Sister not thinking

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Hi:
I got a text message this morning from one of my sisters who I haven't seen in over 10 years. I found out today last minute that she will be in on vacation one state away from me with her friends. Though she said that she was willing to stop by and see me afterwards, I wish that she had told me sooner that she was going on vacation.

I told her that I would be willing to take the bus down to meet her but she said that she wanted to it to just be a time with her friends. I told her that it was rude and we hadn't seen each other in 10 years and that joining her would have been pretty special since we are sisters and along with use not seeing one another in 11 years. So I told her that it would have been nice to let me know in advance even though it made me cry.

Though I spoke to my father along with her apologizing next to changing her mind, I ended up looking at my logistics and timing in deciding that I could not go this time.

I am the most upset because I feel that she is going on vacation with her friends and then passing through to give me a little pat on the head after 11 years. I hadn't seen her since she was eight.

How close are you with her?

Is there a reason you haven't been able to see her? I mean as she is 18 she won't have been able to get to you I presume till recent years?

On her side though she is 18 and probably didn't think till the last minute or someone else reminded her that she would be near and could visit.

Are you close? Do you keep in touch, open up to each other as in talking about more private things you wouldn't discuss with others?

To be blunt, if you haven't seen each others for so long and she's not going out of her way to meet with you are you sure she values this relationship as much as you do?

It could be, of course just a misunderstanding, maybe she didn't think you have the resources or willingness to travel to a different state to meet her.

Oh, I just noticed she's only 18. I have a much younger half-sister with whom I reconnected later in life. Such relationships take time to built up.

Actually she is 19 and will be 20 in October but she and I were closer before I moved out of state. After that we just kept a long distance relationship which became less and less communication because I didn't get along with my mom and other sister.

Yes I do have the resources to go and join her but the issue is that it is too short of a notice but if she had told me sooner I would have worked something out.

You could try to get closer to her without involving the rest of the family. Maybe call her more often, try to engage her about things she likes and cares about or similar and see if she opens up to you. Don't discuss family issues, particularly conflicts AT ALL. Just let her know she can trust you and find a friendly ear with you.

My circumstances were different but it's pretty much what I did. It took time but I'm very close to my sister now. I'm glad because I like her and she's the only one in my biological family I keep contact with.

Oh, and good luck. I understand how upsetting this can be and I apologise if my first answer sounded snippy.

The people in my family are known to have their noses pretty high according to people who live outside. Actually I agree with them they are rather stuck up to me as well. For instance whenever I have tried to talk to them about my successes my dad gives a very cold "That's cool" or "That's nice." They have also been known for being stingy and selfish.

When she first told me that she was going to be one state away I said that I wanted to join her and it was "Hey Summer, I want this to be a time with my friends."

I started crying and simply told her that it hurt my feelings and that I felt like it was unfair for her to leave me out like that and especially when she hadn't seen me all those years.

I did text my dad and he had a good talk with her which changed her mind. However I looked at the logistics this time and just couldn't make the trip. She did apologize as well.