Trouble

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About a month ago I moved in with my girlfriend, who also has ASD, into an apartment in the city/state where she's from. It's in a different state than where I'm from so I thought I'd take a year off from school, get a full time job, and wait to get in state tuition. I found out too late it's actually impossible to get in state tuition, as I'm "dependent" on my parents till the age of 24 in the eyes of the college and therefore the residency of my parents is all that matters. Doesn't even matter if I become a legal resident of the state I'm in, which I had fully planned out. So now we have to move back to where I'm from so I can finish school there, already completed 2.5 years of state college. There's a more urgent issue though, I can't find a job. I'm from the Midwest and I was not prepared for trying to find work in a city, I started out with $1,800 and thought it would be enough have enough time to find a job. 300+ people are going for every single job and I haven't caught a break. She also apparently doesn't make enough at her job to cover her half of the bills so she also has to find a second job or a full time one. I have till this Wednesday to get an interview or we won't have the money to pay the next billing periods bills. I have a couple of possible promising things this Tuesday and Wednesday, but after that, we'll have to tell the landlords we're going to break the lease and ask our parents to cover that cost of that. I'd have to go back where I'm from. I don't know what she'd do. We definitely don't have the money to afford a U-Haul to move her furniture at the moment so it would have to stay behind no matter what. She'll either have to stay with her parents, or stay with my mom for a while till we could get a college apartment together. Part of me just want's to break the lease now, without the possibility of school here I desperately want to get back to the Midwest and finish school. The stress is killing me, I've been have a difficult time eating, and I feel ill. My parents have already told me they'd cover my half of the cost of breaking the lease. She also desperately doesn't want to move back in with her parents and really wants this apartment to work. She's afraid to ask them for more help, they just helped her get this apartment after she got out of an abusive relationship with her exboyfriend. Financially it would be the best choice, but it would be hard on our relationship. I have places I can work back home and she has a job here, we'd be able to pay our parents back fairly quickly and then I'd fly back to her in December and help here drive to where I'm from with the U-Haul. Or she drives to where I'm from with me right away, stays with my mom and get's a part time job, I go to college for a semester and get a part time job, and then we just have here furniture shipped later on when we can afford it and have a place for it to even go. We can afford to live where I'm from, it's just getting there. Or we break up for the time being and go our separate ways. I don't know what she would do or where she would go since she's so against staying with her parents.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what I want anymore. This is all so painful, I wish I never existed.

If it were me, I would move back to my hometown. Sometimes cutting your losses is the practical but more difficult decision to make. Stress like this can trigger underlying conditions. What are you doing to look after your health?

Gosh, it really grieves me to read this because you know I love you both dearly

I know it feels like all your well-laid plans are coming crashing down around your ears at the moment, but having had the benefit of living through some severely tough situations, I can tell you that things always have a way of working out, and in truth you can survive practically anything because you are stronger and more resourceful than you give yourself credit for.

What's the worst that can happen?
You have a setback.
You may need to both move in with your parents temporarily.
I know that isn't the ideal situation, but it's survivable.
And there's always the chance that 'something will come up' just when you need it.
You can both get through this.

Look after each other.
Raleigh

This all depends on how serious you guys are, and how important it is to you that relationship work. The entire course of action you take is shaped by that decision.

You could, still ride out living in your apartment for awhile. People do it all of the time. It takes several months to get someone evicted. If you had no parents, staying there and falling behind on the rent would be your only option. pay your car insurance (if you need to in your state), followed by electric and phone. Pay rent last unless you have any credit cards, then pay those last. You can stretch out how much time you have that way. If you work with your landlord because of losing a job or income, they'll usually help defer what you owe.

Thing about your furniture is, you lose your apartment, you've got to move it all somewhere. And storage is really expensive as I just found out.

Yes that is how I'm feeling. The only thing keeping us here is this apartment and her part time job, back home I can temporarily work a full time job like I did before I moved to here and then get a more permanent part time job once I'm back at school.There's some other things about this place that I'm not a liberty to mention that are making me very uncomfortable. My illness might be amplified by the fact that I've been on Omprazole for a month for my acid reflux and I think it gave me a magnesium deficiency. I'm taking magnesium supplements for now, but I have to wait till after the holiday to call my doctor. I don't know what to do about about the stress other than wait out the problem and solve it. I told her my thoughts and I think she's going to come with me back to the Midwest, though she's terrified about doing it this soon. We were likely going to do it this winter or next summer for sure anyways.



Thank you

The parents thing isn't bothering me, it's got her hung up, she doesn't think she could function with them, either my mom or her parents. I might have to be stuck with online classes till this winter if I can't leave her alone with my mom for a few months.



It's serious. I think we're going to end the lease in the next two weeks. This state has really crummy renting laws and we're stuck with only the option of paying 3 months worth or rent to break it or to get sued. The furniture would probably go to her parents house here, though they'd need to pay for a moving truck to get it there, unless we could somehow convince our parents to pay for a U-Haul to take it all this month with us and just store it at one of my parents places till we are able to get an apartment in the college town.

I'm feeling a bit better since I talked to her and read all of this. The idea of staying here for a year terrified me. By the end of it I might never have gone back to school. She's also a couple years older than me so I'm feeling even more pressured to get done, though she hasn't been pressuring me herself, it's just how I feel.

I would agree that a move back to your hometown would be best if you cannot get a job.

Maybe you could apply to a late night shift at some retail place. Or fast food place. Or Costco? When is your lease up?

Do you know anybody who needs an apartment and can pay for it? If so, perhaps you could sublet it, especially if your landlord is a corporation rather than a person.

When is your lease up?

Subleasing isn't really an option. I know a lot of states including where I'm from will work with you on it to find another tenant. We have to pay an early termination free of three times the rent + the utilities of the month we leave. I talked to the Landlord about it a few days ago as a hypothetical if we wanted to go somewhere this winter. The lease is up in June of 2017. I couldn't make enough at any of those places you mentioned to afford the rent and we'd be in the same problem a few months from now. I think it's best to just cut our losses and get to somewhere we can actually survive. Thank you for the ideas though. She doesn't know a lot of people and I know no one here. I've applied to maybe 100 different jobs now. 2nd shift is pretty undesirable, as she works during 1st shift and 3rd shift isn't an option.