Emptiness

Post Reply New Topic

Hello. This is my first post. My name is Christopher and I've been having some problems lately. I've got a Diagnosis of Asperger's, GAD, ADHD, Depression(?), and Misophonia. In January the antidepressant I take for GAD was changed from 50mg to 75mg and I saw negative results 6 weeks later in March. I lost my appetite. Since march, despite trying to increase my intake, I've lost 45 lbs. My developmental NP has loosely diagnosed me with "symptoms of depression" and gave me a low dose of an atypical antipsychotic. In less than one week I decided to stop taking my antipsychotic because I noticed that I had a severely compromised cardiovascular system. On the meds I couldn't sustain exertion for any longer than 10 or 15 seconds before I felt my body was being starved of oxygen (Like I'd been holding my breath for 2+ minutes). On stopping the antipsychotic, I regained my stamina. At this point I also decided to stop taking my antidepressant (SSRI) because I felt that it was largely ineffective in treating my anxiety and I needed to know exactly how it affected me.

Anyways, the reason why I want to participate in this forum, at least right now, is because of feelings I have been having. I was wondering if other people have experienced these same feelings.

So what's going on is I have an extreme sensitivity when I am upset. For example, yesterday I began hand flapping and a day before I began shaking my right leg because when I would hear noises that upset me, I get a feeling of emptiness and I need stimulation to make the feeling go away. Other times, my hands get to the point where I can't stand the feeling of having my fingers touch each other. It's like I'm in extreme pain, except I don't feel the pain, I only feel the desire to have the pain stop. Another example on my sensitivity is how I can't stand the feeling of things touching my clavicle. Like my fingers, I react to it as if it where extreme pain, even though I don't feel the pain. I've had these feelings both while I've been on my medications and when I'm off my medications. Likewise, I don't feel much different when I'm on my medications and when I'm not. I'm a rather large person (180 lbs, just shy of 6 ft) so I don't think taking the low dosages that I am have a very significant effect.

Also, Misophonia is a sort of sensory processing disorder where trigger noises, which for me can be just about anything, cause agitation. I met with an audiologist and she said I had this, though I'm not in complete agreement.

Again, has anyone else ever felt this feeling of emptiness before. I would like people to avoid lecturing me about taking my medications. I have an adult's body, a teenager's metabolism, and I'm being given pediatric dosages. I have no history of self harm and I am completely capable of handling my medications.

Welcome to the Forum, Sir.

You'll find many people have at least something in common with you.

I don't have those exact symptoms, but I've struggled with odd (actually impossible to describe) kinds of discomfort all my life. Odd things bother me as well. People generally do not understand. I also react badly to psychiatric medications and suffer all kinds of side effects, yet I have to take them or I'm even worse. It seems there's always something physically bothering me. I'm either tired, jittery, tingly, light-headed, nauseous, depressed for no reason, or feel some vague malaise/pain/discomfort I'm totally incapable of describing. Noises bother me. Certain days it seems everything bothers me. I don't know exactly how to comfort you. You're not alone though. That's about all I can say.

Hi, Welcome! Certain sounds bother me too. I was shopping in Walmart today and the constant, beep, beep, beep of things being run through the checkouts was driving me crazy and I was way back in the store, not near the checkouts. So glad I don't have to work there. I have to sleep with white noise or any sound, even just the click of a heater or AC turning on or off would startle me awake. Certain things touching my skin I can't stand either. I have taken some meds where after a few days I can tell they are making things worse, not better. Anyway, I just wanted to say hi and welcome.