell around me the last few years what was I was subjecting myself to.

I have to find my purpose, and my purpose is not to spend an eternity wallowing over old wounds. Those wounds need to heal. I heal them by placing one foot in front of the other.

Yeah. Not sure why all of this hit me so suddenly.

when the student is ready, the lesson will begin.

Regarding your struggles concerning your family and what they did to you - I don't know how active it is these days, but this is a very good site/forum OutOfTheFog (it stands for Fear, Obligation and Guilt). I think you might find many stories similar to yours and maybe even like-minded people. They also used to have a lot of good information and tips about coping and how to handle past abuse, present emotional blackmail and sabotage etc.

From your posts here I think you're stronger than you think and can claim your identity and self respect back.

Best thing I've done in my life for my sense of Self and self-esteem was to disconnect, de-enmesh and distance myself from my family of origin for around a decade. We kept in touch, just barely. I can now have a relationship with them on my terms, with me in charge of the boundaries. It'll never be what family is supposed to be, but it's far better than what it was.