Struggle for Buoyancy

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I am sinking.
My expectations were too high.
I thought marriage would be like having a friend instead of an opponent.
I thought kids would be fun instead of screaming demands, and crying about everything in the highest pitch humanly possible every freaking day.
I thought sobriety would solve all my problems instead of unveiling my Asperger's.
I can't get my head together because I can't sleep.
On paper, I have a good life. It makes me angry at myself for not being able to make myself happy.
The only advice I seem to get is; give up (leave your wife) or take drugs (see a doctor). I can't afford either one anyway.
No one can help me.
I keep sinking.
I don't know what to do.
I can't give up.

I can certainly relate to having an opponent instead of a friend in a relationship. We did not have the children, though. It sounds like everything in your life seems to be pulling at you.

You were right to stop drinking. The Asperger's will be there no matter what. When I drank it was just borrowed happiness, and I felt excruciating anxiety once it wore off.

You sound like you enjoy the idea of marriage and children, but things aren't working. Do you think they can work? What do you think will make them work?

Are you seeing a therapist? A good one could help you find solutions to save what you have, or divorce in the best way possible (if that is in fact your best option).

I'm really sorry man. I know the feeling, even though it's different. I'm sinking too my friend and I wish I had something better to say other than someone else is going thru a world of s**t too.

I know this don't help.

My wife has left me and doesnt seem to really want me back very much. So I'm not left nor with her. Im in helpless limbo.

Congrats on your sobriety though. Excellent job there. That's so hard.

Hold your head up man, even though it's a hollow thing to say. Things can get better. They really can. You just gotta keep hoping for that because what the hell else is there?

Sorry to hear you are sinking but glad your attitude is that you can't give up. If you are not getting refreshing sleep, that can intensify all the other problems, at least it did for me. I was hesitant at first to takes meds for sleep ( I didn't want to be on "drugs") but once I started taking them and my sleeping problem improved, most everything else in life seemed more tolerable. So don't be afraid to try sleep meds. It took my doc a lot of trial and error before we found what works for me. But "better living through chemistry" has improved my life greatly. Sorry I can't relate to the screaming kids at home because I never had any. I was a teacher for 35 years and I was glad to send the kids home at the end of the day and go home to my quiet house. Is it possible to create a quiet space for you in your home to retreat to? Maybe noise canceling headphone would help. My husband is so considerate of my sensitivities that if I don't want to watch/listen to something on TV, he will wear wireless headphones to listen so I don't have to hear it. Can you hook your kids up with wireless headphones for their music or tv so there is less sound for you to contend with? Now as an adult, I understand why when I was a child my parents made me practice for my piano lessons before my dad got home from work. My dad could not tolerate the noise. He passed on in 1987. I am convinced he had ASD but was never dx with it because it wasn't a "thing" back then.