A frightening thought that has just hit me

Post Reply New Topic

First thing, my mum has incurable, but treatable, cancer in her bowel, which she has just started treatment for but I'm really worried about that. If she gets one chest infection it will probably kill her, because she had Whooping Cough as a child and it has always made her ill whenever she gets a cough.

If she does die, I'm scared I will lose everyone else I'm close to as well, in the next few years. My dad smokes and drinks and might suddenly develop some sort of terminal illness, and the grief of losing my mum might help that happen.

My brother suffers from severe depression and I think losing his mum will tip him over the edge, as he is very weak-minded and declines meds.

My aunt suffers a lot of physical ailments, and also gets anxious and depressed, and doesn't have many friends and has been suicidal in the past.

I'm not really that close to my cousins, and they are all party animals and are only interested in going out and getting drunk, which I'm not into at all.

My boyfriend is 20 years older than me and we are engaged. But he was a heavy chain-smoker, which made me worry about his lungs. He promised me he'd give up, and for several months I thought he had, but I've recently found out that he smokes behind my back and lies by saying he doesn't - when I have smelt it on his breath, and could tell in his body language that he's urging to smoke as soon I'm distracted, like when I'm in the bath or asleep. So that has disappointed me, and now I'm scared he might die early from abusing his lungs.

So I'm really scared that in a few short years I'm going to be alone in the world. It frightens me. With today's economy I will never get into a job I like, so will end up having to work full time to keep myself alive, in a job I hate, with no close family and struggling to make friends. The job I'm in now is boring and uninteresting to me, and I'll go mad if I was there full time.

But losing the people closest to me is one of the worst things that can happen. I don't think I would ever get through it.

What will I do? How will I go on?

All what you say is the worst-case scenario. I can understand your concern. But things probably won't be as you wrote.

Smoking is a VERY difficult habit to break.

I'm sure, if you're strong for your mum, that she'll be healthier as a result. She needs your strength right now. Does she need chemotherapy?

Yes she is having chemo.

Chemo is a hard thing sometimes. Your mum is going to need your strength even more.

When someone you cherish is in a precarious situation it's natural to feel like your whole world is on the edge of disaster. You might be fortunate to see that when things go awry the people you least expect find new strength to come to the aid of the ones they love and who love them. Hope it is so for you!

When I once lived like an orphan, I advertised for wanting to join and be a part of a family, explaining my situation, and what I could offer in return. Some people are willing to help, but be prepared to also encounter potential paranoia from those types of people who think that any stranger from The Internet must definitely be a liar or terrorist or pedophile, although it is still possible to find good-natured people out in society; who knows even, they may have even experienced the same as you, and could be a bonding factor that brings you all closer together, like a second family, similarly to how orphans sometimes band together, and stick together like families, too.

^ ^ ^
I don't think that would be quite the same.

If I did lose all my family like that, I think I would isolate myself and live out in the country with cats, and get away from the stress of life and the intimidating nasty people in the city and the pressure of work.
The trouble is, you need money to choose that life, and I'm such low-class, that all I can picture my whole life doing is being stuck in a dead-end job, bored out of my head, just to make ends meet.

Come on, Joe, stop thinking of yourself as "low-class." A low-class person like to be a "chav" type and live on the Dole. He/she likes to write graffiti and hang out on the street corner.

I've met some very intelligent cleaning people in my time. Many times, it's circumstances which force people to accept jobs like that--not a lack of intelligence.

I know, it's just that all three of my boyfriend's kids are successful, and it makes me feel bad about myself for being a part-time cleaner, earning a low wage and not even interested in the job. It just gets to me sometimes.

Hey Joe90, A lot of other things that you didn't mention could happen too. You could walk across the street and get killed by a car, or a tornado could blow your whole family away at once. Worry never makes the future easier, it only makes the present harder. It is about as equally as likely that something good will happen in your life too. You could walk into a church you have never been to before and the usher who hands you a bulletin could fall instantly in love with you and you end up getting married and staying married for 41 years and counting. That is the true story of what happened to me. You never know what's going to happen in life. I don't remember where I heard this or I would give the person credit, but someone said you have to get rid of the ANTs in your life. ANTs stands for Automatic Negative Thoughts. When one pops into your mind, try to replace it with a positive thought instead. Easy to say, I know, and hard to do but I think it gets better with practice. So try to practice getting rid of the ANTs.