Worrying about my boyfriend

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Sorry I keep posting here, but I'm just feeling so rationally anxious about things lately.

I just found out that my boyfriend sometimes stays up nearly all night drinking can after can of beer when I'm not there, and has work in the morning - which is driving buses. His daughter told me, and it is believable because I see loads of beer in his fridge, and next time I'm there 2 or 3 days later all the beer is gone, and he doesn't have friends round (he hasn't got many friends). I am worried. I didn't think he was this irresponsible.

I am trying to find the right time to talk to him about it. I think he has a problem with controlling bad addictive habits. But I thought he'd change, now that he is in love and is not a lonely single man any more.

Also my mum has cancer, and she's never abused her body, and my boyfriend IS abusing his body (he smokes too, even though he told me he had given up). It doesn't make him a bad man. It just seems he has no will power at all. I keep losing sleep over it. I'm also worried about his health.

Is he drunk when he drives the bus?

Yeah....the guy is drinking himself to oblivion, it sounds like. You ought to have a talk with him.

Sounds like he's lonely without you.

Well large amounts of alcohol is not out of your system for up to 20-24 hours, so yes he must be over the limit when he gets up for work in the morning. It looks like he does it once or twice a fortnight.

I've only seen him drunk once, on new year's eve, in his apartment. He wasn't abusive in any way, just restless and excitable, so I am not worried about that. Maybe he is lonely without me. I think he would go to pieces if I left him, which I won't. But he is not controlling or jealous, although I would understand if he did get a bit jealous, because he has had his heart broken by women in the past, and he has even been called ugly by women.

Going out with someone, hoping they'll change. Sounds like a recipe for disappointment, since people change gradually.
Have you considered Al-Anon? Even if you don't feel your BF's behavior is a major problem yet, I've heard they talk about addiction-related issues in loved ones and how to handle them. I hope things work out for the both of you.

I wouldn't want him to lose his job because he tests positive if they do a test.

I'm just worried he might get cancer and die if he keeps drinking excessive amounts of beer and smoking. I wish he had the will power to stop abusing his body. I don't know how harmful beer is.

Beer doesn't usually cause cancer. It might cause cirrhosis of the liver, though.

Of course, smoking causes cancer.

The smoking worries me too but he just really can't stop. He's been a heavy smoker for years and years, and he did attempt to give up last year, but it didn't take him long to get back into the filthy habit again, which I am so disappointed about. He doesn't smoke nearly as much as he used to, but his lungs are still taking all that harmful substance. I have suggested e-cigs to him, but he reckons e-cigs are more harmful than cigarettes.

So I suppose he will end up dying soon. So not only I will lose my mum, I will also lose the only man I have ever loved, because of cancer. I am so scared. I hate smoking. I hate nicotine for being so ridiculously addictive. I am losing sleep over it all. I can't cope with all these horrible thoughts about losing people I love. It's not fair. Just as I thought I had finally found happiness in my life, my mum gets diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and my boyfriend won't stop abusing his body. He knows I have an ill mum, he knows I worry myself sick about illness and death, and he knows smoking is harmful, and yet he is too weak-minded to pick himself up and look after his health. I need him right now, more than ever.

You are both probably very young right? I don't think it's very likely that he'll die of cancer anytime soon. Maybe he can start to cut back overtime on the cigarettes and maybe even the beer.

I'm young, but my boyfriend is 20 years older than me. If he was healthy, he would probably live another 30+ years (unless the unexpected happened), but being a smoker and a drinker he will probably die soon. I'm trying to put my mind at ease by thinking of other men much older than him who abuse their body but are still alive and well. Makes me feel a bit better.

I'm guessing he's depressed.
Tobacco contains small amounts of an old school antidepressant (mao-inhibitors) which makes it hard to quit for some (like me).
E-cigs btw. Do not. Which is why some find E-cigs an inadequaye substitute, although they do contain nicotine.

Truthfully, many smokers and drinkers live as long as other people.

But the potential for health problems is definitely greater in both groups.

"stays up nearly all night drinking can after can of beer"
"has work in the morning"
"my boyfriend IS abusing his body"
"he has no will power at all"

Yupp, sounds like you have a winner... ever considered giving up on him before he drags you down? People who do not change wont and will be destructive to the people around them. If he did love you and gave a crap, he would listen to you and get his life sorted.

Look, you are still young, for him it's sort of a big risk to continue to consume large quantities of alcohol at his age. Cancer is far from all problems, beer is OTOH not immediately dangerous but given time and frequency it will be. What is not mentioned in the thread is that beer will make him obese - and with that comes heart problems.

Yes, i may come off as cynical, but i have sisters who have dated enough idiots...

I am not leaving him. I'm only worrying about him because I love him. He can't help himself. He even admits that he just cannot give up his old habits. He enjoys drinking beer while listening to music. When I get into listening to music, I enjoy it by masturbating, which is much healthier than drinking can after can of beer and getting drunk. But I just can't help worrying.