My job is up killing me!

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Beware Rant Warning!! Sorry if this is on the wrong part of this site. Forum rookie here. I'm 49 and found out I have Aspergers 6 weeks ago (after a lifetime of s**t). At first I thought oh now I can understand myself everything will fall into place (wrong!). Then comes the seemingly typical oh s**t there is no support. So I join a load of online forums and support groups which until now haven't had the courage to post on. Problem is I work in retail but have extreme sensory stuff going on especially lights, sounds, not to mention the nightmare that is people. I have to work as I'm a Lone Ranger and can't rely on anyone else. But. This. F'ing job i literally don't know what I'm going to do....have been off sick but am forcing myself to go back on Monday. Suppose I just have to get on with it millions of others do. But, I feel like it's literally killing me! I can't even go for a break in there I have to sit outside like a freak. My line manager is great and has helped me so much by giving me a routine but the others there don't like that and it singles me out. So f****d off. Suppose I have to just get on with it and I'll end up ill.

Maybe look for a job that isn't retail?

Most people on WP Forums agree that retail is a really hard thing for autistic people. Like you said, all the sensory stuff and oh yeah, the people.

Hope you feel better soon.

Whatever you do, work your notice if you quit. You want a reference, no matter what.

Second of all, be glad you are not in the United States.

That being said, you have the most special and gifted condition this world can give birth to. You are the makings of a genius, if you aren't there already - and you probably are. You can't tell anybody this. Most of the ones around you are what's called "neurotypical," which means they'll ask you questions like this:

"Why don't you smile more?"

"Why are you so sensitive?"

"Why do you over-think so much?"

"Why??"

"What do you mean???"

"Who are 'they??'"

"Why don't you just ignore it and do your job?"

See any similarities? The word "why" pervades this type of personality - and they don't even want the answer. Don't give it to them. Instead, ask them a counter-question. And know that your country probably has a lot more provisions for mental conditions than mine will ever have. Here in my proud home of Alabama, Asperger's no longer exists, and is simply "ASD," which is considered a condition that only children have. They call it "just a phase," and the child just needs to buck up and "be theirself."

"Just be yourself!! !" <-- as if that means anything at all.

"You're trying WAY too hard!" they say.

I've spent my entire thirty-five years of life trying to figure out how to stop trying too hard, and have yet to make any progress. I'm starting to think the problem is them, and not me. It's not that I am trying too hard, it's that the majority are not trying hard enough. It's not that I'm over-thinking things, it's that the majority are under-thinking. This is why you'll notice a detail nobody else does, and then people give you cross looks for bringing it up. Just do your best not to freak out and scream at everybody, and you should be able to keep your job. Do you even WANT to keep your job? Is there a huge unemployment gap in your country the way there is here? I don't know, and I'm afraid to look. Probably the only reason I haven't left the country yet is because I'm afraid I'll get out there and find out the world is just one big Alabama.

See? Now THAT'S a rant.

You should come up here to Seattle, John. It's no Alabama.

The "be yourself" thing is more something I get from other Aspies though... which makes it way more annoying.

Anyway, Annn... yeah, retail is a real butch for anyone, but even worse for us. I'm on my phone right now so I can't go into detail, but when I get home I'll share some advice.

Ha, looks like I need to teach my phone's autocomplete another new swear word.

Ok, so... first off, I'd find another job! Even if you don't have skills that are transferable to another field... well, my store is unionized so they have to allow breaks. It's in the contract. I don't know if things are different in the UK, but I'd highly recommend looking for a job with a union store. I'm damn near impossible to fire, too... so I can get away with being weird or anxious now and then.

I don't have major sensory issues so I can't speak too much for that. A couple things I have done for stress caused by what I do get were to volunteer for duties that got me into a more quiet area; working in the back rather than up front. I've also done things like keeping a "worry stone" in the pocket of my uniform's apron that I can thumb now and then. That helped a little. I also still do the 3-7-8 breathing technique, which helps a lot.

A lot of those apply to people, too. Now, customers are frequently morons. This may only be a small consolation to you, but your non-autistic coworkers also find many of them frustrating and annoying and wish they would piss off. That's retail, though... they're kind of needed. I just started developing "scripts" I use. I'll say the same few things when I greet a customer. I'll have a lot of the same conversations. There are sentences I may speak a hundred times a day, so that interactions take minimal effort. Everyone who asks me where the ketchup is will get "Ketchup is in the very last aisle, across from the produce" in a friendly tone. I don't need to think about this much at all because it's kind of prerecorded in my brain. This takes a lot of the stress out of it. I'd work on developing your own scripts to handle common situations. Your coworkers will also have scripts (even if they don't ever realize it), so observing them is a good way to get ideas of what you can say.

Oh, and develop cordial relationships with coworkers who seem receptive to that. The ones who you like or who seem to like you. That way they'll have your back at least a little and you won't feel as tense around them. You don't need to know everything about them or share too much... just do your best to get along well with them. I don't know you or your particular situation well enough to be too specific.

Pretty tired, so that's all I have for now. Please let me know if you have any questions about my experiences in retail and how I approach them.