Not feeling much like living.

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People are not interested in hanging out with me anymore. What did I do? I do not know. I try not to take things personally, but when twelve different people tell me they are too busy to have me in their life, I don't know what to think.

Visions of Jim Beam are floating through my brain currently.

I don't want to feel anything right now. I want to anesthetize myself. Permanently.

Sorry you're feeling so bad. How long have they been telling you that they are busy?

Forget those people, buddy.

They don't know what they're missing.

Your last sentence describes how I've been feeling recently. Do you feel you could ask some of these people if they think you've done something wrong (and if so, what)?

Then those people don't deserve to be part of your life. Do things that you find enjoyable instead (that aren't destructive).

I take a slightly different view here. If 12 people have distanced themselves from you within a short time, then there will be a reason and you are wise to try and discern what it is. Could you pick the most open and approachable of the 12 and contact them (this could be by email, in case they are really busy) and perhaps say something like:

I wonder if you could give me a steer on something that has been happening for me lately, from your perspective? I've noticed that people are avoiding me and it's hard for me to see why this has been happening so much, though there must be a reason. Could you guide me a little here? It's obviously something I am unaware of and if you help me see what it is I can look at ways to change that behaviour. From your perspective, was there a particular thing I was saying or doing that put you off wanting to spend more time with me? An honest frank response would be helpful, so that I can address how to change whatever it is I have been doing that isn't working for others.

Well, I figured out what was going on. A creepy older guy did not like that I was refusing his sexual advances, so he responded to that by making up things that never happened and telling these sordid stories to my friends.

Some people should die. This guy is one such person.

Meh, that's what I get for trying to take care of myself, I guess. Every time I make a stand in my own favor, the negative consequences tend to outweigh the positives.

No, I am not smoking crystal meth nor am I downloading illegal pornography of any kind (I never did either of those things at any point in my life, actually, I have no real interest), but some people believe that I am because this guy (a long-timer in the 12-step circles, despite the fact that he never had more than a month of sobriety at a time) is telling them that I am.

I used to think people had more faith in me than that.

Guess this means I will spend my life alone again.

Be alone, so what? we should not be afraid of being alone, I would rather be alone than hanging out with people like that.

Well, I still do have my sponsor, my ex-sponsor, my therapist, and three close friends still on my side. They are vouching for me in the face of this guy's outrageous lies.

Then again, I never really did let most of these people who ditched me have a chance to know me all that well. I am extremely shy IRL. I may host parties at my place, but most of the time when I am hosting them, I just sit back, let others have their conversations, and just enjoy being in their company without talking all that much. That is just something my sponsor just pointed out to me. Most people do not know how intelligent I actually am because I don't talk much IRL, and most people never have the opportunity to read what I write. I express myself far better with the written word, verbally I am often difficult to understand.

this guy will end up ruining his own reputation. glad you sorted out the situation.

Yeah, it just dawned on me that the only people who actually are falling for his words are people who have been in the program for less than a year.

This guy clearly is only going to meetings trying to pick up guys to seduce in the creepiest and most invasive ways imaginable. His rapey vibes are pervasive.

Find peace with yourself ( easier said than done). I think you should focus on being happy about yourself and knowing where you are in life. Please don't put others over yourself. self love is underrated these days. People are quick to hate others and mostly themselves. Love yourself, man

This has happened a lot to me over the years. People spend time with me for a while, but eventually they drift away, usually without giving any particular reason (except perhaps being too busy). So I accept that I'm not someone whose company people enjoy. That's simply the way it is.

Meh, it appears a lot fewer people believed what this guy was saying than what I initially thought. And that these people actually ARE swamped with drama in their lives at the present moment. And that it was my choice to take it personally when very few of them meant it like that.

The joys of having a tough time reading the intentions of other people...... f*****g brilliant.