Lied to by healthcare professionals

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A month ago I was in hospital for being suicidal about 10 days. I did not enjoy the stay, it was very boring and I was very irritated. I found out today after going to the dr that he was informed that I refused psychiatric care. I broke down because I did not. Also while I was there I was threatened that I would go to jail and that someone had records of me calling someplace like 100 times. I called maybe, maybe a dozen times.
I am going over in my head how communication could have been crossed. It could have been. That I tried a sleep medication for 3 days and it made my sleep horrible and I stopped it, that I went off the antidepressant I had been on before I went into the hospital because it obviously was not working, that I did not to be THERE in THAT hospital was construed as me refusing psychiatric help maybe? I did not approach nurses with my problems because I was in such anger, pain and hurt that I could not and they acted like they were blaming me for that. Whenever I tried to enter a proper dialogue with a nurse I was shut down in the sense of "You are arguing over what I am saying and what I am saying is truth because I am the person in charge and you are the patient" when we all f*****g know it's not and that drugs and interactions and everyone is unique.
But then again space in the hospital was at a premium and someone had taken my room before I had even left; had to pack up that morning when I was leaving in the evening.
Get a different diagnosis the instant I break down because I can't cope when s**t happens in my life.

Nothing makes sense anymore, I don't have a sense of trust for anyone, as if that wasn't already a problem I had it feels like it's 10 times worse right now.

This kind of crap happens in mental hospitals all the time.

I wish you could find a way out of this vicious cycle.

If you left the hospital against medical advice, you technically refused psychiatric care (well, if you lived in my state in the US). That's not a value judgement, just a statement of fact.

I'm sorry the hospital was so awful -- the one I landed myself in as a college student was miserable-but-helpful (stabilized my meds, stopped me hurting myself).

If you left the hospital against medical advice, you technically refused psychiatric care (well, in my state).

Sorry the hospital was so unhelpful. Now that you're out and not so awful, perhaps you could work with your GP or community care to find one that is a better "fir".

I have been in such a rut about all of this all day but this explanation is starting to make sense, and it was likely viewed much more as that way.

From my perspective it was that that place was not offering any more help than the psychiatrist that was there who was not really adjusting anything. There was no gain from being there, and being there felt like it would be detrimental. As sad and...twisted as this all is to say it now, the only reason I'm out of there when I did is because I didn't want to be there. I have -serious- motivation problems in my life, and for a little while I had motivation to get out so I acted 'properly' so that they could not legally hold me any longer.

To me it really it really comes down to a matter of semantics in a very real way. I was not offered help in the first place therefore how can I be refusing? When my parents or I asked for help about referrals etc. upon discharge we got nothing. And no, I'm not just saying that to be cause trouble, that was seriously how I was viewing it. I cannot refuse what I was not offered.

Do you ever get tired of saying kind words over and over?

Yes, this does happen all the time. Recently I read a very good article about the way patients get punished for wanting to obtain information from hospital staff about your treatment plan etc. Although the article is focused on women with heart disease, it is illuminating in a general way and explains how in a blink of an eye you can be tagged with the "unco-operative" label, simply for asking a pertinent question.

http://myheartsisters.org/2016/03/27/hy ... more-33652

In the next link, a doctor acknowledges the problem of patients being unfairly labelled and offers some suggestions as to how to respond to it:

http://askanmd.blogspot.co.nz/2011/06/w ... tient.html

I'm just so frustrated with having no primary care psychiatric help and no one to properly follow and diagnose me. And that's a serious problem.

Having basically gotten my own celiac diagnosis after research and constant rejection and finally some random dr giving into me because he didn't feel like fighting a fight with some random walk-in patient clinic, I got the bloodwork done and it was overwhelmingly positive for the disease.

I don't want to have to do that for issues with my own brain. I am only one person and there is only so much I can do. I find things that might fit me and latch onto them as diagnoses because that's what I do, but no professionals really get much of anything but a glimpse of what goes on in my head. Like, only since being prescribed purely a mood stabilizer (clearly not working fully, but then again, if I have ASD or BPD it simply wouldn't and it still might be alleviating hypomania) have I seriously considered the possibility that I might be bipolar. And now I go back into my head thinking about symptoms of mania and it hits me, only when people have pointed out to me how much 'better' I was doing on drugs, that last summer I also loaned away almost 4000$ of money I didn't even have to people. That could very well be mania. It's certainly mania symptoms. Or it could be a sign that I befriended a bunch of people at a homeless shelter and I don't know how to say no and am being a classic ASD person being taken advantage of. I told my therapist about it, but not any medical professionals, because I don't think to tell these things to professionals because I don't connect the dots. I feel like they need me to connect the dots and make a diagnosis all on my own. They blame me for not talking when they don't ask the right questions, when they don't take the time to sit down and talk to me properly and assess me properly. Like, no, I don't overspend on things for myself. But yes, I do take on tasks and projects that seem monumental to me at points while at other points they seem impossible. But at the same time those tasks and projects are regular everyday things for a lot of people. It seems very possible I am bipolar, aspergian, and my hypomania/mania brings me to the level of 'normal functioning' so that mixed with high intelligence has been the reason I have done as well as I have.

But I see how it is now. I must do like I did with my celiac disease. I must self-diagnose, give them viable options, write out things, and keep trying over and over until I find something that makes sense and works. Except instead of working with GPs I must somehow find a psychologist in this place. At least the psychiatrist here where I live ONLY diagnoses; he diagnosed me last summer during a structured interview with an adjustment disorder, which is almost a personality disorder. God knows that he'd not be able to diagnose an ASD though, he acted like he had one himself.

I feel like in order to get proper treatment I need to not need the help in the first place. The system is f****d.

You sound like a pretty challenging patient. If you can't form a therapeutic alliance, you are unlikely to be able to benefit from any psychiatric or psychological expertise. The ability to work together is the key thing that is causing you difficulties in moving forward, I suspect.

Work slowly and steadily with an outpatient therapist, and try to avoid abrupt changes in approach or attitude. It might be possible to say right at the outset that you have this history of being unable to trust providers, and being surprised to learn they said you refused treatment etc. If the therapist takes you on after that introduction, keep going back until you feel you have this issue licked.

Feeling you have been accepted for who you truly are is an incredibly life-changing experience, and well worth working towards.